My first thought is to ask whether the personal relationships, referred to in this beautiful quote, are positive or negative. Positive relationships mean that we get on well with people. If we have negative relationships, then that tends to isolate us.

Obviously Ben is taking about positive relationships. The ability to get on well with other people is a golden quality, that oils the success wheels of all kinds of life ventures, where we have to work with other people.

What’s your boss like?

One huge area, where this personal relationship dimension is crucial, is in business. Most businesses are hierarchical, an authority pyramid, with different levels of responsibility for others. A key issue is how the boss treats their workers. Gone are the days when it was simply a matter of dictatorship. What the boss told you to do, you did it. If not, you got fired.

Let’s hope we’re a bit more advanced today. A boss who can command the respect, even the love of their workers, is the boss who builds a successful company. Human relations savvy is essential. Business success, of course, also depends on many other elements; elements such as how the market is doing, whether the product is good enough to compete with competitors, and so on. However . . .

Even if all these other elements are in place, a boss who can’t get on with their staff can undermine the whole business, and lead to failure. An unhappy workplace is a recipe for failure.

Happy Families?

Let’s take another area where relationships are key: families. Countless movies bear witness to what happens when family relationships go wrong. Their storylines depend on disagreements, fights, misunderstandings, etc. On the other hand, Romcoms bear witness to the beauty, joy and happiness that spring from positive relationships – at least by the end of the movie! Yes, “boy still gets girl.”

Politics and Them and Us

We could make a seemingly endless list of different areas of life, where positive relationships are essential, and yet often seem so hard to achieve. A massive area is politics, where the very fibre of political life seems to be a relentless “them and us” battleground.

Of course, this applies in so-called “democratic” countries; but is so much worse in countries still tied in to dictatorial regimes. Countries, where people have to obey like sheep, are hardly likely to result in “advancement, success and achievement” of our Ben Stein quote.

The matter becomes even worse, when we examine the relationship between different countries, especially when they have different models of leadership. That’s the obvious reason why we have so many wars, and today’s no different.

Is there a better, peaceful way?

Many philosophers and spiritual leaders today attempt a paradigm shift in our thinking. They help us to see that it’s possible to move from the duality of “them and us” to the “oneness” of us all. I fear they have a long, uphill struggle.

There are just so many “dualities” we still cling to in life. Dualities, where there are just two options to choose from: them and us, right or wrong, for or against, etc. We experience such dualism is race, religion, politics, rich and poor – to name just a few.

Will the day ever come when we see ourselves as family, as “brothers and sisters?” It’s a beautiful dream, but it seems a long way off.

Maybe you can help?

Maybe not in our lifetime. Utopia still seems an impossible dream. All we can do, as individuals, is to try to live that mindset within our little piece of the world: our family, our friends, and our local community.

How could you do even one little thing to move from division towards unity? What will you do today, tomorrow . . .?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How are Unity and Division working out in your life? Please let us know by leaving a comment.

Let’s admit it. We often like having a little moan, about the things in life we don’t like. That’s a very common, very human reaction. We start complaining, having a go, maybe even having a bit of a rant. Or even a big rant!

Great. You feel much calmer, after “getting it off your chest”, as they say? O.K. so far so good, you may think. But ask yourself: “what else have I achieved?”

Nothing at all. You haven’t changed anything to do with whatever it is you’re not happy about.

We’re all a bit like that, aren’t we? Reminds me of the old saying: “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot hurt me.” Neither do words alone change anything you feel is not right. However . . .

Feel your complaint enough to be inspired

Maybe a word, but in the right ear, might actually achieve something. Maybe you can change it after all!  That’s what Maya is saying in this quote: Please don’t just have a useless little rant. Sit down. Calm down. Put on your thinking cap, and then make a list of all the possible ways you could help change it – whatever the “it” is.

Of course, making a list of possible actions is not enough. We need to analyse them carefully: look at the pros and cons of each, and then decide what exactly you’re going to do. And when you can do it! Then just do it!

That’s one way to change things. Be proactive, believe you can achieve far more than your inbuilt negativity allows. Yes. You too really can make a difference.

The power of the team approach

If the course of action seems too much for you, then adopt the strategy that all “shakers and movers” use. They get other people on board, form a little team, believe that “two heads are better than one”, and work to bring about the change they feel is needed.

The second part of the quote is equally challenging. It tells of an all too common experience: there’s nothing we can do about it. The action needed to change things may be way out of our league. I must confess I feel that way about so many tragic things going on in the world. War and famine, seemingly part of our broken humanity’s DNA. “What the heck can I do about Syria?” – to take a current example.

Be realistic in what you can achieve

So Maya suggests “change your attitude.” Perhaps she is simply suggesting not to worry yourself, into an early grave, over something utterly beyond your control. As they say, “you can’t take the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

So, maybe it’s just a question of accepting the fact that we live in a very primitive world, and trying to do our best in the tiny fraction of it that’s within our reach. Suffering and death are facts of life, whether we like it or not. We all suffer, we all die. We just try to make a difference where and when we can.

At the very least, let’s all decide that it’s better to be a part of the solution, than part of the problem. Yes, much better – even if our contribution to the wider world is minuscule, when judged on a cosmic scale.

What about the situation, where we don’t like something about ourselves that we can’t change. Let’s say you’ve got cancer. My brother had terminal cancer, he just adopted a very positive attitude, and did the best he could, never complaining. His attitude was to spend the time he had left, as best he could, with family and friends. I was lucky, I was cured of prostate cancer, and so far it hasn’t come back. My attitude is one of gratitude, and thanks to God, for my ongoing health.

As Maya says, if you can’t change something then, at very least, adopt a more positive attitude towards it. You’ll feel much happier.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How have you helped, in some small way, to “change the world?” How have your attitudes changed in those matters outside of your control? Please tell us, and share a comment below.

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

11: How do You Use Your Money?

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make this world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Here are a few thoughts on the power of love.

Thank you for listening. Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Let’s all continue to help make our world a better place

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

So many of us go through life not using all our skills, gifts or talents. What about you?

To what extent do you use yours? Do you hide some of your talents from the world?

Ask yourself: what gifts, skills or talents have I used, shown or shared? Have I only uncovered the tip of the iceberg? Have I got more to offer?

It’s so easy to do the things, and share the skills, you already feel really confident about; but what about all those things that you can do, yet keep quiet about?

You know deep down you have much more to give.

So why don’t you? What’s stopping you?

I just haven’t got the time, you say to yourself. I can’t do everything.

Or is it because you just don’t think your gifts are not perfect enough? Is it because you’re scared of rejection? Is it because you fear how others may judge you.

How many talented people have the guts to put themselves on the line. Are you one of them?

Suppose you’ve got the time. Time’s not the real problem here. The real problem is often simply lack of confidence.

After all, using your gifts is not always about being the best, or even making a career out of them. Using your gifts and talents should be fun, you should enjoy using them. Think back to your childhood.

What can you learn from children?

Remember how you behaved. You’d sing and dance. You’d tell stories, play games and run races. You’d draw and have fun painting. You’d do all these things without any thought if they were good or not . . . until the first time someone put you down. Even then it may have taken some time to put a damper on your activity.

Is that why you’re so self-concious; is that why we you’re so fearful not to “show yourself up”? Is it because you have learned to lack confidence? Yes, learned; after all, I’m sure most of you sang, painted, ran, told stories, played games and sport, all without any thought of whether you were any good or not. Most of you probably thought you were good, but that didn’t really matter; you were enjoying it.

Who stole your self-confidence?

Many of us have learned to lack confidence, especially if we’ve been put down, laughed at, or told we weren’t good enough. Who told us? Well, the list is endless. These are just some examples: parents, teachers, peer groups, friends, family etc. We’ve allowed our confidence to be eroded, bit by bit, in so many small ways, over so many years and in different situations.

It’s not surprising then that most of us never venture forward with skills we may have, that are not perfected, not seen as outstanding or exceptional. Just because of some sense of “not being good enough”.

You don’t have to be the best 

For example, take shows like The X Factor or The Voice. We often hear the judges say things like “Yes she can sing, but she’s just not good enough”. So, does that mean her voice can no longer give pleasure to herself or other people? Just because she won’t make a hit single, or be at the top of the charts? I’m sure the judges of these shows don’t mean to stop them singing; but how many of the contestants often feel rejected and despondant?

Maybe they won’t get a hit record or a recording deal. Is that the only way to use their talent? Lots of singers give enormous pleasure to audiences all over the world, without ever reaching the so-called “top”. How many people with good voices give up altogether, and never sing in public again? What a waste of talent.

We all need to learn to be glad of our talents, and learn to enjoy them no matter what. Lots of us have talents, in all kinds of areas of life, that we’ve locked away: just because they’re not perceived as perfect. Why allow the best be the enemy of the good?

Your talents can bring happiness to many people

Let’s all remember to be more like we were as children, and learn to enjoy life, without worrying what others think. Skills, gifts and talents are wasted if we don’t use them to help people, or bring happiness or enjoyment to ourselves and others.

So challenge yourself to share your talents and stop hiding them. Learn to let go of worrying about not being perfect; none of us are. We only have to venture out of our hiding places, and give it a go.

A gift is meant to be given; share them with someone you trust, or you know will benefit from your help. Skills never improve without practice, and talents are meant to enrich your life.

You know, deep down, you have much more to offer. Don’t let the tyranny of perfection or being the best imprison your talents.

Come out of hiding. Make others happy and be happier yourself.

Susan J McCann

Happiness coach

@susanjmccann

Our Bible text for this meditation is  (Mat. 4:19)

“And he said to them: follow me and I will make you fishers of men. “

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev, Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Our Bible text for this meditation is  (Mat. 4:4)

“One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. “

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev, Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

1. The Meaning of Life

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make our world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Our Bible text for this meditation is  (Mat. 3:3)

“The voice of one crying in the wilderness, prepare the way of the Lord.  “

Peace and blessings to you and your loved-ones.

Rev. Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

I believe we’re all more than a little terrified of attempting to do something really big and challenging. Something that seems to us almost impossible. Let’s take an example of when might this happen:

One way is when we are urged to set great goals for our life.

Sometimes we allow ourselves to become powerfully motivated, and inspired to break the mold. We start to believe that great success is just possible – even for me! We try to take on board what we read in self-help books. We become motivated to “go for it.”

We tell ourselves we believe it. We try it. We set the great goals, the “impossible dreams”. We may even write down these goals, and solemnly promise ourselves this is for real.

It makes us excited and happy. We’re over the moon. We can see it all! Wouldn’t that be fabulous?

The sudden shock of what might be involved

Then stark reality kicks in. I suddenly realize just what I’ve done. Fear and panic grip me:

“That goal’s huge. I’m terrified. It won’t work. Beautiful thought though it is: no way, man! Let’s get real! I can’t possibly do that. It’s not for me. It’s impossible!”

Back to dull but safe mediocrity

So, we calm down. We do “get real.” By that we mean that we choose to forget those “impossible” dreams.

“They’re just pipe-dreams,” we tell ourselves.

So once again we settle for the “possible”: tiny goals.

We can see immediately that these little goals really can be achieved. That comforts us. We rejoin the masses of underachievers. We feel much better now.

“Better than that going after the impossible” we feel, “too much stress and hard work! I’m not ready for  a mental breakdown!”

The secret of success revealed

The secret path to great success is the step-by-step approach. But let’s be quite clear why it’s a “secret.“

The secret here is not that we’ve never heard of “step-by-step”. The secret is this: it really will work for me too, if only I do it. Step by step really can overcome our natural fear and self-doubt.

The sad fact is that “step-by-step” doesn’t work for most people. Why not? Why do most people fail? Simple. They stop believing in themselves.

They also get fed up. Get bored. Lose interest. Lose patience. Look around for something different. Opt out. They give up. No staying power!

“I knew it wouldn’t work,” we tell ourselves.

Our comfort zones have become our jailers. We’ve all heard of comfort zones. However, we underestimate their power. What we fail to realize is that comfort zones can also be deadly. They paralise us. They really can hold us, chained and bound, in an iron grip.

Why? Because we think that we have to change everything overnight, and that terrifies us. Great fear stands guard at the door of every comfort zone.

What’s the answer? The magic key to unlock the door, push fear aside? PATIENCE! We need to be patient. We need to believe in the immense power of steady, relentless, day-by-day change.

It is well said that,

“We greatly overestimate what we can do in the short term, but vastly underestimate what we can do in the long run.”

The wisdom of Mother Nature

We need perspective. Mother Nature herself is our best teacher. The miracle of growth, in its countless million different forms, can only happen with time. Growth happens constantly, but so slowly you can’t see it. It’s like watching paint dry!

Kids take years to grow up. We can’t see those miniscule daily steps. Yet progress is relentless, 24/7. Let Nature teach us her lesson: the best way to grow, evolve and change is imperceptibly, step by step.

We are all under the curse of impatience. We’ve made an idol of speed and efficiency. Yet change is time bound, and we must patiently respect this fact of life.

Marathon man

Great goal achievement is a bit like running a marathon. I speak from experience. I began running marathons when I was 65 years old. I believed it was possible. I took all the steps, over a period of months. No problem!

It is a perfect metaphor for the step by step approach. To run a marathon you, quite literally, have to take thousands of small steps.

To jump 26 miles, in a single step, is impossibe. The very thought is absurd. However, realising that it will take you a few hours, you patiently set off at a comfortable, steady pace.

Each step is easy: something you’ve done, quite unthinkingly, ever since you were a child. We can all do that. As they say, “just keep putting one foot in front of the other!”

Easy steps

Whatever we want to do, no matter how difficult and seemingly impossible, can be achieved over time by taking steps. Break it all down into a series of small mini-tasks.

The key is right here: each and every step is small, easy and manageable.

Patience

That’s the magic ingredient. Yet so few of us have mastered it. I’m reminded of a little rhyme I learned many years ago:

“Patience is a virtue, get it of you can,

seldom in a woman, never in a man”

What’s your experience?

Search your own memory bank. I’ll willing to bet that there have been many times in your life when the simple step by step approach has served you well.

If you’ve done it before, you can do it again.

Just make completely sure that you’re absolutely passionate about the magnificent goals you want to achieve.

Make sure that love, service and commitment to others is at the heart of your ambitions.

Gerry McCann (The Merry Monk) 

@themerry_monk

“To give and not to count the cost, is the measure of true, deep and lasting love.”

– The Merry Monk

What is love? 

The word love is used in countless ways, with a huge variety of meanings.

How then do we know what people are really talking about, when using the word love? And does it matter anyway?

I believe it does: for me, love is the very meaning of life, why we’re here. I feel passionately, as I’m sure we all do, that love matters most in all human endeavors.

So what is love? What more can we say?

The four loves

CS Lewis, author of the famous series of books The Chronicles of Narnia, also wrote about love. His non-fiction book, The Four Loves, throws a lot of light on the subject. He distinguishes four different kinds of love:

1. Affection
2. Brotherly love
3. Romantic love
4. Unconditional love

What does Lewis mean by these four loves? And where do they fit into our own life? Your life?

This is my take on it. I believe that we’re all on a lifetime love journey: from self-centeredness, all the way to self-forgetfulness, giving and even altruism.

In this love journey, all four loves have an important role to play in our human growth and development. All four loves continue; they remain an essential dimension of our life, as we grow into deeper maturity and wisdom.

Where does love’s journey start?

It all begins with going beyond our own needs, and a natural self-interest that risks becoming selfish, and then looking outward to others, and their needs.

We wake up, and realize that we are called to give, as well as receive. We have the first stirrings of love.

This first level of love, affection, is the natural love we usually feel for family and friends. This love is almost inborn as we live, relax and communicate in a small, intimate group.

I, myself, am truly fortunate to have experienced this love. I hope you did too. We were mother, father and three boys. The affection dimension was the very atmosphere that we breathed, at least most of the time.

And yet this affection is a tender plant, easily uprooted: as family feuds, quarrels and divisions amply testify.

The next level

Beyond family is a deeper brotherly love we experience for another person, one who somehow seems a bit special to us.

This is often described as having a best friend, a good mate, a bosom pal. I’m sure we’ve all had best friends. Such people have more than a natural affection for each other.

They are prepared to give time, energy and commitment to each other. Often they are ready to suffer, and perhaps even die, for such a close and cherished “brother.”

Such a person, then, is not simply a brother or sister that my parents gave me; it is a “brother” freely chosen, whose life and company we respect, esteem, admire and enjoy. Think of people you know like that.

In my own schooldays, and throughout my life, I am fortunate to have experienced brotherly love. Close friends: my buddies, my mates, my pals. These were my special “brothers.”

This too is an immense blessing, especially when we see so many people who feel lonely, sad and rejected.

Beyond brothers

The third level is romantic love, calling us to an even deeper love, union and commitment to another. People who are in love. We can even speak of having found our “soul mate.”

Romantic love finds expression in a long-term, and all-embracing mutual commitment, one to the other: “two in one flesh.” Such love is often displayed publicly, and witnessed, in the ceremonies of marriage and civil partnerships.

I hope you also know this love in your own life!

And me? Did I find this love? Yes! I myself finally experienced this romantic love, when I was already in my late 50’s! Never too late!

That was 20 years ago. It has been an amazing experience of love and commitment to a my very special woman. This love has greatly eased my way into the third age of life.

The highest level

Finally there is the unconditional love, that flows beyond family, best friends, and sexual partners. It reaches out to embrace the wider community. It commits to many unknown others, in a profound desire to make a difference in their lives.

It was of this highest love that St Ignatius spoke, in his classic prayer: that he might:

“love, and give, and not count the cost …”

You would be right to ask me: “To what extent did you yourself commit to this magnificent love?”

I’m more than happy to reply. This is my story. I was just 18 years old. I was young, idealistic and ready to take a jump. I did: straight into level four, unconditional love! How is that possible? What did I do?

Franciscan Monk and Priest 

I felt an overwhelming call to dedicate my life to God, and to the service of other people. This I achieved by joining a religious community of Franciscans. I knew them: they ministered in my local parish church.

For the next 40 years I worked in the love and service of countless people, in many places. I even spent 8 years as a missionary in Central America, working with my North American brothers, and serving the local people.

My own struggles

Was my experience of unconditional love easy?

No, it’s never that easy. Not for me, not for anyone. It was a massive and ongoing challenge. There were endless ups and downs, good times and bad. How did I cope?

There were numerous things that I learnt and did. Above all, I received endless, excellent help and support from many good people, especially my Franciscan brothers.

Within my own deepest spirit, and still burning brightly, there was that unquenciable flame of love; a flame that drove me all through the years. This flame was nurtured by my Christian belief, that I should love and serve God, and His people, with ALL of my heart, mind, body and spirit.

Ask yourself: “How far have I got?”

The greatest and most challenging of these four loves is, of course, unconditional love; a love that CSLewis also calls “God-love.” Such complete love has both an emotional and a rational dimension: the whole person is involved.

1. Emotional: this altruistic love often has a great element of compassion, where we feel for the suffering and needs of others.
2. Rational: in our mind, we realize that the right thing to do is to help in any way possible. It appears to us as a basic human value.

I believe we all possess an awesome strength, deep within. You, too, are called to unconditional love.

It’s true: we may not all be called to a high level of unconditional love. It’s simply important to remember that this inner strength is always available — if we keep focussed on giving to others, and making a difference in our own unique way.

My own life has been a challenging, and yet blessed, happy and fulfilling journey into these four classic loves. That journey is there for all of us. It can be done. It should be done.

Please remember, and believe it: I’m no different to you. We’re all weak, fallible human beings; and yet also with the seeds of greatness within.

What has been your own experience to the present?

What might it be in the future?

May I wish you every happiness and success, as you continue on your own love journey!

Simple: just be nice, and behave yourself!

Not too difficult, surely? Just treat people with respect. That’s what everybody craves, whoever they are. Respect. Something very deep within us all. People even commit serious violence, simply because they believed they were not respected. Why?

Because no-one can accept being rejected as a person, perceived as nothing! We all deserve respect, whoever we are. But why do we all deserve respect? Surely the “bad guys” have forfeited their right to respect?

I don’t think so! Why? because I am convinced that every single human being deserves respect. Whoever they are. Whatever they have done.

How can I say that? I follow the ancient wisdom that distinguishes between the “sinner” and the “sin.” It states: “Hate the sin. Yes. But love the sinner.”

Such a belief will help us treat others with respect. Respect for another person’s humanity is the very first building block of mutual rapport and understanding.

An important attitude of rapport

So, to build rapport, an attitude of caring, displaying kindness and concern, will always attract the other person.

This is true of people we consider criminals. Those who work with them have found that they respond to a friendly, caring attitude of understanding in those who have to interview them.

If this seems hard to do, remember life’s not black and white. Good guys and bad guys. We’re all a mixture of good, bad and indifferent. Even so-called bad guys are not totally corrupt. There’s always a core of “better self” that can be discovered and appealed to.

Given the right attitude of rapport and understanding, a pathway to redemption can be opened up. Real life demonstrates countless examples of this happy outcome. People who have “ found God.” in prison. Many others who  have found a way forward, quite apart from any religious context. They’ve come to realise there’s another way: they’re “better than that.”

If only we could have such rapport and understanding in our world today, we would already be nearly “back to the Garden” – walking in an earthly paradise. Just think what a massive asset this could be – in every conceivable walk of life!

The “era of peace and understanding” would finally have arrived!

No caring = no rapport

What happens if this respectful, caring and open attitude is missing? If we feel the other person doesn’t really care about us, looks down on us, even rejects us in some way, then we turn off immediately. We are tempted to think:

“Is this person just trying to use me? What does she/he want?” 

Such an attitude is the death of any possible rapport. It can only lead to strained relationships, quarrels, rejection, violence and, in extreme cases, even murder. More like a living nightmare.

Unfortunately in today’s world, it would seem that millions still don’t get the message. Just listen to the news any day of the week.

Rapport flows from love

Perhaps we can tie rapport-building in with “fraternal love”. Fraternal love simply means we care for others as if they were our brothers. In fact, we actually are all brothers and sisters – in the wider sense of us all being constituent members of the human family.

Bearing this profound relationship in mind, we are less tempted to make quick, superficial and negative judgements about others.

Deep down, we’re all family, and life’s all about love.

The awesome power of loving rapport

Only love can open people up, and then we discover who they really are. As they say, “A stranger is simply a brother/sister I haven’t met yet.” We’re all in this together. That’s the root of our caring – we are all family.

People always soften when faced with unconditional love. They allow their better side to show. Even hardened criminals crave love, and will be moved and changed by it.

Rapport is simply a fancy word meaning that we get on with people, and we feel at ease; conversation, and even laughter, come effortlessly. Rapport is the necessary and inevitable outcome of treating another with love and acceptance.

Authentic rapport is crucial

But the love, caring and positive attitudes must be authentic and genuine. It is very difficult to pretend to accept someone, when inside we’re quite different. Inside and outside just don’t gel.

The other person becomes aware of it, because it shows in a hundred little ways. Pretense and rapport are incompatible.

How is pretense discovered? It’s seen in the face, capable of a thousand little gestures that betray and mirror what’s going on inside. Even experts in body language find it almost impossible to disguise their true feelings – in tiny little ways, their face, and countless other spontaneous body movements, give them away.

Rapport for us all!

In conclusion: anyone can build better rapport, by focusing on respect, acceptance and love of others.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Bored of the same old feeling guilty at New Year? You know how it goes.

“So then, what’s your New Year Resolution?”

“Er . . . I’m not sure yet. But don’t worry, I’ll  think of something.”

“Yeah? Well I’m going to lose some weight this year. Definitely need to lose a few pounds!”

We all know that’s rubbish! Why? Because, most of the time, we’re not really serious about it. We’re only doing it because we feel we have to; it’s a social expectation.

So, let’s be rebels! Why not make this year different? In fact, so different it’s more of a reVolution, a serious change, than a superficial reSolution, that means little.

New Year: Benefits, benefits, benefits!

You won’t do anything, unless you can see a potential benefit that thrills and excites you. Something that you’re passionate about, you want, but you still don’t have. That’s the first step. Think of some benefit that you really long to have. Something, even if it’s very challenging, provided two things:

• it excites you, and
• is actually possible.

The constant thought of that desired benefit will sustain you over the year. You’ll be able to face the greatest challenges. But, you have a question,

“How can I have a constant thought of the benefit? I got a life to live, more important things to think about. I’ll soon forget some fantasy benefit, that doesn’t even exist?”

Excellent question!

New Year: Design your very own action plan: then do it!

In spite of life’s pressing concerns, we can make big changes in our life. But how? Here’s a few tips:

1. Take/Make time,
2. Sit down, and
3. Plan out your strategy, like a brilliant business plan.

If you don’t do that, then how can I know you’re serious?

You must keep that better life benefit – bright, shiny, attractive and appealing – before you every day! Think about it. Talk about it. Feel it. Long for it. Desire it with all you heart.

There are a thousand ways to do this. You must make sure that better life benefit is everywhere you go, wherever you look, staring at you whatever you do! Strategically placed reminders are all around you.

Be creative: make a poster, a picture, a slogan – and plaster them all round your house. Talk to yourself every day on a video clip, and play it to yourself regularly. That shining goal must be before your eyes every single day. It’s like a life coach constantly nagging you to do what you promised!

New Year ReVolution: JUST DO IT!

This simple plan can be followed by anyone! Anyone at all, who’s seriously determined to make 2015 a very special year to remember.

Are you with me? I’ve already started on one of mine. What about you?

Great success be yours!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What do you think about the season of Goodwill?

What place has Christmas in a secular world?

Many people worry that “the real meaning” of Christmas is getting lost. They often blame the consumerism, that seems to take over, and dominate our thoughts and behavior. We witness frantic, excessive and expensive shopping sprees to buy the compulsory Christmas presents, and to stock up on special food or booze. Credit often cards get hammered.

The belief is that such concerns make us forget what Christmas is all about: the “real” meaning of Christmas. I disagree!

I don’t believe that it needs to be either/or. I am a life-long Christian, and I fully understand the religious and spiritual meaning of Christmas. I go to Mass, I rejoice in Jesus Christ, and accept and try to live the message of peace and goodwill to all.

But why on earth should that stop me appreciating other good things? I enjoy a beautiful meal, and a glass of wine, as much as the next person. So did Jesus, as far as we know! I don’t believe in a religion, that seems to condemn “earthly pleasures” as something evil and “against the will of God.” 

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Let me repeat: it’s not either/or. It’s both! All we need to do is to keep things in balance, the material and spiritual. After all, are they not just two ways of enjoying the good things in life, that the loving Creator has given us. The honest use of products designed to meet our basic human needs cannot be wrong. Jesus never condemned feasts, providing they don’t degenerate into immoral or inappropriate behavior.

The Meaning of Christmas: Just a cliche?

So what seems to be the problem here? Does our focus on feasting overshadow the spiritual dimension? Do we forget the real meaning of Christmas? Does it get lost? Or perhaps, in today’s secular world, the spiritual and religious dimension no longer resonates deeply? Yet, even if it does indeed resonate, and we do accept that Christmas is a “time for forgiving”, a profound and challenging question still remains:

What do we do in response to the spiritual message?

How does it affect our behavior, our life? Do we even think of changing any behavior, attitudes or beliefs, that are incompatible with peace and goodwill to all? Has that message become something of a cliche? We nod at that message in bored agreement, pour another glass of wine . . . and then do nothing about it in our life?

Same old me when Christmas is over? Back to the old ways? The Meaning of Christmas can become a temporary moment of light, lost within an ongoing darker life. If so, what can we do?

The Meaning of Christmas: A few suggestions

Maybe the best response of all is to take the whole idea of New Year Resolutions more seriously. Tie Christmas and New Year together:

“If I want to live the message of Christmas better, then by New Year I need to start changing . . . whatever must change.”

Christmas spirit finds new meaning in the New Year. In that way you can extend the spirit of Christmas, in your own life, well beyond the confines of December and January. Become a better person, happier, more successful.

You could even find yourself living a whole lifetime of better peace and goodwill to all!

Now wouldn’t that be a Christmas present for all you loved-ones?

A legacy to “die for.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

So many people see dyslexia as a disadvantage, why is that?

The reason is that they don’t fit into the perceived “normal” tick box in our education systems. In the past, and even now in some cases, the education system has just simply not understood why and how a dyslexic child learns and processes information.

Because dyslexic children found it either impossible, or really difficult, to learn in the same way other children do, they were labeled as either stupid or lazy. We now realize that such a view is simply ignorance. They don’t need to be cured it’s not a disease, as some people still believe; they just think differently.

I’m dyslexic, and understand all too clearly how it felt. When I was at school, my parents were told I was bright but very lazy, not applying myself. I knew this wasn’t true, as I worked really hard trying to learn. So I thought I must be stupid. I didn’t discover I had dyslexia until I was 40, as a mature student in my second year at University. It was like a great weight had lifted from my shoulders.

It was a really emotional experience; finding out, for the first time, that I wasn’t stupid or lazy. My brain just processed information in a different way. Imagine if you can’t do something: like sing, draw or dance; and you’re told you must be stupid, because you can’t do these simple things. How do you think that would make you feel?

Would it mean that, just because you didn’t have these skills, then you wouldn’t amount to much. What would that do to your self-esteem and confidence?

Hopefully, we’ve now moved on from this perception, and use different methods of educating dyslexic children. Now they can reach their full potential, and feel valued and confident about themselves.

Even so many people, outside the education system, still persist in seeing being dyslexic as a disadvantage. This is because they only focus on the problems that dyslexics have in learning:

• Reading
• Writing
• Maths
• Working memory

Employers and work colleagues often assume that dyslexics will have trouble doing their job. There’s still a lack of understanding about the surprising benefits of being a dyslexic. Society at large is still focussed only on their problems, not their strengths that they can bring to the world.

The positive strengths dyslexics have

Their are a lot of benefits to being dyslexic; they tend to be more creative. They very often think way outside of the box, and generally see the bigger picture. Dyslexics usually have far more empathy for others who are disadvantaged by negative attitudes in society. Maybe that’s because they may have suffered themselves from how others see and judge them.

Lots of research has shown the many benefits of dyslexia

“The gift of dyslexia is truly the gift of mastery. A dyslexic person can master things faster than the ordinary person can even understand them” Ronald D Davis

“You need dyslexics around; they really change our view of the things”                                                                                                                                                   Professor John Stein, a Professor of Neuroscience at Oxford University

“Millions of individuals with dyslexia are good at what they do, not in spite of their dyslexic processing differences, but because of them”  Brock l. Eide, MD., MA and Fernette F. Eide, MD, from their book  The Dyslexic Advantage

 Some famous dyslexics: 

• Albert Einstein
• Richard Branson
• Leonardo da Vinci
• Winston Churchill
• Hans Christian Andersen

As you can see, dyslexics have a lot to offer.

Instead of  being a disadvantage, the dyslexic way of thinking should be seen as a real advantage, not just to them but to society. Let’s hope society at large can look upon dyslexics in a better light from now on.  How about you?

Susan J McCann,

@susanjmccann

Author: “Where on earth did my book disappear to?”

As authors we need to sell our work. Buyers have almost unlimited choice these days. Your books can disappear, lost among the countless other books published every year. I too have experienced that awful feeling:  you invest a big chunk of your life writing, and hardly anyone is interested. A bit soul-destroying, isn’t it?

How to find the needle in the haystack

If your books aren’t selling very well, you need to find out two things:

1) why people are not buying, and

2) what you can do about it.

Number 1: as you know, there can be very many different reasons why your book’s not selling. That would be a long and complicated post in itself, delving into the whole complex business of creating, marketing and selling your books.

Number 2: however, I’d like to share a few thoughts about what you can do to attract more readers:

The all-important “like-ability” factor

So, how to attract those much-needed readers? Let’s focus on an essential element; something important that you can, and must do: make people like you and like what you say. So, how do you do that? As an author, you need to convince them that you’re a nice person, and that you’ve something useful to say.

How do they come to the conclusion that you’re a nice person? Simple: write nice stuff. Nice stuff? Yeah, beautiful, loving, inspiring, motivational stuff, that displays your best values and beliefs. Your readers need to warm to you, attracted by your human values, such as love and compassion. The author’s attitude of caring, kindness and concern for people will attract the reader.

Author: Your unique “like-ability”

The author’s voice, the unique way you write, must attract the reader. It must be authentic, springing from a good heart. It is very difficult to pretend to be caring, when on the inside we are quite different. The ‘real you’ will come through in your writing, and the reader will pick up on it. This positive relationship you build with your readers is vital. They become your “clan” and look forward to your next book.

Author: Your caring is crucial

If readers feel the author doesn’t really care about them, they turn off immediately. Our caring for our readers must be genuine; part of a generous love and care for all people. If not, we could be perceived as putting on an act – just to sell books.

Why strive for such altruistic love? Simply because we are all part of our incredible human family. As they say, “A stranger is simply a brother/sister I haven’t met yet.” I really believe that; and I’m sure you do as well.

We are all in this together. That’s the root of our caring – we are all family.

And we authors have much to give

Gerry McCann – the Merry Monk

@themerry_monk

 Entrepreneurs: It’s all about people skills  

As we know: cash is king! You can never succeed as an entrepreneur if the business doesn’t make money. Simple as that! No profit, no success, all out of a job. Money, as we all know, is necessary. In itself it’s neither good or bad. It’s how we use it that’s important.

However if all you really want, as an entrepreneur, is simply to make money for its own sake, then that could be dangerous. Why? Because that desire for money could affect other parts of the business. It could affect the way we treat people. Our people skills will let us down. People, as we know, are more important than anything else. What people? Staff, clients, customers, suppliers, etc.

Unless we entrepreneurs learn how to deal with people, then staff will become fed up and leave. Clients won’t be back for repeat business. Suppliers will let you down. Unless you have the right people skills, you run the risk of a failed business.

So, what can be done? Take another look at the picture. What do you think? How convinced are you as an entrepreneur that you must have love and wisdom to be successful ?

Entrepreneurs: It’s all about persuasion too

It’s a no-brainer – successful entrepreneurs are good at Persuasion. Your customers have to believe in you, and believe in your products. You can’t persuade anybody if you can’t get on with people. So, how does the entrepreneur do that?

Entrepreneurs: friendly people of love and wisdom

I believe it’s all down to love and wisdom. Love?  Simply being a genuine, kind, thoughtful, caring person. Above all, treating everyone with respect and courtesy. And wisdom? Wisdom is just love in action. A really loving person will usually know the best thing to do. Why?

Because they really care, they make friends easily. That’s why successful entrepreneurs listen to others and learn, work closely with others, and find the best way forward. A friendly approach builds great teams, and customers come back for more.

This friendly attitude is a must when dealing with aggressive and difficult people. Instead of driving them away and losing business, you win them over. It becomes a win-win deal, good for you and good for the customer.

Entrepreneurs: Win friends and build influence

Why not read Dale Carnegie’s brilliant work “How to win friends and influence people.” An old book, yes. But no way is it out of date. Why? Because Dale worked out all the best ways to get on with people. He spent his life teaching people these simple lessons in human psychology. He became a giant in his time. That’s why people still read his books a hundred years later.

His book is all about respect, listening, genuine interest in others, entering into their world, and building solid, friendly and lasting relationships. Entrepreneurs who do that will have customers eating out of their hand.

Dale Carnegie explained that only a honest person of integrity and genuine love for other people succeeds. He believed that people, chiefly motivated by self-interest, would never build such creative relationships. They would fail.

Og Mandino: love in the heart

An entrepreneur needs this friendly approach for all their contacts. Og Mandino, in his excellent book, “The greatest salesman in the world” teaches entrepreneurs that they must approach others with this little mantra: “I greet this day with love in my heart.” That secret powerful heartfelt love will reach everyone they meet. It will transform their success rate.

Here we’re not talking about romantic, emotional love. What’s essential is a genuine human concern for the other person’s welfare. If we have such love, then we can persuade because we listen.

My Wife, a born entrepreneur

My wife is a good example of what Og Mandino says. Her deepest convictions drive her to help others. Even at the age of 17 she was very successful at door-to-door selling. But that’s not all; throughout her adult working life she has successfully dealt with difficult and challenging people, and in various situations, both in the workplace, and as a volunteer with different Charities.

She could get through to people, communicate with them. Whatever their challenge, she helped them move forward in a new and positive way. Her very first instinct was simply to listen to them. So often such people are angry and even violent. Why? Because nobody ever cared enough about them to really listen to their story.

She opened up to them; she didn’t judge them. She just talked with them. They liked her, opened up, and were able to receive help to move on.

Entrepreneurs: your final tip

• A friendly approach always persuades, and breeds success.

John Gerry McCann – The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk

After all, what’s life all about, if not love and happiness?

Many of us are not always as happy as we should be. Why is that?

Well, maybe it’s because we are searching for happiness in the wrong places. Maybe we have gone down the wrong track. We often travel through life as passengers, but are we on the right track?

Life offers us many different paths. Sometimes it’s difficult to choose which way to go. That’s what’s so exciting about it; it’s often a great adventure. However, sometimes we just drift into things, and stay for the ride.

If you’re enjoying it, and find you have found your passion on the way, you feel fulfilled – living a rewarding and happy life. That’s wonderful. If, on the other hand, you’re just treading water, feeling as if life is passing you by, then you need to stop and think.

Are you on a journey of fulfillment? Are you happy with how things are going in your life?

If you are, I congratulate you; you have achieved true success. You are on the right path, you have found your true destiny, and are thoroughly enjoying your journey. You are one of the lucky few who have followed your true path.

However, if you’re unsatisfied with where you’re at: wanting more from life, knowing it’s out there, but not knowing how to get there . . . then read on.

Do you want more from life; you want to change the world, make a difference, make your mark. Does that sound like you? The big problem is that although we have been taught, at school or college, about the basic skills we may need for work, they left out the main deal.

The most important one, in my opinion. It’s about who we are as individuals, and who and what we could be, if we knew how.

What is your dream, your ambition? Is it having lots of money?

Yes, we can all say I want to be rich, or famous, or have lots of power. Do we think that, if we get those things, then we will be truly happy and fulfilled? Once we’re rich, famous or powerful will we have finally reached our full potential? Or discovered our true mission in life?

Think so? Just read the papers, look at the news and gossip columns; they’re filled mostly with famous people, rich people, politicians, all types of power brokers. How many of them are in the news for all the wrong reasons?

Do they seem happy to you, do they look like they’re truly fulfilled, living a life of contentment in all areas of life? How many of them have happy marriages, relationships, or feel great about themselves?

We’re always seeing stories or interviews about how so many of them are unhappy. Searching for happiness and fulfilment, while in reality they very often feel pain, rejection, depression, lack of self-belief or even despair – despite all their fame and money.

Of course, having money, fame or power doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. It just means that searching for happiness or fulfillment, through gaining those things alone, is a fool’s errand.  Most of us in the western world have been told by our parents, teachers, and society in general, that we need to get a good job, to support ourselves and our family.

That’s all well and good; after all, you need money to live. But success has been seen in terms of fame, money and power. The need to be successful and happy has been equated with these things to such an extent that we, you and I, have been sold a dream that many of us have gone along with.

Is your search for happiness getting the right results?

Research over the last 50 years in the western world has shown that, although we have increased in wealth and prosperity, this does not guarantee our happiness (see Richard O’Connor’s book “Happiness”). In fact scientists have found that, over the years, studies show that people are less happy every year, even though many of us are far better off than our ancestors. Why is that?

Well, some of the by-products of searching for the dream of riches and success may actually be the cause of much of our stress, depression, drugs, drink, obesity, anxiety and low self-esteem.

Not being rich or successful can make people feel like losers. How often have you heard people say “I’ve lost everything, I’ll always be a nobody, I’m a failure” –  just because they have lost their job, or not made it to no. 1, or been given the promotion they expected to get? Does our inner happiness depend totally on undependable external factors?

Even if we do make money, it never seems enough; or, if we get that important job, the dream just doesn’t live up to the promise of the happiness we thought it would bring. For example: overwork, and spending less time with family and friends. Not looking after our health. Not feeling fulfilled when we do finally reach your goals.

We often stay in jobs we hate, because we need the money for the lifestyle we think we need, to be seen as a success. Constantly having to keep up with the image of being successful by having a bigger house, the latest phone, the fastest car.

Even worse is the insatiable appetite to be young, skinny and beautiful. The image that is portrayed in the media as being the ideal, the way to be happy. They tell us that if we keep young, slim, physically attractive, then we will be happier.

Many men, women, boys and girls out there believe in this fairy story. They are driven to try and find happiness in the pursuit of external trappings, material wealth, unhealthy diets and cosmetic surgery, in the unrealistic search for that perfect young body. No wonder so many people turn to drugs, drink, food, shopping, gambling, etc: using other ways to find happiness.

We all need to stop searching for the illusive rainbow, the pot of gold that we’ve bought into; true happiness won’t be found there. When the dream is an illusion, it will always let us down.

Many give up, give in, or stop searching – while most of us just keep on going stoically, day after day, trudging on in the same old way. Not taking any action, but knowing there is more to life than this.

So what’s to be done? Where are you on your journey to happiness?

Well, wherever you are on your own journey, stop and look at where you are right now. Ask yourself these questions:

• Am I happy on this track?
• Am I happy doing what I’m doing everyday?
• Do I spend enough time with my family and friends?
• Do I enjoy my work?
• Do I feel fulfilled?
• Do I look after my health?
• Am I using my gifts to help others, in a way that makes me feel good?
• Have I found the right partner?
• Am I happy with my lot in life?
• Could I do much better?
• Could I learn new skills and develop my talents?
• Do I add value to others?
• Do I really know what I want?
• Am I the person I want to be?
• What would I really like to do in life, if money didn’t matter?
• What do I really care about?
• Who do I want to be?
• Could I take time out each day to reflect on who I want to be?

Ask yourself these questions every day, until you start finding out the answers. Then write them down. Spend serious time each day, thinking about who you are and what you want to be. Success is measured by how we live our lives, and how that makes us feel. Happiness is an internal journey. One that will take us on our true path to happiness. Because the fact is we can only control our own feelings; we cannot control our external world, outside events.

We can learn to be happy, we can find the right road to follow to be happy and fulfilled. It does need work, it often takes time to discover, it will be difficult and challenging at times; but it’s a great adventure. You just have to recognise if you’re on the right track, and if not: stop, and find the right one for you. One that you have full control of, that doesn’t depend on other people’s expectations. Don’t just drift along aimlessly, on a ready-made path that you’re not happy with. We can all change our direction, we just need to discover which one is right for us.

We only get one chance in this life; so make sure you’re on the right journey for you, one that will bring you true happiness.

Let me know where you are on your journey.

I’d love to hear how you discovered the right road for you.

Susan J McCann

@susanjmccann

“You are not a robot; neither are you merely an animal; you have a greatness that is infinitely more. For you are a free human being, the very peak of life on earth.” (The Merry Monk)

Slave, or Free?

I am not a slave. Neither are you. We are free. So, rejoice! Claim and live your freedom to the limit. We’d hate to make someone else our slave. So let’s make sure we don’t impose slavery on ourselves! 

But how can we impose slavery on ourselves? Because we can submit to other people’s agenda. Just think of all the people in your life. Picture the way they often exert moral pressure on you in so many subtle ways to do what they want. Of course we need to be wise and completely loving to our nearest and dearest. But first of all we need to be ourselves, and act as responsible adults, in control of our own destiny.

However, other people are often not the problem. Even more sad are the countless ways the problem of surrendering to slavery lies deep within ourselves. We self-sabotage, giving in and capitulating to all kinds of negativity, doubts, fears, and above the massive conditioning we’ve taken on board from others. What others? All the people in our life as we grew up.

Even more insidious is the hidden conditioning through the prevailing principles, beliefs and values of the culture we are brought up in. Think for a moment of such major things such as politics, religion, education, race, immigration, life-style . . . the list is endless. Unthinkingly, we can identify completely with the society we live in, absorbing its basic way of life as normal and beyond question.

There is a better way: choose personal freedom

Slavery’s not good. . So let’s abolish any slavery in our life – wherever we find it. If freedom is worth dying for then, even more so, it’s worth living for.

Why is it worth living for? Because we are free, we have the power within us to control our life, set our own goals, decide our own path to achieve our goals, and become awesome and excellent in all we are and all we do. Freedom is our greatest gift, enabling us to take responsibility and change absolutely anything in our life that we choose.

Positive life-style change really is possible for you, me, and all of us. How do we know that such change is not simply wishful thinking? It’s our freedom that makes controlled, creative and responsible life-change possible.

Create you own future

Your future is not fixed, it is totally open to your own free choices. Nothing’s written in stone. You always get to decide; you’re a creator. You can fashion a new life for yourself by your free decisions. But what decisions? How do we know which way to go? What does the ideal life look like for me?

One of the best strategies I know, to find out where we should we should be going, is to question!  Question deeply. Question persistently. Question everything. What questions? Look inside your own heart and mind. Discover what you currently believe and accept about some of the major things in life, things you’ve perhaps never questioned before.

Be brave. Take courage

Ask yourself challenging questions such as:

Do I really believe that? Is that true?

Why do I accept that?

Is there another way?

What do I really want in life?

What am I passionate about?

What do I really care about? 

In this way you’ll get a deeper insight into your own deepest principles, beliefs and values. Then you are free to start making any changes you find desirable.

Let’s take our freedom for granted no longer. Our freedom is our most precious possession. It’s an essential part of happiness, and that’s something we all want, we all need, and we all deserve. Remember what we said above: the future’s open. You get to choose. No-one’s pulling the strings.

Let’s always pursue happiness in freedom of mind, body and spirit! 

Gerry McCann  – The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk

How to face tough challenges

Business is tough, and not suitable for the faint-hearted. A strong character is crucial. The entrepreneur often finds him/herself working morning, noon and night, and even seven days a week. So many different things to do. In place of a regular salary you find yourself cast adrift into an uncertain financial future.

No money comes in unless you make it happen yourself, constantly, day after day. Excuses don’t change the harsh financial facts of life: it’s all down to you! Your responsibility, for that’s where the buck stops. Blaming others won’t change things.

What customers really want

Finding and keeping customers is a great challenge. They owe you nothing; it’s a harsh fact of business life. They simply want the best deal, and will go elsewhere to a competitor to find it. With many such challenges it’s easy to understand that as an entrepreneur you need a profound strength of character. This means that an honest self-assessment of personal strengths and weaknesses must be made before attempting the impossible demands of an enterprise you’re unsuited for.

Strong character: entrepreneur’s best asset

An entrepreneur must have a strong character, otherwise he/she will very quickly fold under the pressure. Why? In the fiercely competitive business world, it often seems like “dog eat dog” and “survival of the fittest”. Being an entrepreneur means leaving behind the relative safety of a 9-5 job, with a regular salary guaranteed.

Character refers to that inner strength of mind and spirit that is capable of  overcoming the inevitable set-backs, disappointments and even betrayals inherent in launching any new venture. The only way to become strong is to face such challenges with a determination, love and wisdom, in the belief that you’ll find a way to go forward.

Believe in the struggle which, ultimately, is all about love and making a positive difference not only to your family, but also to the wider world. Genuine love for your loved-ones will perhaps be the greatest motivation to find your inner strength of character. Their need of you will galvanize your energy and strength of character.

Dig deep entrepreneur: uncover your inner strength

Think of the countless successful things you’ve learnt and mastered since you were a child! The great things you have already accomplished will help convince you that you are stronger than you think. Stubbornly refuse to surrender until you’ve given it everything.

Dig deep; we all have massive strength inside. That strength is obvious when a loved-one needs us in a desperate situation; we become instant heroes. Love is the bedrock of your strength and your character. We can call up those reserves of strength any time we want. As an entrepreneur, never let craven self-doubt beat you.

However even the greatest inner strength is not enough. We always need the help of a team.

Teamwork is essential

No entrepreneur succeeds on their own; teamwork and the help of others is essential. Humbly accept others’ knowledge, expertise and experience. No need to re-invent everything! No matter how gifted you are, you simply don’t have the time to be a one-man band; you’ll soon burn out and give up. Know your limits, work within your strength, and enjoy the thrill of the game.

For life itself is a game, and soon over. Then, I believe, the best is still to come. So be at peace aware of the bigger picture. Find your passion and destiny . . . and enjoy!

Gerry McCann  – The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk