Marathons are an excellent metaphor for the awesome power of the “little and often” success strategy. 

Why do we hate mosquitos? Because they can bite us “little and often”. In hot countries people have to sleep with mosquito nets. Just imagine the pain of waking up covered in mosquito bites!

The power of little and often is focus. It’s the same thing, little and often, that has the power. Yes, the power to make an impact, however you understand “impact.”

There’s nothing worse than having great energy, but splitting it up again and again. A whole rake of mediocre little things. Bit of this, bit if that, bit of the other. No focus. No perseverance. No personal growth. No success. No impact.

I love studying foreign languages. The problem is my lack of focus. Bit of Spanish, bit of Italian, bit of German, touch of French, a hint of Latin . . . even more! You get the picture.

Then when I’m confronted with having to speak that language with a foreigner, I mutter something like, “yes, well, I studied a few words, but I can’t really speak it.”

By the way, the oppositie extreme is also to be avoided. Not satisfied with knowing a basic 5,000 words, you are driven to learn a further 5,000 words.

Waste of precious time! 

You’ll never use more than a few percent of the second 5,000 words. Maybe nice for the ego, but of little practical use. It is, of course, the old “diminishing returns” nightmare. Massive investment, near zero returns!

Five thousand words in Spanish and 5,000 words in German would be much more useful than 10,000 words in Spanish.

Where do you fit in? You may even be “small” but you can make an impact, by having a clear focus, and then keeping at it. Personal growth guaranteed!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you make an impact? Like to share a thought? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

The result? Invariably the same. They forgot most of what they had learned. Five steps forward, four steps back. Progress was minimal, many got fed up and left the class. Very few persevered to the end.

However, there was a tiny minority that did study between the weekly classes. For them it was five steps forward, and then another three steps forward.

Do the Math.

Those who studied once a week made five steps forward minus four steps backwards. Equals one step forward. 

Those who studied in between classes made five steps forward plus another three steps forward. Equals eight steps forward!

That’s the awesome power of dedicated practice. These students were already winning eight to one after only one week.

I’m reminded of a famous quote I heard years ago. It went something like this: 

“If you study something for just 15 minutes every single day, in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert.”

So easy to give up, isn’t it? 

“Can’t be bothered”  

“I’ve got bored with it.”

“I’ve found something much more interesting.”

On and on, the lame excuses. We’ve all learned about the power of perseverance. We just need to ask ourselves why we fail to persevere.

It’s easy to make excuses. Blot out our conscience. Pretend it doesn’t really matter. That’s fine, if you want to stay the same, and never make much progress. Give up when so much more is possible.

How lazy are you? What are your excuses? Maybe you just need a little more humility to fess up, get over it, and then move on to achieve some of your goals.

No need to kill yourself trying. Just persevere. Little and often. Baby steps. Bit by bit. Say it any way you like, it’s the same strategy: “inch by inch it’s a cinch.”

I am reminded of the story character, who claimed he could jump to the top of a castle. Everyone thought he was crazy.

But he told them,

“It’s so easy. Find the steps, and then jump up them, one step at a time.”

You don’t have to do it all in one giant jump! 

As Ann Voskamp’s quote reminds us, practice makes perfect. It can even bring about something huge in the long run: transformation.

So, ask yourself: what are my goals? How much do I want them? 

Then take action. How? No problem; you already know perfectly well what to do.

Perhaps you will actually do it this time! I really hope so.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you procrastinate? Has it cost you? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

“If only this happened more often,” you felt, “life could be awesome.”

We can believe it’s completely out of our control.

“Luck’s just luck! I can’t command luck to happen.”

Well, may be you can. That’s what the quote suggests. Luck can happen when things change.

How come “change” can work this magic? Simply because change introduces something new into your life.

It’s exactly the same as going above and beyond our comfort zones. We open up a whole new range of possibilities, both good as well as challenging.

“So, how can I use change to find my new wings?”

The answer is that we can deliberately control the change. We have free will, the power of decision, and a mind and heart to think and feel what new experience we want. As we create a whole new environment in our life, surprises are bound to happen.

“But I only want good surprises! How can I make that happen?”

Here’s how. The more we make honest, altruistic, loving, caring and compassionate changes, the more we ourselves will create a new social environment in our life. In that new environment, many beautiful things will happen.

How do we know? Life often tends to be wiser than we think. Life gives us back what we offer. One thinks of many other very well-known sayings that make the same point:

“You reap what you sow”

“The harder I work, the luckier I get.”

“We all create our own luck.”

“Kindness is the hardest thing in the world to give away. It’s always returned.”

Everything we’ve read about our attitudes, “negativity” and “positivity, makes the same point.

New wings are out there, waiting for every one of us. You even know what to do. Be really positive.

Why not just go for it?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Have you been lucky? What part did you play? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Everybody realises that you can’t expect things to fall into your lap, even if you haven’t done any preparation. Just senseless, wishful thinking. Even “asking the Universe” doesn’t work unless you put in the work. Very few free lunches.

For example. There’s a career you have set your heart on. Better realise, right from the start, that there will be some obstacles on the way. The greatest obstacle will be your own lack of preparation.

You need to study everything that’s involved in that career. Then take all the necessary steps to get there.

“What if I’ve tried and failed?”

Easy. Analyse exactly what you did. Positives and Negatives. Then try again, changing those things you’ve just learned: more of the positives and less of the negatives.

“How many times do I keep trying?”

How much do you want it? So many people give up too soon: maybe just a few yards from the finishing line. As Napoleon Hill would say: you must have a burning desire.

There are so many different levels of commitment. The more committed you are, the better your chance.

“I’ve tried everything, and still not succeeded!”

Keep on trying. You’ll find you haven’t really exhausted all the possibilities. There are so many stories of great inventors who pushed their staff to the limit.

“Look, boss. We’ve tried everything. It’s not going to work. What shall we do?”

The boss pauses, smiles, thanks them profusely, and then adds:

“I still want this, and I’m going to have it. It is possible. Keep trying. Back to the drawing board. Check it all out again. You’ll eventually come up with the answer.”

And they did what he suggested . . . and the rest is history.

In your life, you may not have to go to such extremes. Just believe there’s nearly always more you can do. If you really do want it enough, then it’s amazing all the new ideas, strategies and approaches that surface.

So, what’s behind it all? What drives this positive preparation? Determination, motivation, razor sharp focus, the desire that won’t go away.

The answer is always the same: that burning desire. Want it enough, you’ll prepare enough, and you’ll succeed. However, if after all that, it doesn’t happen, then what?

Well, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. So, try something else. At least you’ll be happy and content, knowing that you gave it your best shot.

That’s all any of us can do. But don’t give up; eventually you’ll get there. Abraham Lincoln said it, and demonstrated it many times in his own life:

One day your chance will come!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

How has preparation helped you? What’s your experience? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

“Yes, well, they’re just being nice . . . but they don’t really mean it. Maybe they just want something. What are they after?” 

Fake niceness! Maybe that says a lot about our society. 

It’s possible to give a little in order to get what we want. People who deliberately manipulate others know this. They pretend friendship, kindness, giving . . . only in the hope of getting back what they want. They don’t really care about the other person. They’re using them for their own ends.

There is a better way. I believe we’re here on this planet to love, give, and contribute unselfishly. To make the world a better place: by helping others, sowing seeds of kindness, love and generosity. If your heart’s in the right place, others will be moved to grow in love as well.

As Dyer suggests: move on, change the way we look at people: they’re valued, fellow human beings. Think of the other person and their needs. The best way to change others is to change the way we treat them. As Gandhi famously said: “be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

The ideal is to be nice to someone, just because you want them to feel good. There’s no hidden agenda. You’ve moved on from total absorption in yourself. You’re not thinking about yourself. You want to give, give, give. You’re invited to live your highest and best self. It’s all about your values, your love, your personal commitment to “do the right thing.”

A loving world is a happy world. Senseless wars and violence could vanish, if only we embraced loving others, really caring about them as friends.

Dyer reminds us that it’s by changing and improving the way we treat other people, that they will automatically be changed for the better. You will have experienced this yourself. If someone does you a favour, your immediate response is, “That’s really nice of them.” You think better of them, and are far more likely to be loving to them in return.

The classical saying, “It is in giving that we receive” sums it up. Most people are not made of stone. They tend to respond in kind. Far better then to treat them well, positively, altruistically. They will be moved, perhaps even in spite of themselves, to respond in kind. 

If you change the way you look at people, they will also change. In a word: 

“We reap what we sow.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

How altruistic are you? What’s your experience? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Good positive relationships are an essential element in building trust between the business and their customers.  As Rubin says: “Trust is priceless.” 

Trust is needed, because so many successful businesses completely depend on repeat customers. If customers have any doubts about trusting a company, then they will fly into the arms of a better competitor. “Once bitten, twice shy.”

We live in a very competitive world, and often find ourselves in a “win or lose” situation. We will always enjoy less success than is possible if we alienate our customers. Building trust and rapport spells success.

Rubin compares this good relationship approach to a more traditional dog-eat-dog, competitive world of business. He highlights two such approaches: indifference and hostility. 

He suggests indifference is expensive, because if we display a cold, self-seeking approach to potential customers, then we won’t be  successful. If the customer gets the impression that you don’t really care about him and his needs, then you’ve lost him. It will cost you a lot in lost revenue. As Dale Carnegie insisted, you cannot “win friends and influence people” unless you genuinely focus on their interests.

Hostility, of course, is even worse. Why would anyone want to do business with someone attacking him? As Rubin says, it’s “unaffordable.”  Even when we know this, if we haven’t learned self-discipline and patience, then our anger and hostility will force the failure. Self-control is an essential, non-negotiable element in any mature adult.

Perhaps we need to delve a little deeper into the human heart. Good relationships cannot be built on a trust that is fake. People can sniff it out when they are being lied to. Pretend care and concern for the customer will surface. If you are not really a loving person, then people will know.

To build good relationships, you must be genuine. There is nothing worse that finding out that someone you trusted has been a false friend. This is true in life, and is true in business relationships. Your customer is your bread and butter. So respect them. Honour them with a relationship of trust and co-operation. 

Never forget” “Trust is priceless. It’s all about relationships.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

A person of unconditional love is a rare species. They stand head and shoulders above the rest of us. One thinks of Jane Bennet in “Pride and Prejudice” – so loving that she thought the best of everyone. She had a heart filled with love and concern for others, whatever their faults and failings. 

Most of us, unfortunately, find it hard to follow such a towering example. Our spiritual growth is stunted. The problem is our selfishness: ME first. Our automatic pilot forever whispers in our ear: 

“What’s in it for me?”

We are all so wrapped up in ourselves, most of the time, that we live by self-interest. We spend all day with our mind filled with what we want. It’s like background music; not necessarily the main focus, but relentlessly present.

It’s so difficult to forget our self-interest, and to focus all our heart and soul on another person, and how we can help them. Life runs on our relationships. They are key to our personal growth. Life’s all about love, kindness, compassion for others.

Perhaps the fundamental religious attitude of “love your neighbour as yourself” helps us to put things in perspective.

We all automatically love, and take care of ourselves — unless of course we’re suffering from a self-hating psychological illness. We should feel that loving drive about caring for others.

The famous “Golden Rule” teaches the same lesson: you yourself are the criterion for how you should treat others. Would you do that to yourself? Would you like others to do that to you? No? Well, then, you don’t do it to anyone else. What good things would you like? Then help your neighbour to have them as well. Again, life’s about love.

For example: people who’ve experienced “near-death experiences” (and there are thousands of well documented cases) all speak of their experience of overwhelming love “on the other side.” It convinces them that love’s where it’s at.

The paradox of love is simply this: the more we give to others, unselfishly, the more we get back. I am reminded of that other well-known little saying:

“Kindness if hardest thing in the world to give away, because it’s always returned.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true: the more selfish we are, the less we receive. People are put off by selfish people, those who are just out for themselves. 

Sadly, selfish people often end up lonely. Why not give real love a chance? No regrets later on.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Any thoughts on love and selfishness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It could really help others.

Think of the last time you were really angry. Pause for a moment. Think about it. Picture it again in your mind’s eye. How did you feel? Were you happy, or upset? I think anger and being upset always go together. When we’re upset, we’re not really happy.

If anger is going to take away our happiness, then how do we stop being angry? Think of the sort of things that make you angry. It’s usually other people, saying things we don’t like. They may call us names, insult us, disagree with us, ignore us, or in some way hurt us. Be horrible, and cause us pain. Very often our default response is anger at that person.

If we do get angry at people deliberately hurting us, how could we react in a more positive way? That would be a difficult challenge, but well worth it. So, what to do? How could we keep our peace of mind, and refuse to allow their actions to dictate how we feel?

Maybe that was what Jesus was talking about when He advised “turning the other cheek.” What that means is that we don’t retaliate: not in words, nor in actions. We don’t hit them back, we don’t return insult for insult, we don’t “give as good as we get.” In a word, we refuse to allow their negative behaviour to bring us down to their level.

We kill the “downward spiral of violence” before it even starts.

The amazing thing is that if we refuse to return evil for evil, but instead return good for evil, then two great things happen. First of all, we keep our own peace of mind and happiness. Secondly, very often the other person starts to feel bad about their behaviour, and often comes to a better frame of mind.

Yes, why not return good for evil? Brilliant idea! Why allow a moment’s negativity to destroy our positive relationship for hours, perhaps even days and weeks. That’s plain crazy. Think about it.

We’ve all heard true stories of friends who fell out over some negative behaviour, and became bitter enemies for the rest of their lives. Why would we take on board such insane behaviour? Think of all the beautiful things that could have happened if they had just let go of the anger.

They could have said “O.K. we’ve got angry at each other. Where do we go from here? Nurse the pain for the next few decades? Never speak to each other again. Or just let go, make up, and move on?”

Pride, of course, is the problem. Our injured pride is always into the blame game. “It’s his fault. He did this, that or the other. Why should I make up first?”

The other party, without a doubt, thinks exactly the same. “Well, it’s certainly not MY fault, etc etc etc.”

How silly, stupid and childish it is. And it doesn’t go away. It’s always a thorn in your side, a pain that’s ever in your mind and heart. 

Is that really the way you want to live? Maybe it’s even worse. What if it applies to many other people you’ve fallen out with? Where will it end? We know there’s a better way.

Why not just wake up, let go of your precious pride, make up, maybe have a drink, and be happy? The ultimate WIN-WIN!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your experience of overcoming anger? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Much better a saintly uneducated person than a person with multiple degrees and a selfish heart.

Of course, what Aristotle is suggesting is that we do both. Perhaps he says this because so often education focusses almost exclusively on knowledge, or very little on life wisdom.

So the question arises: how to we also educate the heart? What is it anyway? 

Education of the heart seems to mean helping us to love and serve the right things. These right things above all include how we treat other people. Aristotle knows that the most important thing we can do in life is learn how to get on with people. As Dale Carnegie said so many years ago: it’s all about “how to win friends and influence people.”

The most important dimension of our life simply has to be human relationships. All the education in the world will seem meaningless if we live a lonely, isolated life, devoid of nourishing human company and fellowship.

Perhaps we need great teachers of human relationships as well as schools and universities. I’m sure that’s the role traditionally occupied by parents for their children, and religion for everybody. Unfortunatelt religion has, by and large, let us down, massively. 

We have witnessed so many religious leaders in recent years who have torn our hearts apart with their infamous behaviour, rather than inspire us to higher spiritual values. I personally feel this deeply, as I am a retired clergyman. We all demand, and quite rightly, that the beautiful heart values taught from the pulpit, should be reflected in the ongoing behaviour of the preacher himself.

If religion is not doing its job, then who do we turn to for “heart education”? Perhaps that where the huge “personal growth/self-help” market comes in to play. All this popular psychology attempts to teach some values, as well as material success strategies. Indeed such literature often insists that material success is impossible without heart values.

As the quote reminds us, the human race has always realised that authentic education has to speak to the whole person, mind, heart and soul. Ancient religions, ancient philosophers, ancient gurus knew this only too well. Aristotle of course is a classic example, as we see in this quote.

I’m afraid that the evidence we have here in the Western world suggests that we have tipped the balance far too much in the direction of mind, very often at the expense of heart. Yes, both knowledge and heart are great human dimensions to develop.

If one had to choose between them, then perhaps we should choose heart rather than mind.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your feeling about education? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Why is happiness so difficult to pin down?  Let’s see what our quote suggests:

It states: happiness is not in external things (circumstances), but rather is a quality within the human being. Happiness flows from within us, not from things out there. 

Some people still think money can buy happiness. Money buys things, stuff, physical objects, experiences. They can give pleasure. The problem: it’s often superficial. It doesn’t last. Deep down in the heart and soul there is still a longing for something real and lasting. 

Here’s one reason why.

The person with all these new “toys”, these new “circumstances”, is still exactly the same person as before. If I am an angry, grumpy, selfish person, then a bigger house won’t suddenly make me peaceful, joyful and altruistic.

Perhaps that’s why we have life coaches, gurus, religious ministers. They focus on “personal growth.” Feeling happy starts with our self-belief. Are we comfortable in our own skin? What kind of a person am I?

Happiness flows from an internal integrity, a wholeness of spirit. Integrity simply means that we live by beliefs and values that are loving and truthful.

The quote is exact: happiness isn’t something we see. Happiness is something we are. It’s a quality of mind, heart and soul. Love is the key here. “It is in giving that we receive.” 

When we give love, and help others in their needs, then we feel happy inside. I don’t mean that arrogant feeling of “look at me, what a great person I am.” Such arrogance only comes from an immature, selfish person, shallow and unloving. 

Genuine giving is loving, peaceful, humble and happy. Yes, J.B.Sheerin’s quote has it exactly right:

Happiness is not from what we HAVE, nor from things that we SEE, but rather is in what we ARE

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Where are you at in the issue of happiness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Here’s what I believe. You’re a good person, worthy of love and respect. You deserve it. You’re a child of God. You’re beautiful in mind, body and spirit. So, let me repeat: learn to believe in yourself; learn to love yourself; and learn to trust yourself. 

But why do we even need to say this at all? Negative conditioning, ever since the day you were born!

Parents, teachers, siblings, authority figures of every kind. They feel obliged to point out the child’s weaknesses, failures, and even naughtyness. The child confuses its bad behaviour with being a bad person. 

The truth? Bad behaviour, yes; but good person – always. A religious saying I like is this: “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” That clear distinction throws light on the whole issue. The person may behave badly from time to time; that doesn’t destroy their essential goodness.

Perhaps that’s why Dr Spock, in this quote, tries to encourage people to trust themselves.

It’s as if he’s saying to them: 

“Look, don’t believe all that negative stuff you’ve heard about yourself. 

You’re not stupid. 

You’re an intelligent, good person, and you know far more than other people think. 

You don’t think you know very much, because you feel no-one ever listened to you, 

and that made you believe you’d nothing to say.”

Maybe you’re still carrying that early burden, deep in your mind: “I’m nobody really. Why should anyone listen to me? I’ve nothing much to offer.”

It’s just a horrible lie! And, deep down, even you know it’s just a lie. Reject this lie, and live your own truth. Trust your own mind. Trust your own heart. Trust your own spirit. God doesn’t make any rubbish, and you’re certainly not rubbish.

Look at the evidence. You haven’t gone through life without learning massively about all kinds of things. Not just information, but beliefs and values and social skills. 

You are far more than you give yourself credit for. Stop putting yourself down. Stop thinking you’re a stupid little nobody.

You were born to shine. You have much to offer. Many people out there need the help that only you can provide. As Dr Benjamin insists:

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How much do you trust yourself? Any issues? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

Often things work out very differently from what we had planned. The reason is clear. Life is unpredictable, and full of surprises. That’s why we can never guarantee success. So much is beyond our control. 

The result is a mixture of success and failure. We may not get everything we wanted. But not to worry! As Winston reminds us: success is not final, failure is not fatal.” Life goes on, we mature even more, and new horizons await.

The strange thing about success and failure is that they change as we grow old. It really is quite amazing how much our beliefs, values, goals, dreams and interests, evolve over a lifetime. As they change, so does our idea of success and failure.

I’ve certainly experienced that process. What I wanted at 20, then at 40, and again at 60 years of age were very different. Now that I’m over 80, I find things are still evolving. Success and failure, in terms of material prosperity, have very little to do with what life’s all about. 

We all have our own take on the “meaning of life.” However, I think we can all agree that basic human values should figure greatly. Values such as love, service, kindness, compassion, laughter, and song. 

As so many “successful” people have discovered, “money can’t buy happiness.” Life should be more about living our values as members of the one human family. That includes:

• how we relate with one another, 
• how united we are with our fellow human beings, 
• how we try to help one another. 

These values bring deep satisfaction, peace and joy. Of course, we all need money; just let’s not make a god of it. On the other hand life is often challenging, as we face life’s ups and downs.

As Winston says, we need courage to continue. Courage to seek and discover our best self, and then define and live success in those terms. I believe that “mid-life crises” are nothing more than a warning: things are about to change. Material values become less important, and authentic spiritual values start to come to the fore.

Winston is right: it takes great courage to continue. It’s not easy to wake up, aged 45, and ask “who am I?” Welcome to the midlife, internal voyage of self-discovery! What we will find out, hopefully, is that “becoming a better person” is not simply an empty slogan. It is the only route to a deep and lasting peace of mind and happiness.

It’s awesome to replace a certain young-age selfishness with a mature love of other people. It’s good to ponder these issues, and come to a new personal understanding of “success” and “failure.”

Why not ask yourself what success, failure and courage to continue mean for you?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your own experience of success and failure? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

We wouldn’t even think we were doing anything wrong. Thoughts of revenge, getting our own back, would fill our mind. Our mind would shout to us: “He deserves to be told off. He’s being horrible, and needs to be challenged.”

Most of us are brought up in a culture of self-defence. That’s why we spend trillions on weapons of self-defence as a nation. As kids, we taught to “stand up to the bullies.” We’re taught to be strong and decisive when facing unjustified negativity from anyone else. Many States justify carrying weapons of self-defence.

We are told that hatred is evil, and we must stand up to it wherever and whenever we encounter it. But there just maybe a better way: return love for hatred!

Many religions teach this. In our quote this week, we have Buddha’s take on the issue. A Christian need think no further than the words of Jesus, spoken as He hung on the cross, dying in excruciating agony.

He said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Perhaps most of us are at a low level of human growth and development: still novices in the great game of life, death and eternity. Every single religion on the planet, every decent atheist, agree that Love is the greatest of human values.

There is no greater height to which love can soar, than to love and forgive enemies. Perhaps only a tiny percentage have achieved these heights of love. Such a person genuinely loves the enemy, the person who hates them.

They want to help them move onwards and upwards from hatred. They know that only by returning love for hatred can they begin to chip away at their armour of hatred and rejection.

Human history is filled with people of such great love. Most of us struggle along the lowlands of life, unable to reach the dizzy heights of the rugged mountain path of awesome love.

Maybe we can begin this love journey anew. Try every possible strategy we know, to move on: from revenge and hatred, to love and forgiveness.

Where are you on this love journey? Where do you want to be? What’s your take on this issue?

Do you agree with the Buddha that love is “the eternal rule”?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How has life challenged you in love/hate? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

How many steps in a marathon?

According to Runners World magazine, it would take approximately 33,000 steps. Obviously no two people would take exactly the same. The power of small steps: that’s the message. That’s also the lesson of our quote this week.

This quote is not new to our ears; we’ve probably heard something like it many times over. In other words, it’s truly amazing how much we can achieve, by taking many small steps. Small steps often seem pointless, but if they are done relentlessly, day after day, year after year, then the result really can be “mountaneous.”

Another similar quote I’ve always liked, goes something like this: study anything for 15 minutes a day, and in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert. That makes 1,825 consecutive little study sessions! No wonder you’re already an expert!

When can you be relentless?

The key to success, then, is in that little word “relentless.” Not many people are relentless. Here’s why. We always discover a thousand compelling reasons why it’s not worth carrying on. Very often those reasons are nothing more than lame excuses. Truth is we get fed up, bored, interested in something else, the shine wears off, and then that terrible thing happens: we give up.

Of course we justify it to ourself. “I didn’t really give up, there was a good reason why it was no longer a worthwhile goal.” Or, terrified by the enormity of the goal, we decide that it’s impossible: perhaps like “moving the mountain” of our Chinese proverb.

“That’s insane”, we think, “who ever heard of moving a mountain?”

But what’s the result of this negative attitude? Failure, of course!

Goals in the trash?

Our life is littered with goals we have set ourselves, and for some reason they disappeared. I fight this problem every day. So many things to do, so many new goals that attract the attention. They seem much more important than the existing goals. 

There is of course a grain of truth in all of this, but we have to admit we often end up going round and round in circles. We’ll never achieve very much if we continuously stop and start, stop and start, not getting anywhere fast.

As a result we have a multitude of half-finished little projects, sadly resting in some forgotten corner.

Try a little more dogged perseverance

Perhaps not many of us can find that single-mindedness of purpose to achieve great things. However we might find it useful to remember this: a little dogged perseverance will pay rich dividends.

Now take a look at your own present situation. Does any of this resonate with you? Would you like to do something about it? Will you do something about it? 

Or maybe you’re a bit tired of it all. You’ll think up another feeble excuse, sit back and relax. That’s great too. We all need downtime.

But why let downtime be our greatest achievement?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How does the “little steps” strategy work for you? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

What do you think Shaw had in mind in this quote? This question is essential; the quote is so general, it could be understood in many ways. You could change your mind about anything, and everything, in the Universe. The quote’s too general; we need to examine just one kind of change we might need to make.

Let’s focus on stubbornness. Why? Well, many of us have a stubborn streak. I certainly do. Maybe you do, too. What drives a stubborn attitude? I believe it’s pride. I don’t mean the justifiable pride you take in a hard-earned achievement. No, but the pride that is an exaggerated view of one’s own importance. Such people often think they’re better than everyone else!

Above all, pride always wants to be right. Pride hates to make a mistake. Let’s be honest; we hate it even more when others find out we made that mistake. Our pride is hurt. We feel angry and resentful, ready to lash out at the nearest person, especially someone we consider weaker than we are.

How to “lose friends and alienate people”

It’s easy to see why such a proud, stubborn person couldn’t change anything that needed other people’s vote! A proud person has very little influence on others. That proud attitude puts people off. The last thing they want to do is listen to what that proud, stubborn person wants. Such a person is the very last person able to “win friends, and influence people.”

A proud person clings to their own view of things. They have a closed mind. Their pride tells them they’ve nothing to learn from other people. Have you ever noticed something very interesting about such people? Their conversations are completely one-sided: their own side. They want to do all the talking.

You don’t even listen!

The proud person is passionate about telling others what’s right and wrong, true and false. Notice something very telling: proud people never listen. “My way or the highway,” seems to be their operating principle, and mindset. What’s the result of such interaction? They have shut themselves off from learning anything. They only talk about what they already believe.

If anyone else tells them something different, new, challenging, they are already miles away in their own mind. They are already rehearsing and repeating their own view of the matter. They have locked themselves into a mental prison. They cannot get out, and other people can’t get in.

Can you imagine how sad and lonely that must be? How much better it would be if they unlocked their little prison gates, and shut up for once, and just listened. They would learn so much, in so little time. Their world would expand overnight. It would be like walking in a new, exotic wonderland of the mind.

Delight in an open mind

Perhaps we could sum up the general sense of the quote in this way: have an open mind. An open mind enjoys a feast of learning, a feast of relationship with everyone they meet.

A closed mind learns nothing, gives nothing, enjoys nothing. A closed mind desperately needs a loving person to reach out, forgive him, accept him. A closed mind needs an open mind to love him, befriend him, and gradually open up his mind, to a new world of human sharing.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Have you any examples of stubborn people that you’d like to share? Please leave a comment  below.

I’m sure you know lots of talented people. They’re great at some job or skill they have. However, you may not like them at all. Why not? Well, they may be talented, but they’re not very nice people. There are countless talented people out there who have questionable character: “clever devils”. Great talents yes, but lousy character.

Talent and character are very different human qualities. Talent is frequently something we’re born with. Character’s more about our own decisions on what kind of a person we choose to become. What talents do you have? Deep down, what’s your character? Questions well worth asking ourselves.

Even if you develop your talents enormously, that says very little about your character. Character determines whether we use the talents ethically or not. We all have far more abilities and talents than we can possibly develop to the full. Perhaps that’s where character comes into the picture.

Character and the use of talents

Our character determines what we do with those talents. Select and develop them and become one of life’s winners; or become a spoilt genius, wasting our talents. That’s why Jackson Brown Jr, in the quote above, points out that we should praise character more than talents.

Character is about who we are as a person, rather than the things we can do. Character is all about personal integrity: our beliefs, values, passions, desires, dreams, hopes. Do we develop our character, and put our talents to good use: our small contribution to the wider world?

Without developing a strong and loving character, we risk remaining a human lightweight. I suppose one of the worst things you could accuse me of is being shallow. I’d hate it. I’d find it so damning to my personality. It would mean that I’m immature, my life is just superficial stuff on the surface, often trivial nonsense, the mood of the moment. It would mean there’s no depth to me. You wouldn’t ask me any serious question about anything.

I’m sure we’d all prefer to be considered as a person who has something of value to offer. Someone who has some depth of character. That leads to the very important question: how do I develop my character, get some depth to who I am, what I believe, what I think, what I do? Jackson Brown Jr, in this profound quote, suggests four ways to do this: thought, choice, courage and determination.

Character building

Our focus is on these tools suggested to develop character: the best version of yourself. Here are a few things these words say to me.

Our thoughts are the very engine of our life. We become what we think about a lot. Our thoughts take on flesh and become real. So we should think about how to develop our character, how to be the best we can be, how we can help other people, how we can move from self-centred selfishness, and reach out to others.

Secondly, our beliefs and values are a matter of personal choice. We get to choose our character, it’s up to us to decide how we live our life. We don’t simply have to accept the beliefs and values of other people. Our free will enables us to break out of any conditioned beliefs and values that lead to a negative and selfish character.

Developing a good character is often quite a challenge in today’s world. Many people choose lesser values that serve that person’s ego; but this ego doesn’t really care too much about other people. These challenges to be our own person, to be different from some other people is not easy. It requires strength and courage.

Character building is not like some little passing hobby, that we can take up and then abandon at will. Character is profound, essential, who we are. That’s why building and developing our best character is a life-long privilege. We never want to give up, go back to a lesser version of who we are. We must have determination to keep going, and live our lives as best we can. Lives of strong and loving character.

Let’s get to work then with these four strategies: our thoughts, choices, courage and determination.

That way, we’ll make a positive difference, and many people will miss us we we pass on.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

We’ve all heard of the old cliche “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot hurt me.”

The logic of that phrase is so hard to swallow; it leaves us cold. We cry out in pain,

“You’re wrong. So wrong. Words can hurt me very deeply. I’ll remember them for the rest of my life.”

I’m sure most of us would feel that way. So, let’s look at it again. “Words cannot hurt me.” Or can they?

Logically speaking, of course, the saying does make complete sense. Words can’t hurt us. A word is just a word. However logic’s not the whole story. Far from it.

It’s obvious words can’t hurt us physically.  But we can be hurt in other ways too. We can be hurt in our feelings.

There’s a mountain of deep and powerful emotions in every one of us. These emotions react almost on automatic pilot. We feel hurt. We react with anger.

We get upset, even furious. We think only of how we can get our own back. Sweet revenge beckons. Logic goes out the window.

As Carnegie teaches: “Our logic is like a birchbank canoe tossed about on a deep, dark, stormy sea of emotions.”

So, what can we do? If anything! Must we allow our emotions to dictate how we deal with people?

It’s a times like these that we need to remember, “I’m a mature character.”

Mature people have had to learn self-control, self-discipline. Focus on this fact: you’ve got some control over your emotions. You simply need to “bite your tongue, count to ten.”

Pause. Take “a time out”. Pause again. Pause yet again.

Stop blindly reacting. Now, start to think. Let the anger subside. Let your mature self take over.

Why allow some negative comment to dictate your life? After all, it probably took them all of 5 seconds to say it! You really do have the power to get over it. You’re not a kid. You can move on.

• Why allow a passing comment to steal your happiness?
• Why be upset for the rest of the day? The rest of your life? All because of a 5-second comment!
• Why keep playing it over and over in your mind?

Get on with your life, the way you want it to be. It’s your life, to live as you choose.

Your sense of humor might help here.

Learn to laugh at yourself. No-one’s perfect. Let’s be happy to accept that we, too, have many faults and failings. Even the greatest humans, that ever walked this earth, have had their fair share of weaknesses, mistakes, false beliefs and opinions. So have you. So have I.

Just relax. Let go. Have a good laugh at your immature, negative reaction.

Maybe you can go even further, raise your game. Maybe you could tell yourself,

“You know what, maybe they have a point.”

As we have heard it said, so many times,

“You’ll get more truth about yourself from your enemies than your friends.”

Why? Because your friend doesn’t want to hurt you, tell you the painful truth about yourself. So?

So the friend lies to you. Keeps you sweet. Panders to your “deep, dark, stormy sea of emotions.”

If we were really honest with ourselves, we might even think,

“If they only knew the half of my faults and failings!”

So laugh at yourself. Join the club.

We’re all only human.

May I wish you lots of love, peace and wisdom in your life!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.   I’d love to learn how you deal with criticism; please share your comments with the rest of us.

P.P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

Did you answer “NO! Of course not. I’m not that stupid.”

Why would you be STUPID if you spent money that way?

Surely it’s because you don’t want to waste money. Why not? Because money has a value. A great value. It’s what you absolutely need. No money, then life becomes extremely difficult.

Pause for a moment, and think. Think of some other things in your life that are really important to you.

Do you care for them?

Look after them?

Place a great value on them?

Never want to be without them?

Treat them with love and appreciation?

It’s a no-brainer, isn’t it? The answer is “Of course I do! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!”

Ben Franklin reminds us that one of the most important things in our life is time. Time travel doesn’t happen. When it’s gone, it’s gone. One way traffic.

On our death bed, time suddenly becomes huge. We see how much time we could have used better.

Why wait until you’re dying? Value time now.

Use it well. Use it to love others. Make a difference. Do things you love.

Remember, time’s a one-way ticket. No going back.

When it’s gone, it’s gone.

Time out!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. I’d love to hear what you value most spending time on. Why not leave a quick comment below? Thank you!

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

12: Is It Important To Be A Winner?

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make this world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

9 Arguing with a Loved One? Be Wise, Move On

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make this world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk