Wellbeing – Self-help For Your Success

10 QUOTES ON HAPPINESS

Susan McCann — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 16:35:44 +0000

GUIDED MEDITATION YOUR JOURNEY to THE ENCHANTED FOREST

Susan McCann — Sat, 05 Mar 2022 15:48:57 +0000

Quote of the Week 22: The Only Real Time You’ve Got Is NOW

Gerry McCann — Fri, 18 May 2018 00:17:46 +0000

Mindfulness is for you too

This is a great quote, and it sums up beautifully exactly what mindfulness, being in the moment, is all about.

We are all time-bound. Time is a fact of my life, your life, indeed life itself. Yet very often we sail through life without making the very best use of our time. We control how we use our time.

Many people are weak of spirit, and spend huge swathes of their time in idleness, not pursuing what would be best for them.

Correct yesterday today

The quote reminds us that we live in day-tight compartments. Today is the day we live. What we did yesterday is no longer under our control. It’s over and done with, for better or worse. The quote says it’s like a “dream” because it’ no longer real any more. We look back, think what we did, or didn’t do, but we can’t do anything about it. What we did is what we did. We can’t change yesterday.

But what we can do is decide to do today what we failed to do yesterday. Why? Because today is real. It’s totally under our control. But we need to hurry up, because soon it will be tomorrow, and today will become another yesterday, and out of reach forever.

Today can teach for tomorrow

Tomorrow is nothing more than a vision, a possibility, a future that’s not under our control at all. The best we can do is decide today what we’ll do tomorrow. That’s of course if all’s well; if nothing major’s happened in the meantime. Anything could happen tomorrow, and today we are only hoping it will be OK.

All this thinking about time, and how important today is, can be summed up excellently in the ancient Latin saying: “carpe diem,” which of course means “seize the day.” In other words, grab today by the scruff of the neck and get on with what you feel is really important in your life.

Excuses? You’re better than that

Our greatest enemy in all of this is laziness and procrastination. All those things we want to do, places we want to go, people we want to see. We never quite get round to actually doing it. Yes, we can find a thousand excuses to put it off until tomorrow.

“You know what, I’m really tired now. I’ll do it tomorrow.” Even worse is the excuse of feelings: “I don’t feel like it.” So often it’s really hard to discover what’s going on. Are you so exhausted that you really aren’t up to it? For example, this is the kind of thinking we have: “I’ll give up smoking tomorrow,” “I’ll start the diet next week,” “I’ll start my new exercise regime, when I feel a bit better.”

Or is it more like you can’t really be bothered? “I think I’ll just have a sit down for a while, chill out, watch a TV programme I’ve taped.” Next thing you know it’s two hours later, and you really don’t feel up to it any more. I know, I’ve been there myself so many times.

Fall in love with today

What’s your own take on all of this? What did you learn from yesterday; do you work with clear focus on today and what’s important; and do you decide what you’ll do tomorrow, without fail?

Your life is at the mercy of time, and how you make the best use of the time you’ve still got. Believe me, I know all about that: I’m already past 80, and I no longer have “all the time in the world.” My wife and I downsized a few years ago, worked hard planning a DIY world tour (much cheaper that way!), and we enjoyed visiting many far-flung places, before we got too old, and too ill to travel.

Anyone could do something like that. What have you often thought about doing, but never quite got round to doing it?

Make friends with today, and you’ll look back tomorrow, and rejoice in your yesterdays. Be happy!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Quote of the week 12: Worried about the future? Here’s a proven strategy that will help you

Gerry McCann — Tue, 13 Jun 2017 08:35:28 +0000

Mindfulness

We’ve heard it a thousand times. “Live for the Day”; “Be mindful, live in the moment”: “Take no thought for tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” you say, “all very well. But I’ve a thousand things that I desperately need to do today. And yes, they are important, very important! No wonder I’m worried sick.”

Do you have a busy life juggling “a thousand things to do today”?

Why not sit down and prioritize. What tasks simply must be done today, and which have fewer negative consequences if left until tomorrow.

Then gently start, and calmly pick them off one by one, moment by moment. Forget the tasks just done, and don’t even think about those waiting to be done. Focus on NOW, ONE task at a time. Peace is your reward.

May I recommend Dale Carnegie’s classic masterpiece on worry? It’s called “How to stop worrying and start living.”

I love this simple 3-step strategy Carnegie calls the “magic formula.”

Face the worst. Ask yourself, “what is the worst thing that could possibly happen?”
Take it on board. Accept the reality of that possibility.
Look for answers. Calmly work out how to improve that worst case scenario.

I”m not pretending that it will be easy. But it’s far better to be realistic, even if it seems like a disaster is looming. There is always something that you can salvage. Many famous people have found that when they’re at rock bottom, then “the only way forward now is UP” makes a lot of sense.

In following this 3-step strategy, the mind begins to settle, you stop going round and round in mad little circles. You recover your power to think straight. Once you’ve got your thinking cap on again, you begin to see how you can begin to make things better.

The worry begins to subside, peace begins to flood your soul, and new options, new possibilities, new highways begin to emerge from deep within.

