The result? Invariably the same. They forgot most of what they had learned. Five steps forward, four steps back. Progress was minimal, many got fed up and left the class. Very few persevered to the end.

However, there was a tiny minority that did study between the weekly classes. For them it was five steps forward, and then another three steps forward.

Do the Math.

Those who studied once a week made five steps forward minus four steps backwards. Equals one step forward. 

Those who studied in between classes made five steps forward plus another three steps forward. Equals eight steps forward!

That’s the awesome power of dedicated practice. These students were already winning eight to one after only one week.

I’m reminded of a famous quote I heard years ago. It went something like this: 

“If you study something for just 15 minutes every single day, in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert.”

So easy to give up, isn’t it? 

“Can’t be bothered”  

“I’ve got bored with it.”

“I’ve found something much more interesting.”

On and on, the lame excuses. We’ve all learned about the power of perseverance. We just need to ask ourselves why we fail to persevere.

It’s easy to make excuses. Blot out our conscience. Pretend it doesn’t really matter. That’s fine, if you want to stay the same, and never make much progress. Give up when so much more is possible.

How lazy are you? What are your excuses? Maybe you just need a little more humility to fess up, get over it, and then move on to achieve some of your goals.

No need to kill yourself trying. Just persevere. Little and often. Baby steps. Bit by bit. Say it any way you like, it’s the same strategy: “inch by inch it’s a cinch.”

I am reminded of the story character, who claimed he could jump to the top of a castle. Everyone thought he was crazy.

But he told them,

“It’s so easy. Find the steps, and then jump up them, one step at a time.”

You don’t have to do it all in one giant jump! 

As Ann Voskamp’s quote reminds us, practice makes perfect. It can even bring about something huge in the long run: transformation.

So, ask yourself: what are my goals? How much do I want them? 

Then take action. How? No problem; you already know perfectly well what to do.

Perhaps you will actually do it this time! I really hope so.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you procrastinate? Has it cost you? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Everybody realises that you can’t expect things to fall into your lap, even if you haven’t done any preparation. Just senseless, wishful thinking. Even “asking the Universe” doesn’t work unless you put in the work. Very few free lunches.

For example. There’s a career you have set your heart on. Better realise, right from the start, that there will be some obstacles on the way. The greatest obstacle will be your own lack of preparation.

You need to study everything that’s involved in that career. Then take all the necessary steps to get there.

“What if I’ve tried and failed?”

Easy. Analyse exactly what you did. Positives and Negatives. Then try again, changing those things you’ve just learned: more of the positives and less of the negatives.

“How many times do I keep trying?”

How much do you want it? So many people give up too soon: maybe just a few yards from the finishing line. As Napoleon Hill would say: you must have a burning desire.

There are so many different levels of commitment. The more committed you are, the better your chance.

“I’ve tried everything, and still not succeeded!”

Keep on trying. You’ll find you haven’t really exhausted all the possibilities. There are so many stories of great inventors who pushed their staff to the limit.

“Look, boss. We’ve tried everything. It’s not going to work. What shall we do?”

The boss pauses, smiles, thanks them profusely, and then adds:

“I still want this, and I’m going to have it. It is possible. Keep trying. Back to the drawing board. Check it all out again. You’ll eventually come up with the answer.”

And they did what he suggested . . . and the rest is history.

In your life, you may not have to go to such extremes. Just believe there’s nearly always more you can do. If you really do want it enough, then it’s amazing all the new ideas, strategies and approaches that surface.

So, what’s behind it all? What drives this positive preparation? Determination, motivation, razor sharp focus, the desire that won’t go away.

The answer is always the same: that burning desire. Want it enough, you’ll prepare enough, and you’ll succeed. However, if after all that, it doesn’t happen, then what?

Well, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. So, try something else. At least you’ll be happy and content, knowing that you gave it your best shot.

That’s all any of us can do. But don’t give up; eventually you’ll get there. Abraham Lincoln said it, and demonstrated it many times in his own life:

One day your chance will come!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

How has preparation helped you? What’s your experience? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Good positive relationships are an essential element in building trust between the business and their customers.  As Rubin says: “Trust is priceless.” 

Trust is needed, because so many successful businesses completely depend on repeat customers. If customers have any doubts about trusting a company, then they will fly into the arms of a better competitor. “Once bitten, twice shy.”

We live in a very competitive world, and often find ourselves in a “win or lose” situation. We will always enjoy less success than is possible if we alienate our customers. Building trust and rapport spells success.

Rubin compares this good relationship approach to a more traditional dog-eat-dog, competitive world of business. He highlights two such approaches: indifference and hostility. 

He suggests indifference is expensive, because if we display a cold, self-seeking approach to potential customers, then we won’t be  successful. If the customer gets the impression that you don’t really care about him and his needs, then you’ve lost him. It will cost you a lot in lost revenue. As Dale Carnegie insisted, you cannot “win friends and influence people” unless you genuinely focus on their interests.

Hostility, of course, is even worse. Why would anyone want to do business with someone attacking him? As Rubin says, it’s “unaffordable.”  Even when we know this, if we haven’t learned self-discipline and patience, then our anger and hostility will force the failure. Self-control is an essential, non-negotiable element in any mature adult.

Perhaps we need to delve a little deeper into the human heart. Good relationships cannot be built on a trust that is fake. People can sniff it out when they are being lied to. Pretend care and concern for the customer will surface. If you are not really a loving person, then people will know.

To build good relationships, you must be genuine. There is nothing worse that finding out that someone you trusted has been a false friend. This is true in life, and is true in business relationships. Your customer is your bread and butter. So respect them. Honour them with a relationship of trust and co-operation. 

Never forget” “Trust is priceless. It’s all about relationships.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

We’ve heard it all a thousand times. “Keep going”, “don’t give up”, and the one I really like: “when the going get tough, the tough get going.” I’m sure we’d all agree that persistence achieves far more than giving up at the first hurdle. However, there seems to be a great problem hidden here. “Why?”

Yes, “why keep going”? The only answer, that seems clear, is that we believe that it’s worthwhile. Especially if hardship’s involved. Nobody likes doing difficult things, unless there is a clear prize at the end of the struggle. A bit like the old “stick and carrot.” The carrot is what we want, and we’re prepared to work and fight for it, because it will outweigh the effort to get it.

Discover your own persistence carrots

So, what’s your prize, your carrot? It has to be something you’re really passionate about. It could be anything at all. We human beings are motivated by a desire for every possible kind of carrot. The secret, of course, is to find the carrot that appeals to you.

Your carrot could be something very personal: maybe some of the so-called “good things” in life. When we’re setting out on life’s journey, we need to make our mark, discover who we are, what we want, what we need, what we crave.

Passionate giving as well?

As we mature on life’s journey, we grow up a bit more, think a bit less about our own needs, and begin to become aware of other people’s needs. Making a contribution suddenly seems to make sense, even something we feel called to do.

It is precisely all those needs, wants, desires – in a word, all those heartfelt passions – that become the driving force behind our perseverance. If we care enough about something, then we’ll strive for it, keep going, never give up, and see it to a happy conclusion.

It is so sad to witness some people, seemingly without much passion for life. They are lacking great passion, and so they drift through life, often bored, unhappy and even jealous of others who are successful. Without much passion for anything, they can even drift into all kinds of negative behaviour.

Finding that “perfect job”

That’s why I believe all those self-help authors, who insist that we simply must discover our passions. Passions? Yes, dreams, visions for your future, that will get you out of bed in the morning. Some even talk of discovering your “life passion” – that one special thing, that you want to dedicate your life to.

It is also sad to see so many people, trapped in a work life that they hate.

“I can’t stand this job, but it’s all there is, and I have a family to support.”

I’ve known people like that. There are no easy answers to such problems, and certainly there’s “no one size fits all” solutions.

The life-style you’ll really love

However, perhaps the first step is to realise that, with a little bit of effort, thought, and help from other loving people, there may well be a better life possible. There is a tendency to give up too easily, become pessimistic, and imagine it’s all hopeless. Maybe it’s not. It could be that it is precisely here that we need this quote: “persist as resolutely as you persist in eating.”

We persist in eating, because we have a strong passion for it: we’ll die if we don’t. Let’s also find that kind of passion for fulfilment, happiness, and a life-style we can love.

I believe that, for all of us, more is possible. Perhaps even living some of your dreams. You have the persistence deep within.

Find it, use it, and be happy.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.  I’d love to know what your carrot is? Tell us in the box below. Look forward to your comments.

Many men have been challenged, by their wife, for failing to do something that she sees as important. This could be the wife’s complaint:

“Excuses, excuses! All I hear from you is excuses!“

How many times have we all heard that one? Maybe we’ve even  been the person told off!

It’s so true isn’t it? Life is full of excuses; and what’s the inevitable result? Countless things get left undone, that should have been done. It’s a huge temptation for every one of us. We often hear words such as these:

“It wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t help it.”

“Why not?”

That’s when the excuses begin:

“Well, this happened; that stopped me; I didn’t have such and such.”

On and on flow the excuses, one after another. Why are we so weak in this way?

Not rocket science, is it? Why do we make excuses? Because we all detest being wrong. We all hate to admit we’ve failed. We never want to suffer the shame of blame. We refuse to accept responsibility.

So, whose fault is it then, that it didn’t get done? Who, or what, do we blame?

The quote from Thomas Carlyle hits the nail on the head: circumstances are to blame!

Have we any control over circumstances?

So, is Carlyle right or wrong? Are we at the mercy of circumstances? Or is it rather that we ourselves create the circumstances, and therefore must accept responsibility for what we do?

Like most things in life, it’s not a simple yes or no. It’s a bit of both.

Yes, of course, we are creatures of circumstances, to a certain extent. There are countless things, all around us in life, that are beyond our control. Therefore they stop us from doing all kinds of things, we might want to do.

Take the neighbourhood, for example, or the country where you’re brought up. That circumstance, that environment, can have a massive influence on who, and what, you become.

But that’s not the end of the story, is it? Why not? Because, as we know very well, we all have free-will.

Personal Freedom versus circumstances

We have the power of personal choice. We can decide how we live our life, what we think, what we do, what we love, what we hate. Circumstances do challenge our choices, but they never destroy our personal freedom.

There are so many living examples of people, who learn to overcome the circumstances of their birth and upbringing. They start to take better control of their life. They choose a better way; so can we.

Let Robbin Island inspire you

Many difficult circumstances really can be overcome; they don’t have to dictate our life. Think of Nelson Mandela, 28 years in prison on Robbin Island. His case is famous, because he freely chose not to let that terrible circumstance destroy him. In his body, mind and spirit, he rose above his difficult surroundings, and emerged a world-wide hero for so many people. So, how did he do that?

In spite of the appalling circumstances of prison life, his heart and mind were still full of love, forgiveness, and peace. Many others would have surrendered to such awful circumstances, and become angry and bitter, filled with thoughts of hatred and revenge. Life’s all down to how we choose to respond.

So, we see that circumstances are indeed a huge part of our lives. Nevertheless, how we react to them is up to us. We always have a choice. We can be positive or negative in our response.

The wisdom of Carlyle

Thus I feel that Carlyle’s quote contains a huge amount of truth. We’re all invited to make best use of our gift of personal freedom, and become the architect of our circumstances. We’re free to react, in any way we wish, to the circumstances that surround us: negatively, or positively.

We can choose negativity: we can give up, throw in the towel, and blame the circumstances of our life.

Or we can be positive: we can choose to decide for ourselves many of the circumstances, that we will allow into our life. For the most part, we can choose how we respond to what life throws at us.

We are in control. It’s our life. We have inner freedom. Let’s never forget what Mandela taught us.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Please leave a comment about one circumstance in your life that’s been a problem, and what you did to overcome it.

Do you feel you have much more to offer? Do you feel that life is passing you by? Do you want to do more in your life, live life to the full?

What would you say if you were told you’re not just the product of circumstance? That you do have a choice, that those choices have helped make you who you are, and what you have done up to now.

Are you thinking,

“What me, you must be joking? If I had a choice it would be quite different” 

Put away those pitiful, power-leaching thoughts; because you do have a choice to be the person you want to be. You are what you make yourself.

You could be . . . the person you want to be.

You know that the person, deep down inside of you, knows this is true. That part of you that knows who you could be, who you want to be, who you’re meant to be.

Each one of us is the sum of what we alone have decided, or allowed ourselves to be. Once we reach adulthood, we have the opportunity to choose the kind of life we want, the type of person we want to be. Who we want to spend time with, surround ourselves with.

We make daily choices about hundreds of actions, and decisions we make. We alone decide what type of food we enjoy, what music we like, colours we prefer, who we spend our leisure time with.

You alone have the freedom to change who you are, and what you do, every single day.

“Well, Susan, I didn’t choose my life, my parents. my circumstances. So how can you say it’s my choice?”

I agree, we had very little choice as a child. As adults, we’re often already bound on paths we don’t want. But don’t let that stop you from choosing what you want to do, or be, or changing your course. Let go of that past mindset, those beliefs, excuses and boundaries you may have set up for yourself, or feel tied into.

The chains, of limiting thoughts, that had hold you a prisoner of perceived circumstance and choice. I know it’s not easy to admit. I often felt I had no choice, but I did; maybe not the choices I would have preferred, but I still had them. Once this was revealed to me, I realised I had real power; I was no longer a victim to lame limitations.

We cannot change what life throws at us, or what other people do, or say. However, we can change how we act, think and feel about our own life.

We can decide how we will live our own lives, and what we can make of ourselves.

I want to share with you 7 good reasons why you have the power to be the authentic you.

1. Only you have the right gifts to live your life.  You’re unique; you must develop those gifts, for they give your life meaning. Hone your gifts, every single day, so that they can be used to help others; this is how you can make a difference.
2. Only you can build your confidence and self-respect. Don’t search for these from other people; you must find these yourself. You can earn confidence and self-respect by trusting yourself to do what you set out to do. By learning to have faith in yourself. By believing you are of value.
3. Only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Not your parents, not your loved-ones, not your teachers, not your peers. Your thoughts and actions are your job, your responsibility.
4. Only you have the power to motivate yourself, to dig deep and discover the reason (whatever it is) you need to focus on, to keep going when life’s hard.
5. Only you can do the work, or take the steps that you need to take, towards your dream.
6. Only you can make or break you. Nobody else has the power to control your mind, unless you allow them to.
7. Only you have the right to decide what you want to do in life. This is your freedom: it’s why you have free will. Never enslave yourself to someone else’s will. Don’t live someone else’s agenda. Decide for yourself.

You know, deep down inside your heart, what’s right for you. You deserve to be the person you want to be. You can decide today – right now – to build the right life for you.  It’s never too late to change your course. While you’re still alive and breathing, you still have time to go for your dreams.

You have 7 good reasons why I think you can be the person you want to be. I ask you to think about them. Look for your own reasons, and add to them every day.

Continue to strive doggedly to be the person you want to be. Never give up on yourself. You are here for a purpose. That purpose is to live your life to the full, to bring love, joy, peace and happiness to those around you.

In doing so, you will fulfill your life, and the life of others. That is the person you are meant to be, the person you are deep in your heart.

Be that person and live your life to the full.

Susan J McCann

@susanjmccann

PS I’d love to hear what motivates you. Please feel free to share this post.

Do you ever find yourself re-living past mistakes? You know, something didn’t quite work out. You know and recognise that it’s your fault. So you keep on beating up on yourself.

You spend valuable time today re-living the past. Going over and over it in your mind.

“You idiot,” your mind shouts at you,”what possessed you to do that?”

I’ve found that it can even disturb your sleep. You find yourself lying awake in the middle of the night, playing it over and over in your mind, like a broken record.

So, how can you stop that little voice in your brain, pestering you day and night?

Today

Simple. Move on. It’s happened. It can’t UN-happen. Get on with today’s tasks.

However, maybe easier said than done.

I think one way to conquer this little gremlin is to learn from what happened.

First of all tell yourself, “O.K. I screwed up! Fair enough. No-one’s perfect. My job now is to LEARN from my mistake.”

Just let your logic and reason calm down your emotions. As we know, there’s always a hiden gem in every mistake. That’s the wonderful thing about it. You learn something new and important.

Just think of classic examples, like Edison and his light bulb. How many times did he find something that didn’t work? Hundreds! He never got depressed, moping about, beating up on himself every time it didn’t work.

He just moved on.

“O.K. That didn’t work. What else can I try?”

Little disagreements

I find that this “moving on” helps even in trivial little, day-to-day matters. My wife and I are debating about some issue. We disagree. We make our points firmly. Sometimes we feel so strongly about our point of view that we start to argue. We both hate arguing. I often say, trying to close down the arguing, “O.K. That’s history. Let’s agree to disagree, for the moment. Let’s move on.” And we do.

Even a minute ago can be seen as “history”! What’s been said’s been said. “Fine, let’s not waste any more time, energy and love repeating our own point of view.”

As Dan Millman points out in the quote, we waste energy keeping on and on about the past. We often experience that too, don’t we? We can feel a bit worn out after such a discussion.

Tomorrow

Much better to devote your remaining energy to creating something new, beautiful and useful. I’m reminded of the biblical saying, “Let the dead bury their dead.”

The past is dead and gone. Learn from it, yes. But then move on, and devote all your energy to today and tomorrow.

Yesterday’s already fading into the past. Next year, you won’t even remember it.

Why play around in the ashes of yesterday, when you can be creating the fire of tomorrow?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

You want to change the way they relate to you, make it better, more positive.

The worst strategy is to start attacking them.

“Why are you looking at me that way? What have I done to you? Why don’t you like me?

Attack someone, and they defend themselves. They harden their attitude. Makes things worse.

No-one likes being judged by another person. It simply stirs up even more negativity and a further breakdown in relations. They may even decide not to talk to that person any more.

So, what’s a better way?

Simple. Stop judging them. Why? Because it’s impossible. You can’t see what’s in that person’s heart and mind. You’re only guessing, and with a negative mindset. You’re behaving towards them aggressively.

Much better to behave in a positive way. Talk to them positively. Smile. Offer a handshake. Praise something good they have done. Offer to help them. Show yourself friendly, peaceful and ready to work with them. Let your behavior show them that you really do accept them.

A word of warning!

It’s no use just pretending to accept them. Such lies are seen immediately. Find love in your heart for them. Authentic love and openness. As Og Mandino famously wrote: “I greet this day with love in my heart.”

Apply that to everyone you meet. “I greet this person with love in my heart.”

It can work like magic. Someone close to me used this strategy working with difficult people. Almost always it provided an unexpected breakthrough.

People are not stupid. They can sense when they’re being lied to. They can also feel when another person really does accept them, without any personal judgement.

So, if you want to change someone else’s negative attitude to wards you, then the remedy is simple. Change your own behavior towards them.

It seems that Katherine Hepburn had a point!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

Where are you headed in your life?

Are you going in the right direction?

How could you even know what is the right dirction for you?

These are very big questions. Maybe very hard to answer. You should try, they are important.

That’s why it’s a good idea to take a little time out, now and then, to simply stop, be quiet, banish all interruptions, and just think about your life.

In this way, you can move away from living most of your life on automatic pilot. This rather unthinking way of life is not good. You may not really being going in the direction you want.

It’s so easy to drop into a pattern of life, that may not be what you really want. After all, there’s so many “things to do, places to go, people to see.” Routine can take over. Little dreams, plans, wishes, hopes can take a back seat.

Perhaps you need to take back a little more control. You are a free agent. You have the power of choice. The future, your future is not a movie script, not a groundhog day. You can make gradual changes, step by step in another direction. The future is open to whatever you want it to be, even though there are a thousand challenges to our personal freedom.

I invite you to take a few moments to reflect on these little questions:

“What direction is your life going? Is it what you really want? If not, what will you do about it? Where do you stand in the sliding scale of life control? Are you drifting, at one end of the scale, or are you your own person at the other end of the scale?

As Jim Rohn reminds us, in this quotation, we can change the direction of our life.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

Want to find inventive ways on how to amuse your kids, impress your partner, entertain your friends – but are running out of ideas?

Are you a student, writer, or blogger, and struggling to come up with what to write about, what topics to choose, that you can make a real difference with?

When you have free time, and your loved-one asks “what would you like to do today?”, do you look at them, and say, “I’m not sure; what would you like to do?”

Or do you just do the same old things, go to the same old places you usually do?

Well, you’re not alone in running out of ideas, not being able to decide what to do. Most of us, at some point or other, come across this problem.

There is an easy solution that you can use; one that will get your brain working overtime – without any hard effort on your part.

It’s a game called “what if you could . . . ?”

A fun game to play

You ask yourself  “what if I could do anything?”

What could you do, enjoy, have, experience or create?

You play it by making up lists. You write those lists in your list book, or file on your computer, tablet or phone. You can do them anywhere, any time, and make them however long or short you want. You can add to them, build them over time, or just keep making new ones.

I’m a great believer in lists: not lists that rule your everyday life, to be bound by an “I must do today” stick. However, lists can be useful when you need to focus on important deadlines. Yet this game is not about deadlines or goal setting. No, for me this game is about having fun.

Lists expand your thinking, help your imagination and creativity

If you spend a few minutes each day playing this game, you’ll soon discover the fun you can have with it, and love making your lists.

Your subconcious will love you for it, because you have given it more possibilities to work on: you’ll expand your thinking. You’ll lift your spirit, through feeling the enjoyment of experiencing them while you’re writing them, or re-reading them.

Your imagination will come to life, using its power to visualise what it would be like to do, or experience, some of things on your list. The more you allow your senses to feel these, the better you will enjoy making the lists.

For example: imagine your favourite food. See it now, in your mind’s eye. Watch it being prepared by your favourite chef. Listen to the sound of it cooking or sizzling on the plate. Smell the delicious fragrant aroma, notice the vibrant colour and shape of it.

How juicy, succulent and delicious it is; feel each mouthful, as you slowly bite into it. Notice the taste in your mouth as you chew each bite. Is it smoothe, sweet, creamy and buttery, or is it sharp, spicy, crispy or flaky? How yummy does it taste?

Enjoy imagining similar experiences, as you write your lists.

Fill your mind with new possibilities

I love using lists to get my creativity working, to help fill my mind with possibilities. I use lists to develop my imagination, get me thinking about a new project, a DIY job, things I’d like to learn to do, or places I want to visit.

Lists are like brainstorming ideas but, if you write them down in a notebook or journal, they will be there anytime in the future, to look over and think about.

Life changes in so many ways; what you might want or dream of doing today, may not be what you want next year, or even 5 years from now. That’s why lists are so much fun; you can make up as many new ones as you like, about anything you want.

Lists are also a useful way of asking yourself questions about how important those things are for you.

They help you to create new dreams, and make new decisions, about what you want to do. Lists help you to open up your mind to new things to think about.

Warning! Lists can become addictive

Why not make a new list every day just for fun, about anything you want? Or revisit old lists, and see how much of them have been ticked off, one way or another, in your life?

Don’t just make a bucket list of things you want to do before you die. Make others about food you want to try, books you want to read, music, films, theatre, sports, hobbies, restaurants, places to visit. List anything you want to spend more time on, or experience.

Allow the sensations of all your senses to come alive with each and every item you put on your lists. Imagine what it will be like. Let the experience of enjoying them become real in your mind.

Imagine yourself on that beach, or going to a concert, cinema, theatre, or socialising with friends. In short, don’t just wait to do these things to enjoy them. Make sure you enjoy just thinking about them while writing your list.

Get into the habit of doing this daily: while traveling, or enjoying a cuppa, or hanging around in a waiting room – in short, any time you have a few spare minutes. You will soon find that this fun habit becomes quite addictive.

It’s the one addiction that is good for you. You will improve your creativity, imagination and thinking daily; all, while having lots of fun.

Enjoy

Susan J. McCann

@susanjmccann

If you like this post please feel free to share it out. Many Thanks

PS Please tell us how you use lists, and the benefits you found from making them, in the comments below.

We’ve all heard of the old cliche “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot hurt me.”

The logic of that phrase is so hard to swallow; it leaves us cold. We cry out in pain,

“You’re wrong. So wrong. Words can hurt me very deeply. I’ll remember them for the rest of my life.”

I’m sure most of us would feel that way. So, let’s look at it again. “Words cannot hurt me.” Or can they?

Logically speaking, of course, the saying does make complete sense. Words can’t hurt us. A word is just a word. However logic’s not the whole story. Far from it.

It’s obvious words can’t hurt us physically.  But we can be hurt in other ways too. We can be hurt in our feelings.

There’s a mountain of deep and powerful emotions in every one of us. These emotions react almost on automatic pilot. We feel hurt. We react with anger.

We get upset, even furious. We think only of how we can get our own back. Sweet revenge beckons. Logic goes out the window.

As Carnegie teaches: “Our logic is like a birchbank canoe tossed about on a deep, dark, stormy sea of emotions.”

So, what can we do? If anything! Must we allow our emotions to dictate how we deal with people?

It’s a times like these that we need to remember, “I’m a mature character.”

Mature people have had to learn self-control, self-discipline. Focus on this fact: you’ve got some control over your emotions. You simply need to “bite your tongue, count to ten.”

Pause. Take “a time out”. Pause again. Pause yet again.

Stop blindly reacting. Now, start to think. Let the anger subside. Let your mature self take over.

Why allow some negative comment to dictate your life? After all, it probably took them all of 5 seconds to say it! You really do have the power to get over it. You’re not a kid. You can move on.

• Why allow a passing comment to steal your happiness?
• Why be upset for the rest of the day? The rest of your life? All because of a 5-second comment!
• Why keep playing it over and over in your mind?

Get on with your life, the way you want it to be. It’s your life, to live as you choose.

Your sense of humor might help here.

Learn to laugh at yourself. No-one’s perfect. Let’s be happy to accept that we, too, have many faults and failings. Even the greatest humans, that ever walked this earth, have had their fair share of weaknesses, mistakes, false beliefs and opinions. So have you. So have I.

Just relax. Let go. Have a good laugh at your immature, negative reaction.

Maybe you can go even further, raise your game. Maybe you could tell yourself,

“You know what, maybe they have a point.”

As we have heard it said, so many times,

“You’ll get more truth about yourself from your enemies than your friends.”

Why? Because your friend doesn’t want to hurt you, tell you the painful truth about yourself. So?

So the friend lies to you. Keeps you sweet. Panders to your “deep, dark, stormy sea of emotions.”

If we were really honest with ourselves, we might even think,

“If they only knew the half of my faults and failings!”

So laugh at yourself. Join the club.

We’re all only human.

May I wish you lots of love, peace and wisdom in your life!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.   I’d love to learn how you deal with criticism; please share your comments with the rest of us.

P.P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

All genuine success in life is based on being true to ourselves. Living fully who and what we are.

In so much of your upbringing in today’s society, you’re taught to conform to a thousand other demands. You’re taught to fear being different from others.

Conformity is the mother of lifelong boredom. Crushing your creativity, your love of life, your very soul. Because it dumbs down your spirit, your zest for the life you want.

We simply need to dig deep, find a little courage to step out of the rut. We were designed to be unique and beautiful as we are. No need to mimic others.

Fear imprisons our very real passions, ambitions, dreams. Even daring to speak of them and you’re likely to receive a barrage of negative put-downs.

“You, do that? You must be joking.”

“You’ll never make a living doing that, only a handful of people manage that.”

“Forget it, you’d be better off getting a steady job.”

Recognize any of these type of put-downs? Well meaning comments, but devastatingly negative to our ambitions, dreams, passions.

Hey! Wake up.

Time flies.

You live only once.

Better to have gone for it, whatever the outcome. There’s a thrill, a joy, a delight in trying out new and exciting things.

Whether you “succeed” or not is secondary. True success is not in the result, but in the journey, the living, the process.

Authentic success is living in your own way. I’m not talking about selfishness. I’m talking about not letting other people dictate your life. Just discover and live your deepest and best self.

Simply have the courage to step out, each moment, and enjoy whatever is there. There’s magic everywhere. Open your eyes. Heaven is all around you in the wonders of nature.

It reminds me of the saying “work to live, don’t live to work.”  Letting the necessity of work and money dominate our whole life is madness. I’m not suggesting ditching your job, not supporting yourself, or your family. However, making a living doing what you love makes far more sense.

Why sacrifice the best years of your life slaving away? “You can’t take it with you.” Death awaits us all. Enjoy life to the full, right from day one.

Remember: success is in the wonder of each day, each moment. Lift your nose from the grindstone of life. As they say, “stop and smell the flowers.” 

You were never designed by your Creator to be a robot!

May I wish you true success in life.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Maybe you’d like to share this little quote with a friend. Feel free to leave a comment.  I’d love to hear from you. Thanks.

What I mean is you tell yourself that you’re going to do something. Then, as they say, “life happens.” Guess what? You never actually got round to doing it.

Can you honestly say that you always trust yourself to do what you say?

But, why wouldn’t you trust yourself?

Because, very often, you don’t always do what you say you’ll do. You decide to do something. Yet, somehow, for some reason it never happens.

Is there anything you can do about it? Could you find that IRON STRING that Emerson talks about?

Yes, of course you can. A simple remedy is to find out what went wrong, and why. Pause, and ask yourself:

1. Did I think it through enough? Or maybe it was a spur of the moment thing.
2. Did I really mean what I said? Or maybe it was more wishful thinking.
3. How important was it for you? Or maybe you’ve not taken it seriously enough.
4. What stopped you? Or maybe it just . . . sort of . . . got pushed out.
5. Is it still a good idea? Think about it again. Ask yourself “do I still really want it?
6. If I do still want it, then when will I actually get round to doing it?
7. Then, simply renew your promise to yourself, and then . . . do it!

By asking yourself these questions, you’ll gradually learn to trust yourself more. Why? Because you won’t be so quick to decide to do something, and then let it slide away from you.

You’ll take the promises, you make to yourself, a bit more to heart.

Bit by bit you’ll learn to say “when I say I’m going to do something, I really mean it. It will happen!”

You’ll be amazed how good that makes you feel. Try it and see.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. There’s a bonus too. Others might believe and trust you a bit more. How good is that? Awesome!

P.P.S. Maybe you’d like to share this little quote with a friend. Feel free to leave a comment.  I’d love to hear from you. Thanks.

This becomes a problem when so much of this stuff, coming into your head and heart, clashes with your values and beliefs. It can be a battleground. You’re tempted to surrender.

It’s just so easy to follow the crowd. You compromise on your own values and convictions. Perhaps that’s why great people, life’s heroes, are so often misunderstood, rejected and lonely.

They refuse to conform to any behavior that negates their deepest values. That’s why they stand out from the crowd. They inspire others. They experience the inner peace and joy of being genuinely, doggedly authentic.

Why not raise your game too?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

PS  If you like this quote please feel free to share it

Mindful Minutes with the Merry Monk

8:Self Belief is the Key to Success

Thanks for listening. Let’s all continue to help make this world a better place.

Gerry McCann

The Merry Monk

Fed up with feeling that sometimes life is just not going the way you want it to?

Do you ever get frustrated with how some things are in your life?

Do you feel that you deserve more?

Have you ever asked yourself, ” Do I feel bad about any of these?”:

Your relationships, your work, your lack of opportunities, the way you look, the way you feel when things seem to go wrong in your life.

Do you sometimes feel cross, upset, dejected, lethargic, or feel that life’s not fair?

Use your negative thoughts and emotions

Well, how would you like to learn a simple technique, that could help you think and feel differently?

How would you like to use those same negative thoughts to help you?

Instead of allowing negative emotions to hijack your thinking, decide to change your thoughts by asking yourself,

“What can I learn from this?”

“Can these negative thoughts, and emotions, help me to recognize what I do want?”

For example, take something that most of us suffer from, at some point in our lives, “Body Image.”

We often get frustrated at, or even hate, the way we look:

Out of shape, spotty skin, discolored teeth, rotting teeth, bags under our eyes, double chin, beer belly, haggard appearance, too fat, too thin . . . (just fill in the blanks).

When we feel like this, we often carry on feeding this pain or guilt, with more of the same. Recognize any of these?

Not exercising enough.

Eating the wrong foods.

Overeating.

Not eating enough.

Drinking too much.

Drinking too many sugared drinks.

Using or taking harmful substances.

Not getting enough rest or sleep.

Not caring for our skin, teeth, feet, nails, hair.

Stressing about it.

Instead of resorting to old negative habits and behavior, ask yourself:

“What are these negative thoughts and emotions helping me to recognize?”

Are they signals, that the body is sending to you?

Are they showing you that you are no longer happy to put up with how they make you feel?

Are they heartfelt pointers, reminding you that you deserve to love the way you look?

That you want to change your behavior, your habits, your thinking?

What are they telling you?

Once you start changing the way you look at negative thoughts and emotions, you’ll begin to recognize that they are helping you to understand what you really do want.

Think about it for the next few minutes. Whenever we feel negative emotions about something, it usually points out to us what we truly want:

• A less stressful job
• Less stressful life
• A better relationship with our partner, parents, children, peers
• More balance in our lives
• Healthier body
• A healthier lifestyle
• More fun in our lives
• A purpose in life
• Spending time with loved ones, friends and on ourselves

Make a mental list of all the things that negative emotions are pointing out to you, showing you, and screaming out to you.

Take time to think.

What they are spelling out to you, loud and clear?

I think you’ll agree that they are letting you know what you want instead.

The positive things you really want in your life, instead of the negative things you are already experiencing, or thinking, or worrying about.

Sounds obvious doesn’t it?

But how many of us actually take any notice, and really admit what we do want — what we want enough to change our thinking, our behavior, our habits?

Be honest now, how often do you really take notice?

No more excuses, such as, “I’m too tired, I haven’t got time, I’ve no choice, I’m just not that type of person, I can’t help who I am, I just can’t do it.”

Empower Yourself

If you truly what to empower yourself to be stronger, more positive, more energized, tap into your inner power, then make that list.

What are some of things on your list?

Which of them are the most important to you?

Then allow yourself to think about all the positive things that you do truly want. Think about how having, being or doing these will have a positive impact on your life. Think how you feel about having and experiencing them.

Allow your creative imagination to paint a picture, in as much detail as you can, of what your life will be like once you have them.

Practice this often, make a game of it. Once you make a habit of this, you will begin to fill in the details. You’ll start to feel all the positive emotions that life has to offer you. The more creative you are, the more detail you’ll fill in. Like painting a portrait, building a jigsaw, designing a room.

You are the writer and director of your own movie: you direct the actors, the scene, the dialogue. You have free rein on whatever you want it to be, or to change what happens. You can enjoy all the excitement, happiness, satisfaction, peace, love, fulfillment and feel-good moments of sheer pleasure of having that life.

OK, OK; I can hear you saying, “Yeah, that’s just a pipe dream; it’s never going to happen.”

Daydreaming positive emotions is good for the soul

So, what if it doesn’t happen? You’re still experiencing those positive emotions. It can improve your creative mental ability. It’s a stress buster, it can give you endless moments of joy, happiness, peace, contentment or just sheer fun; and, all for free.

Just like when you’re asleep, enjoying a really great dream, or a horrible nightmare: you still get the same emotions of fear, worry, excitement, happiness, etc., while you’re asleep and only dreaming. The mind processes all your real life events, dreams, and thoughts in a similar way, affecting your nervous system, your body and your emotions.

Some people even thrash about in their sleep, fighting off imagined demons. Sleep walkers are acting out their dream. I’m more than sure some of you have had similar physical experiences during, shall we say, more positive dreams.

Can you remember any dreams, that seemed so real, that you weren’t sure if you were dreaming or not? No matter what experiences you have had, why not decide what you want to day-dream about, while you’re awake.

Why wait until you’re sleeping, and have less control over your thoughts?

Have fun whenever you have a few spare minutes or more. Escape the rigors of life, the busy train commute, and take a short coffee or lunch break, enjoying the game of daydreaming. That stress-free world of make-believe. Allowing your thoughts, your imagination, your creativity to color your world with wondrous possibilities.

It’s so beneficial to you, and on so many different levels. It helps you to feel what it would be like. It improves your positivity. It gives you material to enlarge your imagination, and creative thinking. It widens your outlook on life.

It’s a form of practicing what you would do, and how you would do it; what it would be like, and how you would feel.

Above all, it helps you to focus your thinking on things that you want, instead of what you don’t want.

It’s a technique I’ve used for many years now; it’s helped me to feel good about myself. It’s helped me to cope with and overcome situations, events, fears and relationships I have had in my life. Showing me what I wanted, or needed, to be different.

Thinking about what I really wanted empowered me, and in so many ways. It fed my soul with wonderful loving emotions, instead of the dread, fear, lack, and what I didn’t have. Thinking and daydreaming about what I did want, often gave me the strength I needed to take small steps towards doing the things I really wanted, instead of the things that were negative. I’ve used it over and over again, for dealing with all sorts of relationships, events, situations in my life that cause negative emotions.

That’s why I know it works. That it can work for you. That you’ll be able to use this technique in all sorts of areas of your life, no matter what they are.

Because even when you have no control over what others do or say to you, or when you cannot control some situations in your life, you can control your own thoughts, your own thinking. You can empower yourself, by using those negative emotions to point out to you what you do want, what you need to do.

You can positively re-run that event in your head, to give it a different outcome. One that gives you strength, one that gives you courage; one that makes you believe, and feel, that you can experience what you want, instead of what you don’t want. Thinking thoughts that empower you. By focussing on what you want in your life.

As the saying goes “what you focus on is what you bring about”. So why waste your thoughts on things you don’t want? Use your negative emotions, as signals, to point instead to the positive things you do want. Fill your thoughts, and creative imagination, with what you do want. Do this as often as possible; and just enjoy.

Remember, that

What we focus on, and think about often enough, sparks our subconscious into action: it starts looking for ways of bringing these about.

Remember that in our world, nothing exists that humans have built, made, invented or acted on, without first being a thought in a person’s mind.

So have some fun, enjoy the positive energy of positive thoughts. Fill your mind, body and spirit with what the popular “Beach Boys” song would say, “Good Vibrations.”

If you haven’t heard of it, look it up on the internet. It’s a classic “feel good” upbeat song from a past generation. Click the link below to hear the song.

Susan J. McCann

@susanjmccann

If you like this post please feel free to share it out. Many Thanks

PS I’d love to hear how it works for you, or about techniques you use that have worked for you.