The Hourglass metaphor

Another brilliant time and motion comparison Carnegie uses is the hourglass. Our time is like the slow steady flow of grains of sand through the neck of the hourglass. These grains can’t be rushed. They give the appearance that they won’t all get through. Yet the non-stop, peaceful, steady flow of sand, grain by grain, fulfills the expectation.

We should use our time each day like that. Slow, peaceful, leisurely progress, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour. Never forget the old cliche “More haste less speed.”

I’m reminded of a time and motion study I read about years ago. It was about a small team of men working hard all day to load a truck. The researcher instructed them, moment by moment, what to do, alternating work and rest intervals:

“Lift,” “Now rest;” “Lift,” Now rest.”

They were instructed to work only for as long as it was comfortable. Then they rested before they became tired, and therefore less effective.

The results were staggering. The men never got tired, much less exhausted. They managed to load about four times more cargo than previously. It was an extraordinay demonstration of the wisdom of working “smart” rather than “hard.”

Like that sand in the hourglass, they achieved the optimum flow by slow, steady, peaceful, yet on-going work. The past was past, the future was future. Being in the moment was the complete focus.

Worry, stress and fear are killers.

There are countless other proven strategies to conquer these killers of our life. Strategies for you. Discover them, believe them, try them, and find lasting peace and happiness.

And as an added extra, Success!

May I wish you true success in life.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. I’d love to hear how you have coped with worry; please share with us your comments.

P.P.S Feel free to share this post with a friend.

Inspirational Video: Power of One

Susan McCann — Sun, 01 Jan 2017 11:50:53 +0000

Change Your Mindset, Change The Game TEDxTraverseCity

Susan McCann — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 06:37:32 +0000

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk :10 Your Precious Downtime

Gerry McCann — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 17:05:56 +0000

Hi there and welcome, this is Gerry McCann the Merry Monk.

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

10: Your Precious Downtime

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make this world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Would You Like to Fill Your Life with a Better, More Powerful Way of Thinking?

Susan McCann — Fri, 26 Aug 2016 17:38:39 +0000

Life not giving you what you want

Fed up with feeling that sometimes life is just not going the way you want it to?

Do you ever get frustrated with how some things are in your life?

Do you feel that you deserve more?

Have you ever asked yourself, ” Do I feel bad about any of these?”:

Your relationships, your work, your lack of opportunities, the way you look, the way you feel when things seem to go wrong in your life.

Do you sometimes feel cross, upset, dejected, lethargic, or feel that life’s not fair?

Use your negative thoughts and emotions

Well, how would you like to learn a simple technique, that could help you think and feel differently?

How would you like to use those same negative thoughts to help you?

Instead of allowing negative emotions to hijack your thinking, decide to change your thoughts by asking yourself,

“What can I learn from this?”

“Can these negative thoughts, and emotions, help me to recognize what I do want?”

For example, take something that most of us suffer from, at some point in our lives, “Body Image.”

We often get frustrated at, or even hate, the way we look:

Out of shape, spotty skin, discolored teeth, rotting teeth, bags under our eyes, double chin, beer belly, haggard appearance, too fat, too thin . . . (just fill in the blanks).

When we feel like this, we often carry on feeding this pain or guilt, with more of the same. Recognize any of these?

Not exercising enough.

Eating the wrong foods.

Overeating.

Not eating enough.

Drinking too much.

Drinking too many sugared drinks.

Using or taking harmful substances.

Not getting enough rest or sleep.

Not caring for our skin, teeth, feet, nails, hair.

Stressing about it.

Instead of resorting to old negative habits and behavior, ask yourself:

“What are these negative thoughts and emotions helping me to recognize?”

Are they signals, that the body is sending to you?

Are they showing you that you are no longer happy to put up with how they make you feel?

Are they heartfelt pointers, reminding you that you deserve to love the way you look?

That you want to change your behavior, your habits, your thinking?

What are they telling you?

Once you start changing the way you look at negative thoughts and emotions, you’ll begin to recognize that they are helping you to understand what you really do want.

Think about it for the next few minutes. Whenever we feel negative emotions about something, it usually points out to us what we truly want:

A less stressful job
Less stressful life
A better relationship with our partner, parents, children, peers
More balance in our lives
Healthier body
A healthier lifestyle
More fun in our lives
A purpose in life
Spending time with loved ones, friends and on ourselves

Make a mental list of all the things that negative emotions are pointing out to you, showing you, and screaming out to you.

Take time to think.

What they are spelling out to you, loud and clear?

I think you’ll agree that they are letting you know what you want instead.

The positive things you really want in your life, instead of the negative things you are already experiencing, or thinking, or worrying about.

Sounds obvious doesn’t it?

But how many of us actually take any notice, and really admit what we do want — what we want enough to change our thinking, our behavior, our habits?

Be honest now, how often do you really take notice?

No more excuses, such as, “I’m too tired, I haven’t got time, I’ve no choice, I’m just not that type of person, I can’t help who I am, I just can’t do it.”

Empower Yourself

If you truly what to empower yourself to be stronger, more positive, more energized, tap into your inner power, then make that list.

What are some of things on your list?

Which of them are the most important to you?

Then allow yourself to think about all the positive things that you do truly want. Think about how having, being or doing these will have a positive impact on your life. Think how you feel about having and experiencing them.

Allow your creative imagination to paint a picture, in as much detail as you can, of what your life will be like once you have them.

Practice this often, make a game of it. Once you make a habit of this, you will begin to fill in the details. You’ll start to feel all the positive emotions that life has to offer you. The more creative you are, the more detail you’ll fill in. Like painting a portrait, building a jigsaw, designing a room.

You are the writer and director of your own movie: you direct the actors, the scene, the dialogue. You have free rein on whatever you want it to be, or to change what happens. You can enjoy all the excitement, happiness, satisfaction, peace, love, fulfillment and feel-good moments of sheer pleasure of having that life.

OK, OK; I can hear you saying, “Yeah, that’s just a pipe dream; it’s never going to happen.”

Daydreaming positive emotions is good for the soul

So, what if it doesn’t happen? You’re still experiencing those positive emotions. It can improve your creative mental ability. It’s a stress buster, it can give you endless moments of joy, happiness, peace, contentment or just sheer fun; and, all for free.

Just like when you’re asleep, enjoying a really great dream, or a horrible nightmare: you still get the same emotions of fear, worry, excitement, happiness, etc., while you’re asleep and only dreaming. The mind processes all your real life events, dreams, and thoughts in a similar way, affecting your nervous system, your body and your emotions.

Some people even thrash about in their sleep, fighting off imagined demons. Sleep walkers are acting out their dream. I’m more than sure some of you have had similar physical experiences during, shall we say, more positive dreams.

Can you remember any dreams, that seemed so real, that you weren’t sure if you were dreaming or not? No matter what experiences you have had, why not decide what you want to day-dream about, while you’re awake.

Why wait until you’re sleeping, and have less control over your thoughts?

Have fun whenever you have a few spare minutes or more. Escape the rigors of life, the busy train commute, and take a short coffee or lunch break, enjoying the game of daydreaming. That stress-free world of make-believe. Allowing your thoughts, your imagination, your creativity to color your world with wondrous possibilities.

It’s so beneficial to you, and on so many different levels. It helps you to feel what it would be like. It improves your positivity. It gives you material to enlarge your imagination, and creative thinking. It widens your outlook on life.

It’s a form of practicing what you would do, and how you would do it; what it would be like, and how you would feel.

Above all, it helps you to focus your thinking on things that you want, instead of what you don’t want.

It’s a technique I’ve used for many years now; it’s helped me to feel good about myself. It’s helped me to cope with and overcome situations, events, fears and relationships I have had in my life. Showing me what I wanted, or needed, to be different.

Thinking about what I really wanted empowered me, and in so many ways. It fed my soul with wonderful loving emotions, instead of the dread, fear, lack, and what I didn’t have. Thinking and daydreaming about what I did want, often gave me the strength I needed to take small steps towards doing the things I really wanted, instead of the things that were negative. I’ve used it over and over again, for dealing with all sorts of relationships, events, situations in my life that cause negative emotions.

That’s why I know it works. That it can work for you. That you’ll be able to use this technique in all sorts of areas of your life, no matter what they are.

Because even when you have no control over what others do or say to you, or when you cannot control some situations in your life, you can control your own thoughts, your own thinking. You can empower yourself, by using those negative emotions to point out to you what you do want, what you need to do.

You can positively re-run that event in your head, to give it a different outcome. One that gives you strength, one that gives you courage; one that makes you believe, and feel, that you can experience what you want, instead of what you don’t want. Thinking thoughts that empower you. By focussing on what you want in your life.

As the saying goes “what you focus on is what you bring about”. So why waste your thoughts on things you don’t want? Use your negative emotions, as signals, to point instead to the positive things you do want. Fill your thoughts, and creative imagination, with what you do want. Do this as often as possible; and just enjoy.

Remember, that

What we focus on, and think about often enough, sparks our subconscious into action: it starts looking for ways of bringing these about.

Remember that in our world, nothing exists that humans have built, made, invented or acted on, without first being a thought in a person’s mind.

So have some fun, enjoy the positive energy of positive thoughts. Fill your mind, body and spirit with what the popular “Beach Boys” song would say, “Good Vibrations.”

If you haven’t heard of it, look it up on the internet. It’s a classic “feel good” upbeat song from a past generation. Click the link below to hear the song.

Susan J. McCann

@susanjmccann

If you like this post please feel free to share it out. Many Thanks

PS I’d love to hear how it works for you, or about techniques you use that have worked for you.

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk 7: Flee Negativity

Gerry McCann — Sun, 26 Jun 2016 18:44:26 +0000

Hi there and welcome, this is Gerry McCann the Merry Monk.

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

7: Flee Negativity

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make this world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Christian Meditation 22: God Has Infinite Love for all His Children

Susan McCann — Sun, 26 Jun 2016 12:31:12 +0000

Hi there. Welcome to our Christian Meditation.

In this podcast we rejoice in the infinite love God has for all his children. Our future is with God alone.

Our Bible text for this meditation is 1 Jn. 4:7,8

“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God: everyone who loves is born of God and know God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is Love.”

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Christian Meditation 19: The Mystery of Pain in our Life

Gerry McCann — Tue, 07 Jun 2016 13:24:48 +0000

Hi there. Welcome to our Christian Meditation.

In this podcast we learn how suffering can forge and build our character.

Our Bible text for this meditation is Mat. 16:24

“If any want to be my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Christian Meditation 17: Sinners Welcome at My Table

Gerry McCann — Sun, 15 May 2016 15:07:45 +0000

Hi there. Welcome to our Christian Meditation.

In this podcast we meditate on our Christian attitude and acceptance of sinners. In this we follow the command of Jesus.

Our Bible text for this meditation is (Mat. 9:13)

“I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have come to call not the righteous but Sinners.”

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Personal Growth, 7 Ways Unforgiveness Can Poison Your Life

Gerry McCann — Fri, 13 May 2016 19:31:21 +0000

Hi there and welcome,

In this podcast we look at how much we need to move on after a fall out with a loved on or friend. Reconciliation is beautiful, one of the greatest human experiences we can have.

Thanks for listening. Peace, blessings and harmony to you and your loved-ones

Let’s all continue to help make our world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Christian Meditation 16: Healing and Forgiveness of Sins

Gerry McCann — Sun, 08 May 2016 18:02:17 +0000

Hi there. Welcome to our Christian Meditation.

In this podcast we meditate on the question of Divine Healing. The Bible tells us God wants to heal us, yet often our experience is different. We discover what God really wants above all.

Our Bible text for this meditation is (Mat. 9:6)

“He then said to the paralytic, stand up, take your bed, and go to your home.”

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

3 Tips to Boost Your Confidence

Susan McCann — Fri, 06 May 2016 13:30:04 +0000

How Stress affects your body and Waistline

Susan McCann — Sat, 30 Apr 2016 13:12:30 +0000

Christian Meditation 10: Jesus Shows Us Awesome Love

Gerry McCann — Sun, 20 Mar 2016 20:12:16 +0000

Hi there. Welcome to our Christian Meditation.

In the next 3 podcasts you focus on 3 important dimensions of Christian life. In this meditation you explore beyond forgiveness towards love.

Our Bible text for this meditation is (Mat. 5:44)

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Christian Meditation 9: Forgiveness, Your Call to Holiness

Gerry McCann — Sun, 13 Mar 2016 01:05:31 +0000

Hi there. Welcome to our Christian Meditation.

This is third podcast in which we meditate on our Christian call to mission: Forgiveness Your Call to Holiness.

In this podcast you focus on asking yourself about forgiveness in your life. We all find it hard to forgive, don’t we?

Moving on gives you peace of mind.

Our Bible text for this meditation is (Mat. 5:38)

“If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also. “

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

How to find your happiness; one simple habit that changed my life

Susan McCann — Sun, 24 Jan 2016 14:06:21 +0000

Have you ever asked yourself this question? What makes me happy?

If so, what does make you happy?

So many of us never really sit down, and spend serious time thinking about this.

Oh yes, I agree: we may think about it for a few minutes – or the odd half-hour – reeling off lists of all the things we would buy and do, if we won the lottery. But how often have you spent an hour or two, just contemplating your own internal happiness?

I don’t mean when you’re having a bad day, and are moaning about all the lack of things you have in life. The path of misery: full of lack, unfairness or just plain unlucky things or events, that dictate your life.

Because thinking about happiness, for many of us, usually means thinking about the lack of it in our lives. Be honest now; what kind of possessions, or life style do you often think about, that you don’t have? Recognize any of these . . . ?

The big house you don’t own
The perfect job you haven’t got
The perfect partner you haven’t found yet
The fancy car you can’t afford
Those gorgeous pair of shoes that are over your budget
The wealth you don’t have
The fame you haven’t yet aspired to
The perfect good looks you wish you had
The lack of power you exert
No longer being young
Not having enough money
Not having achieved what you wanted in life
Not being able to have what you want
Not having control over events in your life
Not having control of other people and their actions

Yes there are thousands of things we want, that we either don’t have, or can’t have, or will never have in our lives. So I ask you.

Why concentrate on lack? Will that make you happy?

No, of course it won’t, it’s just the opposite, you feel miserable because you don’t have these things.

Material things can only bring short bursts of pleasure; don’t mix this up with happiness

A few months ago I heard someone ask these two powerful questions:

* If you won the lottery today would this make you happy?

* If in that same night your child died would you still be happy?

When our happiness is totally dependent on external forces, material wealth or other people, then we will never be able to control our own happiness.

I’m not saying that we should cut ourselves off from the world. I’m just saying that, to hand over full control of your emotions to other people or events, is not the way to find internal happiness.

I speak from my own experience: as a child, much of my happiness was tied up with some of the above. My self worth, confidence, self-love and material happiness were dependent on – and tied up with – my parents: their behavior, love or lack of it, and how they felt about me. Material highs, when given a toy; or fleeting happiness, when being praised for doing something correct.

The down side of this were the very real lows: periods of misery, sadness and pain, when these were taken away. Real self loathing, lack of self worth, and the feeling of never being good enough. I understand only too well the need to find internal happiness, self love, self esteem and self worth.

It wasn’t until I was 15 – after spending over three months in hospital, recovering from my injuries after a suicide attempt – that I learnt to find real happiness. I learned to…

Focus on whatever you can be grateful for in your life

I discovered this worked for me while lying in that hospital bed. One of the other patients, an older lady who was having a hip replacement used to talk to me. A wonderful wise Grandma of 3. She was the catalyst that changed the way I looked at myself. She told me I was of value, that all of us are of value. That we all have lots to give, and to be grateful for.

During those 3 months in hospital I learnt to be grateful: for being alive, for periods when the pain subsided, for when the hospital food tasted good, for the tenderness of the nurses, for the humor of the other patients, for the respite I had from my Mother, when I was able to move my leg, when I could use the toilet instead of the bed pan.

The more I focused on what I could be grateful for, the easier I found it to be grateful. That led to me feeling happier about myself and my life.

It won’t change external things, but it does change the way you look at your life – which can change your perception, and experience, of life for the better.

Because for me, true happiness is a feeling or emotion that makes you feel good inside. It’s an attitude of mind. So, focussing on everyday things with a positive attitude, and learning to feel gratitude for all the good things around you, helps you to learn to feel good and, in turn, be happier. Looking at things in a positive way can help you develop a healthier mindset.

Did this mean that my life was better after I returned home; that events in my life were now under my control? No of course not. Feeling grateful and feeling good about yourself and life does not bring about a miraculous happy ever after fairy tale ending.

But it does give you more control over your own happiness, and how you can control your own emotions. That’s what leads to your inner happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind that can be developed

Happiness is a state of mind; it’s often dependent on how we perceive the world. Why? Because this affects how we react to situations, as well as how we act in general. It affects our behavior and the way we feel about life, and other people. We cannot stop what the world throws at us, but we can control how we think and feel about it.

No one can control our thoughts and feelings, unless we allow them to. So, take control over your happiness, and learn how to find it deep within yourself. Change your mindset, and day by day you will discover an inner peace.

You can also use your faith, if you’re a believer, to help you on this journey. However, whether you’re a believer or not, take serious time out. Time to really think about all the happy moments in your life. While you ponder on these, imagine how life could be – if you learnt to be happy, about all the little insignificant things in life.

The feeling of the gentle warmth of sunlight on your face. The beauty of the sea, glistening in a froth, as the waves meet the shore. The golden autumn leaves dancing around the pavement. The sound of the cold winter wind, blowing outside the window, while you’re snuggly warm inside. The pleasure of quenching your thirst, with a long cool drink, on a hot summer day.

Learn the habit of gratitude – for all the small things in life, that we often take for granted

Start to notice the joy that focussing on these can bring.

When you focus on being grateful for as many things as you can, you often discover many more pleasures in life. Inner happiness and self love flow together: they grow your spirit; they are necessary to your well being. So it’s well worth the time to develop a happier mindset.

Keep doing this every day. Then, in a month or two, you’ll find that it becomes a daily habit, that you hardly have to think about. Then ask yourself what makes you happy. You will find that you have much more to draw upon. You will feel much better about life and about yourself.

You will start to think how you can make others happy. What you can do for others, that makes you feel good. Being happy is a journey: it keeps growing inside you, it helps you to become the person you want to be. It allows you the freedom to grow because, no matter what happens, no matter what other people do or say, you are the one who determines how you think and feel.

The true power of inner happiness

The true power of inner happiness is that you can decide to be happy or not. If someone hurts me, I may feel pain, I may be angry, I may get upset; but I can draw on my internal self for strength, to overcome those feelings, and get over the hurt, anger and sorrow. We all can – if we develop a more positive, useful mindset.

The mindset of inner happiness brings you the joyful knowledge of having plenty, a deeper sense of pleasure in what you already have, the warm feeling of fulfillment when you help others to feel happier about themselves.

So, get to work: ask yourself what you can be happy about, what you can be grateful for, and what you can do for others. Take control of your own inner happiness by developing it in yourself.

Susan J McCann

@susanjmccann

7 ways un-forgiveness could poison your life

Gerry McCann — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 16:43:49 +0000

Be honest! You don’t feel like forgiving, do you?

Why should you forgive?

What they did to you was unforgivable. So, they deserve to be punished.

Do you feel that?

That’s understandable, you’re not the only one. We all feel that at times.

Why then should you forgive people who hurt you badly? They chose to hurt you. They wanted to hurt you. They knew perfectly well how much it would hurt you. Why should you let them off the hook? Forgiving them might make them feel better, but what about you?

So, why should you forgive?

Let’s get one thing straight. Forgiveness never condones, forgiveness never accepts, forgiveness never sanitizes any hurtful behavior. But, until you forgive, you will never let go of the hurt, and remove the poison. The poison of un-forgiveness in your heart.

This poison spreads into every area of your life. This poison will spread out its bitter venom and could eventually destroy you. This poison contaminates you, it corrodes you and it corrupts you: mind, body and spirit.

Why allow your own feelings and behavior to sink as low as the person who hurt you?

“It may be infinitely worse to refuse to forgive than to murder,

because the latter may be an impulse of moment of heat,

whereas the former is a cold and deliberate choice of the heart’

George MacDonald

These words of George MacDonald seem very harsh.

How far could you agree with him?

Does he have a point?

What are some of the ways that this poison affect people’s lives? Or maybe even your life?

So, what are these 7 ways that can poison your life?

1. Un-forgiveness can poison relationships.

How might this happen? There are many devastating ways this poison can affect your relationships. Do you recognize any of these?

Cutting a loved-one out of your life.

“I hate you. Get out, and don’t come back.”

“I’ll never speak to you again”

“Well, they’ve never bothered getting in touch with me, so why should I?”

Resenting your parents

“You never listen to me.”

“Whatever I do is never good enough for you.”

“Why can’t you just let me live my own life?”

Angry with your children

“You never listen to me.”

“I’m telling you for your own good.”

“You’ll never make a decent living doing that.”

Stressed out with work colleagues

“The boss is always on my back”

“I always have to pick up the slack, because they don’t do their job properly.”

“Why should they get promotion before me?”

Falling out with your best friend

“I can’t believe they could do that to me.”

“How could they betray me like that?”

“I could never say that to them.”

Do you recognise any of these? I know I certainly do. I’m sure most people do.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. You are well aware that it’s in your power to change your heart. Relationships are so important in your life.

Why allow them to be destroyed? Why not make the first move? Why don’t you seek a path towards reconciliation?

2 Un-forgiveness affects your health

It’s a well-known medical fact that anger, resentment and feelings of revenge can seriously undermine your health.

These feelings can result in stress, depression, and psychological problems, which in turn affect every cell in your body.

Is that what you want?

Why allow that person to continually affect you long after the incident has passed. Why surrender your health and wellbeing to someone else? Why not move on? Haven’t they done enough to hurt you already?

3. Un-forgiveness robs you of your inner peace, harmony and energy

Any internal conflict is quite incompatible with inner peace. How can you feel calm, relaxed and at peace when you have an unresolved hurt, raging anger or cold resentment in your heart?

Your mind, body and spirit are out of harmony. Because harmony cannot co-exist with conflict, confusion and chaos. These three poisons are the inevitable result of an unforgiving heart.

Hurt, anger and resentment drain your energy. They steal far too much of your precious time and energy, reliving the event over and over. Uselessly. Because this will never change what happened. The past is past. Only its negative impact remains in your mind and heart.

Why settle for conflict when you could enjoy peace?

Why continue to disturb your harmony and peace of mind?

Why waste your energy reliving the past?

4. Un-forgiveness affects the way you see the world

When you’ve been hurt, your subconscious reacts to protect you. This affects your behavior in similar situations.

For instance, if you’ve been out at night and been attacked, you may be afraid of going out alone at night. You may avoid that area completely in future. You may view the world as a much more dangerous place. You’ll be more suspicious of strangers. Your world will begin to shrink.

If your partner has been unfaithful, you may stop trusting them, even if you’ve made it up with them. You may start suspecting what they’re up to when you’re not with them.

If you’ve had your heart broken, then you’re less likely to trust your heart to another. This could extend to how you behave in other relationships too.

As we all know, these are just a few examples.

The way you see the world affects all that you do.

Why continue to let the hurt bring negativity into your world?

Why persist in tolerating someone besmirching your social environment?

Why not drive out that hurt from your heart and enjoy a better life?

5. You will begin to cause hurt to others

These are just a few of the possible consequences: arguments, fights and fall-outs. I’m sure it’s a familiar part of all our lives. We witness it so many times in others as well as ourselves.

You will allow yourself to sink to a lower level of love and compassion. You may begin to behave towards others like the one who hurt you. You will take out the hurt others have caused you on your loved-ones.

For example:

You may take revenge on the person who hurt you, or did you wrong, but this will escalate. It may even hurt other family members who get involved, causing family feuds, or divsions in groups where friends take sides.

You’re cross, stressed, and mad; you get in your car, and drive dangerously. You may cause an accident hurting yourself or injuring an innocent party.

Or, you snap at a customer or colleague because the boss has just shouted at you.

Is that how you want others to see you behave?

We’ve all suffered the pain of other people’s anger. But do we really need to pass in on? We can stop this downward spiral. We just need to look for a better way. We already know that way: understanding, compassion, and forgiveness.

6. Un-forgiveness jars with your loving spirit

It’s almost impossible to live a life of love with a heart filled with anger and un-forgiveness. Why?

Because you suffer an internal conflict in the deepest part of your spirit, where your love and compassion dwell.

Un-forgiveness is also the exact opposite of your very destiny, shaped by the Infinite Love and Intelligence. Whatever your beliefs are: call it God, Source, Higher Power of the Universe. You are destined to be a loving person. That’s why we’re here.

Love is your greatest and all-embracing internal quality. Do you really want to risk compromising it? Do you really want your love to fade and even die, all because your heart is still full of bitterness? Do you really want to defile it with anger, hatred and un-forgiveness?

Of course not! Who in their right mind would? Isn’t it far better to get rid of your hurt, instead of enduring un-necessary turmoil and pain?

Better to live a much happier life, the inevitable fruit of love.

7. Un-forgiveness Undermines Your Happiness

As you can see, by not forgiving you create all manner of nasty things for yourself.

It affects your mental, emotional and physical health. It affects your relationships with love-ones, friends and colleagues. It affects your inner peace, your outlook on life, and your time and energy.

It influences the way you see the world, one of hurt and danger rather than of fun and adventure. It influences your behavior, how you interact with, deal with and perhaps hurt others. It influences your very soul, by contaminating your loving heart with poison, which suddenly stops you on your true path, towards a life of love and fulfillment.

How could you possibly be happy with all that going on?

You know you don’t want that, you don’t deserve that, and you don’t need that.

Stop the poison now.

The sooner you do something about it, the better you’ll feel.

Yes, you think, all very well and good, but how exactly do it I learn to let go of the hurt?

This hurt must be flushed from your very soul. How?

Through the healing balm of forgiveness. Without forgiveness your heart is still trapped in a cage of deadly negativity. Unless this poison is eliminated, it can only expand and grow. You’ll relive that hurt over and over. Every day, every month, every year . . . perhaps forever.

Unless and until you learn to forgive, and release the poison.

“There is a hard law: when an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.”

Alan Paton

So, look into your heart and see if there are people you might need to forgive. Why not let go of that hurt, find a better way, and move on with a happier heart?

And don’t forget the greatest need to forgive that most of us have.You, me and all of us.

We must learn to forgive ourselves.

@themerry_monk

Action for Happiness

Susan McCann — Thu, 02 Jul 2015 12:44:40 +0000

This video introduces Action for Happiness, explaining why we think happiness matters and how Action for Happiness hopes to inspire and enable people to help build a happier society together.

I Will Run To The Rock

Stephanie Mitchell Hughes — Thu, 02 Jul 2015 12:35:33 +0000

Until last September, I was focused on being 50 plus and fabulous. September 2014 ushered in a new season of death that touched the lives of my classmates, several close friends, and members of my church family. By October, I could literally feel the ground shake and crack beneath my feet. I nearly came undone when I found myself returning to the same funeral home in less than seven days for another wake. Emails from my church notifying me that another member of the congregation died became so frequent that I considered unsubscribing from the church’s list serv. Previous seasons of death had always been at least one generation removed. In this season, death rocked my very foundation because it took the lives of my classmates’ parents. My parents have always handled major family crises including death and funeral arrangements. They are strong and unflinching in the face of loss. I merely play a supporting role. This season of death showed me that I am quickly transitioning from a supporting to leading role that will require me to demonstrate the same unflinching strength that my parents have displayed. As I watched others walk through wave after wave of loss, I wondered if my mother and father were next. I developed a pit in my stomach. I even began “mentally preparing” myself as if I could somehow take the sting out of my parents’ death by pre-grieving.

I do not want to feel death’s sting or experience the often disabling grief associated with major life losses such as the death of a parent. My concerns are partly rooted in fear; a fear that an emotional storm of grief will plunge me into a debilitating bout of depression so severe that I will not recover. I fear the unraveling that occurs in the midst of the messy chaos associated with reconstructing a new normal after a hard season of grief. That said I know that God’s grace is sufficient to sustain me in my brokenness, grief, and through the happy, painful, and hard.

God quickly removed that heavy spirit of foreboding that fell upon me during this most recent season of death. He ever so gently shifted my focus from the deaths that occurred to what is true, authentic, beautiful, and worthy of all praise. In my life there have been seasons of joy, laughter, and love. I have also had seasons of pain, loss, and overwhelming sadness. God used these hard seasons to mature and prepare me for His purpose. He has used my messy and chaotic circumstances to strengthen my faith and draw me closer to Him.

As a believer in Christ, I know that death is the birthing room between my physical and eternal lives. I cannot say that I have faith in God and then not trust Him in all things including the death of a loved one. I do not know when I will receive the call that my loved one has died or how I will handle it. I can only hope to demonstrate the same unflinching strength that my parents have shown. So when my hard season of death comes I will run directly to the Strong Tower, my Solid Rock for healing, rest, and protection. In this space God will reconstruct my new normal and keep me in His perfect peace.

Gye Nyame

7 Steps To Happiness

Susan McCann — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 13:37:51 +0000

I know something about grace

Stephanie Mitchell Hughes — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 09:54:11 +0000

In September 2011, medical symptoms that I had experienced only intermittently for many years returned, stayed, and worsened. I became very ill and found it increasingly difficult to balance all of my responsibilities as both a mother and attorney. After months of visits to specialist after specialist, my then treating physician was still unable to diagnose my condition. Finally, in February 2012, my employer gave me a disability packet and sent me home. I was afraid to stop working because my children and I were still financially vulnerable. Unfortunately, it took seven months for my employer to approve my request for disability leave. During this time period, I was not receiving any child support and had no other source of income. Eventually, I exhausted all of my paid leave and had no money to support me and my children as I continued to recover. Since I did not have supplemental disability insurance or any emergency savings, it did not take long for our already unstable financial foundation to completely disintegrate. We soon lost everything including our housing and only car. Against the advice of my physician, I returned to work because we were literally on the verge of having to move into the Y family homeless shelter.

The situation was further compounded by the fact that my son was in his senior year of high school. I had no money to pay for graduation announcements, senior pictures, prom, and other related fees. I spent hours working the telephone in an effort to confirm my son’s space at the college he wanted to attend and reserve dormitory housing without any money. It was in the midst of this seemingly insurmountable and stressful situation, that grace intervened. A woman at the college who I had spoken to frequently found some discretionary funding that could be used to reserve my son’s space and cover a few other fees that had to be paid immediately. She did not have to go the extra mile to help my son. Because of her assistance, my son was able to enroll in college. In the months that followed, grace repeatedly intervened to pave my son’s way to college. He subsequently applied for and was awarded an academic scholarship that covered all of his tuition and provided a stipend for books. Thus far, my son’s college experience has been nothing short of phenomenal.

I do not want to leave the impression that grace is a talisman against hardship and suffering. In my case, grace did not magically force my life back into place. Instead grace has softened the hard places and strengthened my resolve to stay on the journey. I now live with chronic medical conditions that are the proverbial thorn in my flesh and serve as a constant reminder of my own physical weaknesses. Although it was quite tough, I found housing and secured transportation. Today, I am still digging my way out of the financial volcano that erupted as the result of that seven month period in 2012. Yet, because of grace, I know that my circumstances will not overwhelm or defeat me. I will not merely survive but thrive in the face of my circumstances.

Grace cannot be earned or bought. It is freely poured out and lavished upon me. I need only accept what grace offers. Grace heals and refreshes my whole self. It helps me forgive every transgression and to see my transgressors through the lens of mercy. The outpouring of grace will never run dry. Grace has sustained, grown, and healed me in so many of life’s hard places. It will continue to be my strength and shield of protection that will cover me no matter the circumstance. Indeed, I can confidentially testify that I know something about grace.

Gye Nyame!

Stephanie Mitchell Hughes

Meditate your way to a happy life

Gerry McCann — Mon, 13 Apr 2015 10:10:35 +0000

Let’s start with a simple question

How has your journey along the “river of life” turned out so far?

Are you “living the dream”? Or is your life, like it is for most of us, a confused mixture of good, bad and lots of indifferent. Perhaps very few can honestly say they are living a life of complete happiness. Maybe we all “drift” a bit?

I believe that one of the great keys to happiness is finding your passions, and then planning a well-directed “river cruise.”

No doubt we’ve heard that advice many times before. How do you respond? Too good to be true? I’m sure many people think so: “All this business about discovering your passions and living the dream. I don’t really believe it! The world’s not like that. The best you can do is soldier along, and be grateful if some days are better than others.”

I’m afraid many people have accepted this lesser view of life: “life’s hard, bad things happen, so much is beyond our control. People only ‘live the dream’ in fairy stories: ‘and they lived happily ever after! THE END’.“

The profound wisdom of self-knowledge

I honestly believe that there’s more than that to this business of finding your passions in life. Why? Because there are countless examples of adventurous people who have discovered visions for their life that transformed them. How did they do it? And how do we discover our passions?

That can be a problem: it may be far from obvious what you’re passionate about. That’s why we need to take time out to be quiet and to think, meditate and contemplate. This is your personal inward journey of self-discovery. The ancient adage says it so wisely:

“To Know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.“

– Socrates

So much of our life is lived on the surface, with the demanding realities of day-to-day living absorbing all our energy. We rarely get a chance to sit back, forget all that day-to-day stuff, and go deep inside ourself. We simply must find that precious thinking time, for it can repay you a thousand time over.

Why not ask yourself, right now, “who is the real me? Suppose I had a completely new start today. What would I do, what would I want to have, and above all who would I really be? What drives me? What do I really care about? What are my deepest values? How am I living those values? What do I consider to be really important?”

You could even challenge yourself with the ultimate personal question: “If I were on my death-bed, what aspects of my life would I be most proud of?” That question is so enlightening, because when we are dying, we finally see life’s trivial pursuits with a new clarity of vision. We see them for what they really are: not really that important.

Such self-questioning can be difficult. Yet if we think about it, the answers we discover could have a dramatically positive impact on our life. This questioning will lead us to a greater understanding of ourselves, and this in turn would begin to uncover some of our deepest passions. We would even have a better answer, a deeper insight, into that “impossible” question: what’s the meaning of life?”

My own experience

Let me share with you how I took a major step towards discovering a great passion of mine when I was just 17. There was an old battered book, lying on the 6th form classroom windowsill. The front cover was missing. It was lunchtime, and I was sitting quietly eating my sandwiches. I picked up the book out of curiosity, opened it at random, and it stopped me in my tracks.

It made me think deeply about the meaning of my own life, giving me a vision for my future. The book talked about the greatest vocation possible for a young Catholic boy – to be a priest. I believed every word it said as I realised just how deep my faith was. Those few quiet moments of casual reading, thinking and meditating set me on a course that would eventually lead to a lifetime vocation as a priest and monk.

Life is long, we go through so many phases, so many years. Hence this deep thinking process should be ongoing. I believe the human spirit is so wonderful and complex that we are still discovering the “real me” well into old age. I certainly am! The more we discover, and the more we adapt to who we really are, the better we’ll feel.

This voyage of self-knowledge will lead to greater happiness and fulfilment. Some would even say, “you know what? I’m beginning to understand some of the things that I was born to do, and that makes me feel great!”

Gerry McCann – The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk