Marathons are an excellent metaphor for the awesome power of the “little and often” success strategy. 

Why do we hate mosquitos? Because they can bite us “little and often”. In hot countries people have to sleep with mosquito nets. Just imagine the pain of waking up covered in mosquito bites!

The power of little and often is focus. It’s the same thing, little and often, that has the power. Yes, the power to make an impact, however you understand “impact.”

There’s nothing worse than having great energy, but splitting it up again and again. A whole rake of mediocre little things. Bit of this, bit if that, bit of the other. No focus. No perseverance. No personal growth. No success. No impact.

I love studying foreign languages. The problem is my lack of focus. Bit of Spanish, bit of Italian, bit of German, touch of French, a hint of Latin . . . even more! You get the picture.

Then when I’m confronted with having to speak that language with a foreigner, I mutter something like, “yes, well, I studied a few words, but I can’t really speak it.”

By the way, the oppositie extreme is also to be avoided. Not satisfied with knowing a basic 5,000 words, you are driven to learn a further 5,000 words.

Waste of precious time! 

You’ll never use more than a few percent of the second 5,000 words. Maybe nice for the ego, but of little practical use. It is, of course, the old “diminishing returns” nightmare. Massive investment, near zero returns!

Five thousand words in Spanish and 5,000 words in German would be much more useful than 10,000 words in Spanish.

Where do you fit in? You may even be “small” but you can make an impact, by having a clear focus, and then keeping at it. Personal growth guaranteed!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you make an impact? Like to share a thought? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

The result? Invariably the same. They forgot most of what they had learned. Five steps forward, four steps back. Progress was minimal, many got fed up and left the class. Very few persevered to the end.

However, there was a tiny minority that did study between the weekly classes. For them it was five steps forward, and then another three steps forward.

Do the Math.

Those who studied once a week made five steps forward minus four steps backwards. Equals one step forward. 

Those who studied in between classes made five steps forward plus another three steps forward. Equals eight steps forward!

That’s the awesome power of dedicated practice. These students were already winning eight to one after only one week.

I’m reminded of a famous quote I heard years ago. It went something like this: 

“If you study something for just 15 minutes every single day, in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert.”

So easy to give up, isn’t it? 

“Can’t be bothered”  

“I’ve got bored with it.”

“I’ve found something much more interesting.”

On and on, the lame excuses. We’ve all learned about the power of perseverance. We just need to ask ourselves why we fail to persevere.

It’s easy to make excuses. Blot out our conscience. Pretend it doesn’t really matter. That’s fine, if you want to stay the same, and never make much progress. Give up when so much more is possible.

How lazy are you? What are your excuses? Maybe you just need a little more humility to fess up, get over it, and then move on to achieve some of your goals.

No need to kill yourself trying. Just persevere. Little and often. Baby steps. Bit by bit. Say it any way you like, it’s the same strategy: “inch by inch it’s a cinch.”

I am reminded of the story character, who claimed he could jump to the top of a castle. Everyone thought he was crazy.

But he told them,

“It’s so easy. Find the steps, and then jump up them, one step at a time.”

You don’t have to do it all in one giant jump! 

As Ann Voskamp’s quote reminds us, practice makes perfect. It can even bring about something huge in the long run: transformation.

So, ask yourself: what are my goals? How much do I want them? 

Then take action. How? No problem; you already know perfectly well what to do.

Perhaps you will actually do it this time! I really hope so.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you procrastinate? Has it cost you? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Or am I self-centred and selfish? What are the moral principles that guide my life? That is where we discover who a person really is. “Really” means deep down inside, rather than surface appearance.

Our moral principles and values are best seen in the choices we make. Do we choose good, bad or indifferent? Our choices are nothing more than our free-will in action: 

“This is what I want, this is what I choose to do, this is who I decide to be.” 

Even though there are many strong influences, pushing us to make certain choices, we are still in charge. We are always free to say “yes” or “no.”

Such deep seated moral values have little or nothing to do with our abilities. There is a huge difference between what I am able to do, and what kind of a person I choose to become. 

We’ve all heard of the spoilt genius. An extremely talented and gifted person, with extraordinary abilities, but who at the same time is not a very nice person.

Our abilities only demonstrate things we can do. Many abilities are natural;  we happen to be born with certain gifts. There are countless examples of naturally gifted people. Let’s take Olympic athletes. 

To be one of the best in the world, takes months and years of dedicated training. But that’s not all; they must have a natural ability out of the ordinary. Their inborn native ability lifts them head and shoulders above the rest.

However, those abilities say nothing about who that person is in their heart and soul. Yes, of course they have perseverance, determination, grit, and so on. But does that make them a nice person? 

Not necessarily. 

There are gifted people with great natural abilities, but that says nothing about their moral choices. These moral choices are a window on the heart and soul of the person.

It is only by looking at the free choices people make that we have an idea about who they really are. One of Jesus’ famous sayings refers to this very point: 

“By their fruits you shall know them.” 

The way we live our life gives an open window into our soul. External abilities say little or nothing about the moral, ethical choices we make. 

The choices our soul makes, reveal who we really are.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What are your abilities? How do you make choices? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

“If only this happened more often,” you felt, “life could be awesome.”

We can believe it’s completely out of our control.

“Luck’s just luck! I can’t command luck to happen.”

Well, may be you can. That’s what the quote suggests. Luck can happen when things change.

How come “change” can work this magic? Simply because change introduces something new into your life.

It’s exactly the same as going above and beyond our comfort zones. We open up a whole new range of possibilities, both good as well as challenging.

“So, how can I use change to find my new wings?”

The answer is that we can deliberately control the change. We have free will, the power of decision, and a mind and heart to think and feel what new experience we want. As we create a whole new environment in our life, surprises are bound to happen.

“But I only want good surprises! How can I make that happen?”

Here’s how. The more we make honest, altruistic, loving, caring and compassionate changes, the more we ourselves will create a new social environment in our life. In that new environment, many beautiful things will happen.

How do we know? Life often tends to be wiser than we think. Life gives us back what we offer. One thinks of many other very well-known sayings that make the same point:

“You reap what you sow”

“The harder I work, the luckier I get.”

“We all create our own luck.”

“Kindness is the hardest thing in the world to give away. It’s always returned.”

Everything we’ve read about our attitudes, “negativity” and “positivity, makes the same point.

New wings are out there, waiting for every one of us. You even know what to do. Be really positive.

Why not just go for it?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Have you been lucky? What part did you play? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Everybody realises that you can’t expect things to fall into your lap, even if you haven’t done any preparation. Just senseless, wishful thinking. Even “asking the Universe” doesn’t work unless you put in the work. Very few free lunches.

For example. There’s a career you have set your heart on. Better realise, right from the start, that there will be some obstacles on the way. The greatest obstacle will be your own lack of preparation.

You need to study everything that’s involved in that career. Then take all the necessary steps to get there.

“What if I’ve tried and failed?”

Easy. Analyse exactly what you did. Positives and Negatives. Then try again, changing those things you’ve just learned: more of the positives and less of the negatives.

“How many times do I keep trying?”

How much do you want it? So many people give up too soon: maybe just a few yards from the finishing line. As Napoleon Hill would say: you must have a burning desire.

There are so many different levels of commitment. The more committed you are, the better your chance.

“I’ve tried everything, and still not succeeded!”

Keep on trying. You’ll find you haven’t really exhausted all the possibilities. There are so many stories of great inventors who pushed their staff to the limit.

“Look, boss. We’ve tried everything. It’s not going to work. What shall we do?”

The boss pauses, smiles, thanks them profusely, and then adds:

“I still want this, and I’m going to have it. It is possible. Keep trying. Back to the drawing board. Check it all out again. You’ll eventually come up with the answer.”

And they did what he suggested . . . and the rest is history.

In your life, you may not have to go to such extremes. Just believe there’s nearly always more you can do. If you really do want it enough, then it’s amazing all the new ideas, strategies and approaches that surface.

So, what’s behind it all? What drives this positive preparation? Determination, motivation, razor sharp focus, the desire that won’t go away.

The answer is always the same: that burning desire. Want it enough, you’ll prepare enough, and you’ll succeed. However, if after all that, it doesn’t happen, then what?

Well, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. So, try something else. At least you’ll be happy and content, knowing that you gave it your best shot.

That’s all any of us can do. But don’t give up; eventually you’ll get there. Abraham Lincoln said it, and demonstrated it many times in his own life:

One day your chance will come!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

How has preparation helped you? What’s your experience? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

“Yes, well, they’re just being nice . . . but they don’t really mean it. Maybe they just want something. What are they after?” 

Fake niceness! Maybe that says a lot about our society. 

It’s possible to give a little in order to get what we want. People who deliberately manipulate others know this. They pretend friendship, kindness, giving . . . only in the hope of getting back what they want. They don’t really care about the other person. They’re using them for their own ends.

There is a better way. I believe we’re here on this planet to love, give, and contribute unselfishly. To make the world a better place: by helping others, sowing seeds of kindness, love and generosity. If your heart’s in the right place, others will be moved to grow in love as well.

As Dyer suggests: move on, change the way we look at people: they’re valued, fellow human beings. Think of the other person and their needs. The best way to change others is to change the way we treat them. As Gandhi famously said: “be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

The ideal is to be nice to someone, just because you want them to feel good. There’s no hidden agenda. You’ve moved on from total absorption in yourself. You’re not thinking about yourself. You want to give, give, give. You’re invited to live your highest and best self. It’s all about your values, your love, your personal commitment to “do the right thing.”

A loving world is a happy world. Senseless wars and violence could vanish, if only we embraced loving others, really caring about them as friends.

Dyer reminds us that it’s by changing and improving the way we treat other people, that they will automatically be changed for the better. You will have experienced this yourself. If someone does you a favour, your immediate response is, “That’s really nice of them.” You think better of them, and are far more likely to be loving to them in return.

The classical saying, “It is in giving that we receive” sums it up. Most people are not made of stone. They tend to respond in kind. Far better then to treat them well, positively, altruistically. They will be moved, perhaps even in spite of themselves, to respond in kind. 

If you change the way you look at people, they will also change. In a word: 

“We reap what we sow.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

How altruistic are you? What’s your experience? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

“You screwed up big time, buddy.” 

“I’m not the only one to blame. What was your contribution? You didn’t exactly help, did you?”

And so on, and so on. Wasting time, blaming each other. Far better to acknowledge responsibility, but without getting personal about it. Then each can freely admit what they did, and then everyone can get on with finding a better way.

Far more sensible to analyze the problem again, and have a brain-storm about what else could be tried.

“O.K. guys. I screwed up. We all did a bit. Let’s focus on our goal here.”

This positive approach keeps people happy, working in harmony, and unleashes their inbuilt creativity. It makes for a peaceful workplace, a happy home. Complaining, whinging, attacking only creates bad feeling, and halts real progress.

I’ve been blessed with a long life. I’ve often been guilty of strongly defending my part in the failure, insisting it wasn’t my fault. Eventually I learned the lesson. For some time now, my only response has been:

“That’s history. Let’s move on. No judgements, who’s right, who’s wrong. History can’t be changed. All we have is now. Time for peace, thinking. What can we do now?”

“Boiling the cabbage” . . . two, three, four times . . . achieves nothing, except spoiling the cabbage. Much better to serve the cabbage, carve the meat, mash the potatoes. Eat and enjoy, and get on with your life. 

Moving on really does make life much happier, much more creative, and builds loving relationships.

Revenge is horrible, arguing is painful, and complaining creates division. Looking back is anger gets us nowhere. Always try to look to the future you can create. Loving collaboration is so much better.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Have you played the blame game? What did you learn? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

In fact, when you haven’t even experienced a higher positive level of self-behaviour, you are unaware that there is a better way. You don’t even know how to treat others. You don’t even know what’s the right way to behave, never mind how to do it. 

Like speaking a foreign language. If you haven’t learned it, then those foreigners will not be able to use it with you. They know they’ll be wasting their time.

When we don’t know how to treat others properly and appropriately, such lack of good behaviour gives no encouragement to others to treat you any differently.

It will be a rare, altruistic, loving person, who will not follow the poor level of your behaviour, but step up to their own level, and treat you much better than you treated them. You give them 10%, and they return 90%. 

It seems to be a common human tendency is to respond in kind. Give as good as you get. Tit for tat. Disrespect gets disrespect, friendly and open produces a similar response. It almost seems as if it’s in our DNA. 

This raises a very interesting question: do we all have an inbuilt tendency to mirror others? To build rapport, and get on their wavelength? Many other common sayings seem to suggest that this is our experience:

“Birds of a feather flock together”

“We can tell who you are by the company you keep.”

“We feel comfortable in the company of similar people.”

“We all seek our own tribe.”

Let’s take a common everyday example. A man gives up alcohol. That alone can mean that he’s no longer part of his tribe at the local pub. 

He has set himself a standard that doesn’t fit in with the others. Strained relationships! The drinkers start to feel bad every time they buy another round of drinks, and their friend is the odd man out.

Our own self-behaviour sets the standard – invites, permits, the same from others. So let’s make it as positive as we can. Why not? If we do, then good things happen:

Self-respect leads to receiving respect from others;

Self-acceptance leads to receiving acceptance from others;

Self-esteem leads to receiving esteem from others;

Self-love leads to receiving love from others;

Self-belief leads to receiving belief from others.

In a nutshell: treat yourself positively, and others will raise their game, and try their best to return their own version of positivity.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

“Actions speak louder than words”

“Words are cheap, action is what counts”

“Promises, promises, broken promises politics”

“Walk your talk.”

We’ve all heard of these well-known sayings. The message is the same: just do what you say you’ll do. Let’s take a few well-known examples.

Very often we see the Nations of the world agreeing Peace agreements: inspiring words. Unfortunately the peace often collapses, as the agreed actions simply don’t happen.

We witness the same contradiction in many committee meetings. There is much talk, and endless discussions, but few decisions.

Or take the example of religion. Why are there so many people put off religion? If we ask them, we discover that hypocrisy is one of the biggest criticisms. Religious Hypocrisy: saying one thing, but doing another.

“They go to church every Sunday, and think that makes them good Christians. Well, I know many of them, and they don’t live like Christians at all.” 

Yet again, fine words spoken to God on Sunday, but not actually carried out in the rest of the week.

Another deeply personal example: Christian priests! I feel ashamed to admit that I’m a retired Catholic priest. The Church I love has been crucified by pedophile priests. The very ones, who should live out their beliefs and words, have wallowed in the mud of sin. But that’s not the half of it!

What is ten times worse: the cover-up by Church authorities. Finally compelled to own up to their abominable actions, they have made all kinds of promises. 

Again we are forced to ask: will the Church follow up on their fine words? Many feel there has been very little real action so far. We witness rampant hypocrisy: yet again, fine words, but horrible actions, cover-up, authorities in denial.

Jesus’ harshest criticisms were for hypocrites.  He detested hypocrisy, This is what we read in Matthew 23:27-28:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

Another text: “Not everyone who says Lord, Lord, will enter Heaven, but he who does the Will of My Father.”

We read in Mark 7:6:  Jesus replied, Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

Yes, action is what counts, not just promises, nice words and a heart full of hypocrisy.

As John Maxwell says in today’s quote:   “Actions are remembered long after words are forgotten.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

This question has traditionally divided some Christians. Some see God as doing it all. All you need is Faith. Just believe and ask. “Ask and you shall receive. . .”

Others say that “God helps those who help themselves.” James warns us that “faith without good works is dead.” This week’s quote suggests that God’s guidance happens only with our willing co-operation and collaboration.

So, where does that leave us? Who’s right? Is it Faith alone? Or Faith expressed in Good Works?

Let’s take an example. Your mother has a heart attack, and is seriously ill. “Please God, don’t let her die! Not now! Not yet!” We plead with God, over and over again. The whole family is in tears. 

That’s a brilliant response, exactly what we should do as Christians. But, is that all? Just sit and wait for God to get on with it? Perhaps not.

But if not, then where does that leave us? What else is needed? If prayer’s not enough, then what? In our example, we would immediately call the emergency ambulance. I’m sure there’s not a single religious person in the world who wouldn’t also call the ambulance.

What’s that saying? To me, the answer is quite clear: God expects us to co-operate and collaborate with Him. Do everything humanly possible. God’s given us brains, intelligence, creativity; and He fully expects us to use them, lovingly and wisely. 

God rejoices in those He has called into the medical profession, those who dedicate their life to serving the sick and dying. Would anyone dare suggest that they are acting against God, denying faith, leaving God out of the picture?

Experience teaches us clearly the ordinary way for healing to happen. We are called by God to apply everything we know that helps to cure people. Of course, miracles do happen. However, they tend to be extraordinary Divine interventions, where God steps in and heals the sick person.

Both are needed. “FAITH” in God, and the “GOOD WORKS” of the medical profession. There’s no need to become stuck in an “either/or” conundrum. We don’t have to choose between two competing remedies. Both are needed.

I once heard it expressed this way: “Believe, as if everything depended on God; and work, as if everything depended on you.”

So, let’s sum it all up: 

Yes, of course God will “guide your footsteps”, but don’t just stand there!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own healing experience ? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

Good positive relationships are an essential element in building trust between the business and their customers.  As Rubin says: “Trust is priceless.” 

Trust is needed, because so many successful businesses completely depend on repeat customers. If customers have any doubts about trusting a company, then they will fly into the arms of a better competitor. “Once bitten, twice shy.”

We live in a very competitive world, and often find ourselves in a “win or lose” situation. We will always enjoy less success than is possible if we alienate our customers. Building trust and rapport spells success.

Rubin compares this good relationship approach to a more traditional dog-eat-dog, competitive world of business. He highlights two such approaches: indifference and hostility. 

He suggests indifference is expensive, because if we display a cold, self-seeking approach to potential customers, then we won’t be  successful. If the customer gets the impression that you don’t really care about him and his needs, then you’ve lost him. It will cost you a lot in lost revenue. As Dale Carnegie insisted, you cannot “win friends and influence people” unless you genuinely focus on their interests.

Hostility, of course, is even worse. Why would anyone want to do business with someone attacking him? As Rubin says, it’s “unaffordable.”  Even when we know this, if we haven’t learned self-discipline and patience, then our anger and hostility will force the failure. Self-control is an essential, non-negotiable element in any mature adult.

Perhaps we need to delve a little deeper into the human heart. Good relationships cannot be built on a trust that is fake. People can sniff it out when they are being lied to. Pretend care and concern for the customer will surface. If you are not really a loving person, then people will know.

To build good relationships, you must be genuine. There is nothing worse that finding out that someone you trusted has been a false friend. This is true in life, and is true in business relationships. Your customer is your bread and butter. So respect them. Honour them with a relationship of trust and co-operation. 

Never forget” “Trust is priceless. It’s all about relationships.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

Let’s suppose you need to get to know someone. Perhaps a work colleague, a new neighbour, a friend of a friend, an important acquaintance. Then the question becomes: how do I do that? How do I discover what’s beneath the surface?

But, what’s wrong with the surface? Why do we want to know what’s below the surface, deep inside the person? Because the surface may be the problem.

As the word “surface” suggests, we may only be seeing what that person is prepared to communicate to others. People have countless reasons to prevent others really knowing them deep down. “This is the ME I’m prepared to show other people.” But why would we want to hide? Obviously we’ve something to hide.

We are all a mixture: of good and not so good. We prefer to show others the good side, and keep the rest hidden. “None of their business,” we might think, “let’s work on a need to know basis.”

Actions speak louder than words

In Andrew Carnegie’s quote, he focusses on just two ways of discovering a bit more about a person: what they SAY, and what they DO. He’s not talking about having an interview with them, but rather how can we know them better, simply by observing some of their behaviour.

His suggestion:  we’ll get a much more accurate picture of a person, by seeing what they DO. He believes that’s better than what they SAY.

Perhaps he believes that people can hide the truth about themselves much more easily in their speech. Telling lies, making exaggerations, revealing half truths; the list of possible ways to deceive others out of the mouth is endless.

When words hide the real truth

Very often, if not always, people will tell you a version of themselves that’s not true, and they are not even aware of it. Full self-knowledge is a rare commodity. Self-deception is as common as dirt. So many people live in a fantasy world, imagining they have all kinds of positive qualities.

Their friends, who know them better, just smile. Often they don’t have the heart to tell them about their faults and failings. “Why upset them? It’s harmless enough, and it makes them feel good.”

When automatic pilot is a revelation

Now let’s turn to the action part of the quote. Carnegie says we get a much better understanding of someone by their actions. Is this true? It certainly could be, if people are doing things on automatic pilot, unaware that others, observing them, are able to judge something about their character.

Or maybe it’s not even because they’re being watched. Perhaps people get to know what they’ve done because other people have told them. Yet again, people may act in certain ways, completely unaware what that behaviour is saying to other people.

Carnegie also adds a very interesting personal element: his own age. He finds that the older he gets, the more he’s focusses on other people’s behaviour, rather than their words. As they say, wisdom comes with age.

Maybe he’d been fooled, so many times over the years, by what people said. Bit by bit he probably discovered that their actions really do speak louder than words.

We all need to talk with other people

All of this can be extremely important. We all need good communication skills. We live in a world of relationships. If we can’t communicate with others, then bad things can happen. History demonstrates this over and over again.

We can make an excellent start in building a relationship, using the knowledge we already have from that person’s actions and words. We can learn so much, simply by observing others with an open mind.

Good communication, good relationships, good rapport: these are essential elements of a happy and fulfilled life.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

A person of unconditional love is a rare species. They stand head and shoulders above the rest of us. One thinks of Jane Bennet in “Pride and Prejudice” – so loving that she thought the best of everyone. She had a heart filled with love and concern for others, whatever their faults and failings. 

Most of us, unfortunately, find it hard to follow such a towering example. Our spiritual growth is stunted. The problem is our selfishness: ME first. Our automatic pilot forever whispers in our ear: 

“What’s in it for me?”

We are all so wrapped up in ourselves, most of the time, that we live by self-interest. We spend all day with our mind filled with what we want. It’s like background music; not necessarily the main focus, but relentlessly present.

It’s so difficult to forget our self-interest, and to focus all our heart and soul on another person, and how we can help them. Life runs on our relationships. They are key to our personal growth. Life’s all about love, kindness, compassion for others.

Perhaps the fundamental religious attitude of “love your neighbour as yourself” helps us to put things in perspective.

We all automatically love, and take care of ourselves — unless of course we’re suffering from a self-hating psychological illness. We should feel that loving drive about caring for others.

The famous “Golden Rule” teaches the same lesson: you yourself are the criterion for how you should treat others. Would you do that to yourself? Would you like others to do that to you? No? Well, then, you don’t do it to anyone else. What good things would you like? Then help your neighbour to have them as well. Again, life’s about love.

For example: people who’ve experienced “near-death experiences” (and there are thousands of well documented cases) all speak of their experience of overwhelming love “on the other side.” It convinces them that love’s where it’s at.

The paradox of love is simply this: the more we give to others, unselfishly, the more we get back. I am reminded of that other well-known little saying:

“Kindness if hardest thing in the world to give away, because it’s always returned.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true: the more selfish we are, the less we receive. People are put off by selfish people, those who are just out for themselves. 

Sadly, selfish people often end up lonely. Why not give real love a chance? No regrets later on.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Any thoughts on love and selfishness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It could really help others.

Think of the last time you were really angry. Pause for a moment. Think about it. Picture it again in your mind’s eye. How did you feel? Were you happy, or upset? I think anger and being upset always go together. When we’re upset, we’re not really happy.

If anger is going to take away our happiness, then how do we stop being angry? Think of the sort of things that make you angry. It’s usually other people, saying things we don’t like. They may call us names, insult us, disagree with us, ignore us, or in some way hurt us. Be horrible, and cause us pain. Very often our default response is anger at that person.

If we do get angry at people deliberately hurting us, how could we react in a more positive way? That would be a difficult challenge, but well worth it. So, what to do? How could we keep our peace of mind, and refuse to allow their actions to dictate how we feel?

Maybe that was what Jesus was talking about when He advised “turning the other cheek.” What that means is that we don’t retaliate: not in words, nor in actions. We don’t hit them back, we don’t return insult for insult, we don’t “give as good as we get.” In a word, we refuse to allow their negative behaviour to bring us down to their level.

We kill the “downward spiral of violence” before it even starts.

The amazing thing is that if we refuse to return evil for evil, but instead return good for evil, then two great things happen. First of all, we keep our own peace of mind and happiness. Secondly, very often the other person starts to feel bad about their behaviour, and often comes to a better frame of mind.

Yes, why not return good for evil? Brilliant idea! Why allow a moment’s negativity to destroy our positive relationship for hours, perhaps even days and weeks. That’s plain crazy. Think about it.

We’ve all heard true stories of friends who fell out over some negative behaviour, and became bitter enemies for the rest of their lives. Why would we take on board such insane behaviour? Think of all the beautiful things that could have happened if they had just let go of the anger.

They could have said “O.K. we’ve got angry at each other. Where do we go from here? Nurse the pain for the next few decades? Never speak to each other again. Or just let go, make up, and move on?”

Pride, of course, is the problem. Our injured pride is always into the blame game. “It’s his fault. He did this, that or the other. Why should I make up first?”

The other party, without a doubt, thinks exactly the same. “Well, it’s certainly not MY fault, etc etc etc.”

How silly, stupid and childish it is. And it doesn’t go away. It’s always a thorn in your side, a pain that’s ever in your mind and heart. 

Is that really the way you want to live? Maybe it’s even worse. What if it applies to many other people you’ve fallen out with? Where will it end? We know there’s a better way.

Why not just wake up, let go of your precious pride, make up, maybe have a drink, and be happy? The ultimate WIN-WIN!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your experience of overcoming anger? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Much better a saintly uneducated person than a person with multiple degrees and a selfish heart.

Of course, what Aristotle is suggesting is that we do both. Perhaps he says this because so often education focusses almost exclusively on knowledge, or very little on life wisdom.

So the question arises: how to we also educate the heart? What is it anyway? 

Education of the heart seems to mean helping us to love and serve the right things. These right things above all include how we treat other people. Aristotle knows that the most important thing we can do in life is learn how to get on with people. As Dale Carnegie said so many years ago: it’s all about “how to win friends and influence people.”

The most important dimension of our life simply has to be human relationships. All the education in the world will seem meaningless if we live a lonely, isolated life, devoid of nourishing human company and fellowship.

Perhaps we need great teachers of human relationships as well as schools and universities. I’m sure that’s the role traditionally occupied by parents for their children, and religion for everybody. Unfortunatelt religion has, by and large, let us down, massively. 

We have witnessed so many religious leaders in recent years who have torn our hearts apart with their infamous behaviour, rather than inspire us to higher spiritual values. I personally feel this deeply, as I am a retired clergyman. We all demand, and quite rightly, that the beautiful heart values taught from the pulpit, should be reflected in the ongoing behaviour of the preacher himself.

If religion is not doing its job, then who do we turn to for “heart education”? Perhaps that where the huge “personal growth/self-help” market comes in to play. All this popular psychology attempts to teach some values, as well as material success strategies. Indeed such literature often insists that material success is impossible without heart values.

As the quote reminds us, the human race has always realised that authentic education has to speak to the whole person, mind, heart and soul. Ancient religions, ancient philosophers, ancient gurus knew this only too well. Aristotle of course is a classic example, as we see in this quote.

I’m afraid that the evidence we have here in the Western world suggests that we have tipped the balance far too much in the direction of mind, very often at the expense of heart. Yes, both knowledge and heart are great human dimensions to develop.

If one had to choose between them, then perhaps we should choose heart rather than mind.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your feeling about education? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Why is happiness so difficult to pin down?  Let’s see what our quote suggests:

It states: happiness is not in external things (circumstances), but rather is a quality within the human being. Happiness flows from within us, not from things out there. 

Some people still think money can buy happiness. Money buys things, stuff, physical objects, experiences. They can give pleasure. The problem: it’s often superficial. It doesn’t last. Deep down in the heart and soul there is still a longing for something real and lasting. 

Here’s one reason why.

The person with all these new “toys”, these new “circumstances”, is still exactly the same person as before. If I am an angry, grumpy, selfish person, then a bigger house won’t suddenly make me peaceful, joyful and altruistic.

Perhaps that’s why we have life coaches, gurus, religious ministers. They focus on “personal growth.” Feeling happy starts with our self-belief. Are we comfortable in our own skin? What kind of a person am I?

Happiness flows from an internal integrity, a wholeness of spirit. Integrity simply means that we live by beliefs and values that are loving and truthful.

The quote is exact: happiness isn’t something we see. Happiness is something we are. It’s a quality of mind, heart and soul. Love is the key here. “It is in giving that we receive.” 

When we give love, and help others in their needs, then we feel happy inside. I don’t mean that arrogant feeling of “look at me, what a great person I am.” Such arrogance only comes from an immature, selfish person, shallow and unloving. 

Genuine giving is loving, peaceful, humble and happy. Yes, J.B.Sheerin’s quote has it exactly right:

Happiness is not from what we HAVE, nor from things that we SEE, but rather is in what we ARE

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Where are you at in the issue of happiness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Here’s what I believe. You’re a good person, worthy of love and respect. You deserve it. You’re a child of God. You’re beautiful in mind, body and spirit. So, let me repeat: learn to believe in yourself; learn to love yourself; and learn to trust yourself. 

But why do we even need to say this at all? Negative conditioning, ever since the day you were born!

Parents, teachers, siblings, authority figures of every kind. They feel obliged to point out the child’s weaknesses, failures, and even naughtyness. The child confuses its bad behaviour with being a bad person. 

The truth? Bad behaviour, yes; but good person – always. A religious saying I like is this: “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” That clear distinction throws light on the whole issue. The person may behave badly from time to time; that doesn’t destroy their essential goodness.

Perhaps that’s why Dr Spock, in this quote, tries to encourage people to trust themselves.

It’s as if he’s saying to them: 

“Look, don’t believe all that negative stuff you’ve heard about yourself. 

You’re not stupid. 

You’re an intelligent, good person, and you know far more than other people think. 

You don’t think you know very much, because you feel no-one ever listened to you, 

and that made you believe you’d nothing to say.”

Maybe you’re still carrying that early burden, deep in your mind: “I’m nobody really. Why should anyone listen to me? I’ve nothing much to offer.”

It’s just a horrible lie! And, deep down, even you know it’s just a lie. Reject this lie, and live your own truth. Trust your own mind. Trust your own heart. Trust your own spirit. God doesn’t make any rubbish, and you’re certainly not rubbish.

Look at the evidence. You haven’t gone through life without learning massively about all kinds of things. Not just information, but beliefs and values and social skills. 

You are far more than you give yourself credit for. Stop putting yourself down. Stop thinking you’re a stupid little nobody.

You were born to shine. You have much to offer. Many people out there need the help that only you can provide. As Dr Benjamin insists:

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How much do you trust yourself? Any issues? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

Often things work out very differently from what we had planned. The reason is clear. Life is unpredictable, and full of surprises. That’s why we can never guarantee success. So much is beyond our control. 

The result is a mixture of success and failure. We may not get everything we wanted. But not to worry! As Winston reminds us: success is not final, failure is not fatal.” Life goes on, we mature even more, and new horizons await.

The strange thing about success and failure is that they change as we grow old. It really is quite amazing how much our beliefs, values, goals, dreams and interests, evolve over a lifetime. As they change, so does our idea of success and failure.

I’ve certainly experienced that process. What I wanted at 20, then at 40, and again at 60 years of age were very different. Now that I’m over 80, I find things are still evolving. Success and failure, in terms of material prosperity, have very little to do with what life’s all about. 

We all have our own take on the “meaning of life.” However, I think we can all agree that basic human values should figure greatly. Values such as love, service, kindness, compassion, laughter, and song. 

As so many “successful” people have discovered, “money can’t buy happiness.” Life should be more about living our values as members of the one human family. That includes:

• how we relate with one another, 
• how united we are with our fellow human beings, 
• how we try to help one another. 

These values bring deep satisfaction, peace and joy. Of course, we all need money; just let’s not make a god of it. On the other hand life is often challenging, as we face life’s ups and downs.

As Winston says, we need courage to continue. Courage to seek and discover our best self, and then define and live success in those terms. I believe that “mid-life crises” are nothing more than a warning: things are about to change. Material values become less important, and authentic spiritual values start to come to the fore.

Winston is right: it takes great courage to continue. It’s not easy to wake up, aged 45, and ask “who am I?” Welcome to the midlife, internal voyage of self-discovery! What we will find out, hopefully, is that “becoming a better person” is not simply an empty slogan. It is the only route to a deep and lasting peace of mind and happiness.

It’s awesome to replace a certain young-age selfishness with a mature love of other people. It’s good to ponder these issues, and come to a new personal understanding of “success” and “failure.”

Why not ask yourself what success, failure and courage to continue mean for you?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your own experience of success and failure? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

We wouldn’t even think we were doing anything wrong. Thoughts of revenge, getting our own back, would fill our mind. Our mind would shout to us: “He deserves to be told off. He’s being horrible, and needs to be challenged.”

Most of us are brought up in a culture of self-defence. That’s why we spend trillions on weapons of self-defence as a nation. As kids, we taught to “stand up to the bullies.” We’re taught to be strong and decisive when facing unjustified negativity from anyone else. Many States justify carrying weapons of self-defence.

We are told that hatred is evil, and we must stand up to it wherever and whenever we encounter it. But there just maybe a better way: return love for hatred!

Many religions teach this. In our quote this week, we have Buddha’s take on the issue. A Christian need think no further than the words of Jesus, spoken as He hung on the cross, dying in excruciating agony.

He said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Perhaps most of us are at a low level of human growth and development: still novices in the great game of life, death and eternity. Every single religion on the planet, every decent atheist, agree that Love is the greatest of human values.

There is no greater height to which love can soar, than to love and forgive enemies. Perhaps only a tiny percentage have achieved these heights of love. Such a person genuinely loves the enemy, the person who hates them.

They want to help them move onwards and upwards from hatred. They know that only by returning love for hatred can they begin to chip away at their armour of hatred and rejection.

Human history is filled with people of such great love. Most of us struggle along the lowlands of life, unable to reach the dizzy heights of the rugged mountain path of awesome love.

Maybe we can begin this love journey anew. Try every possible strategy we know, to move on: from revenge and hatred, to love and forgiveness.

Where are you on this love journey? Where do you want to be? What’s your take on this issue?

Do you agree with the Buddha that love is “the eternal rule”?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How has life challenged you in love/hate? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

How many steps in a marathon?

According to Runners World magazine, it would take approximately 33,000 steps. Obviously no two people would take exactly the same. The power of small steps: that’s the message. That’s also the lesson of our quote this week.

This quote is not new to our ears; we’ve probably heard something like it many times over. In other words, it’s truly amazing how much we can achieve, by taking many small steps. Small steps often seem pointless, but if they are done relentlessly, day after day, year after year, then the result really can be “mountaneous.”

Another similar quote I’ve always liked, goes something like this: study anything for 15 minutes a day, and in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert. That makes 1,825 consecutive little study sessions! No wonder you’re already an expert!

When can you be relentless?

The key to success, then, is in that little word “relentless.” Not many people are relentless. Here’s why. We always discover a thousand compelling reasons why it’s not worth carrying on. Very often those reasons are nothing more than lame excuses. Truth is we get fed up, bored, interested in something else, the shine wears off, and then that terrible thing happens: we give up.

Of course we justify it to ourself. “I didn’t really give up, there was a good reason why it was no longer a worthwhile goal.” Or, terrified by the enormity of the goal, we decide that it’s impossible: perhaps like “moving the mountain” of our Chinese proverb.

“That’s insane”, we think, “who ever heard of moving a mountain?”

But what’s the result of this negative attitude? Failure, of course!

Goals in the trash?

Our life is littered with goals we have set ourselves, and for some reason they disappeared. I fight this problem every day. So many things to do, so many new goals that attract the attention. They seem much more important than the existing goals. 

There is of course a grain of truth in all of this, but we have to admit we often end up going round and round in circles. We’ll never achieve very much if we continuously stop and start, stop and start, not getting anywhere fast.

As a result we have a multitude of half-finished little projects, sadly resting in some forgotten corner.

Try a little more dogged perseverance

Perhaps not many of us can find that single-mindedness of purpose to achieve great things. However we might find it useful to remember this: a little dogged perseverance will pay rich dividends.

Now take a look at your own present situation. Does any of this resonate with you? Would you like to do something about it? Will you do something about it? 

Or maybe you’re a bit tired of it all. You’ll think up another feeble excuse, sit back and relax. That’s great too. We all need downtime.

But why let downtime be our greatest achievement?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How does the “little steps” strategy work for you? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

The quote emphasises that awareness is the starting point, the first step, for any change we make. This first step is crucial: we can’t solve a problem that we don’t even see.

The second step is equally important. Unless we accept the need for the change that we’re aware of, then nothing happens. This can be a huge problem for us. We know what we should do, everyone tells us we need to do it, but we refuse to do it: we do not accept it. 

How familiar does this sound to you? . . .

“Yeah, O.K., I know I should change, but I’m not ready, I don’t want to change, leave me alone, I’ll do it when I’m ready . . . and so on.” 

One massive step: from awareness to acceptance

The list of excuses, rationalisations, evasions, resistence, goes on and on. We’re brilliant at excusing ourselves, for all kinds of things that we should do, but never quite get round to.

I was talking to a middle-aged bloke the other day. He was a bit overweight and unfit; he even mentioned that he liked his drink too much. He admitted that he really should do something about it. But I’m not convinced he’ll follow through. His body language said it all: that look on his face, that tone in his voice, sounded all too familiar. It seemed he wasn’t ready to change.

Why does he hesitate? It’s not that he’s a bad guy, and he really would like to be fitter. After all, he played rugby for many years. Maybe he’s just so content with his present life-style, that he’s not ready for any challenging change. There are things in life, we like so much, that we never quite get round to changing them. 

Your big choice: Self-discipline versus Softness

We are all a bit soft, when it comes to self-discipline, aren’t we? How hard it is to get out of that beautiful armchair, push our back off that comfortable cushion, change our clothes, and get outside, and move! Yes, move a bit more! Go for a brisk walk, run, jog, climb, or even go to the gym, or even attend that evening class we promised ourselves we would. . .

That old sofa has made us soft, and sloppy about our health and wellbeing. Procrastination always gives it’s vote to the sofa:

“No worries,” it insists, “I’ll do it later,” as we push our back more firmly into that soft cushion. 

It reminds me of a book I read, many years ago: “The Cult of Softness.” It suggested that, as a society, we’ve all gone a bit soft, wallowing in ever more soft, comfortable and inviting surroundings. We settle for less than we should.

When “good” is actually not so “good”

Why do we settle for “Less” rather than our “Best”? Less is our greatest enemy, precisely because it’s already something good, not bad. It’s another case of “the good is the enemy of the better.” We can find a hundred reasons to stay with “good.”. 

“There’s nothing wrong with my life,” we insist, lying to ourselves, “I like it just the way it is. It’s good.”

Your life? Merely Average?

And so, the vast majority of the human race settle down, to a life of mediocrity. A life that is merely average, a life that’s way below what we’re capable of. We’re missing out on so much!

We know we could be happier, more fulfilled, if we aimed to be the best we can be. We always know that we could be doing a lot better, but we’ve refused to do it. That has to make us feel a bit bad about ourselves. 

Never mind, all is not lost. It’s never too late. We can do something about it. Tomorrow’s a new day; nothing’s written in stone: make a new start! The future’s always open to your own free choices.

Your life-coach: your mirror

I’m sure no-one likes being completely honest for once, looking in the mirror, and realising that the person, looking back at you, has let you down. The mirror stares back at you; there’s nowhere to hide; and then it speaks: 

“You’re better than this!”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your own little secret change; change that you haven’t actually made yet? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

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My first thought is to ask whether the personal relationships, referred to in this beautiful quote, are positive or negative. Positive relationships mean that we get on well with people. If we have negative relationships, then that tends to isolate us.

Obviously Ben is taking about positive relationships. The ability to get on well with other people is a golden quality, that oils the success wheels of all kinds of life ventures, where we have to work with other people.

What’s your boss like?

One huge area, where this personal relationship dimension is crucial, is in business. Most businesses are hierarchical, an authority pyramid, with different levels of responsibility for others. A key issue is how the boss treats their workers. Gone are the days when it was simply a matter of dictatorship. What the boss told you to do, you did it. If not, you got fired.

Let’s hope we’re a bit more advanced today. A boss who can command the respect, even the love of their workers, is the boss who builds a successful company. Human relations savvy is essential. Business success, of course, also depends on many other elements; elements such as how the market is doing, whether the product is good enough to compete with competitors, and so on. However . . .

Even if all these other elements are in place, a boss who can’t get on with their staff can undermine the whole business, and lead to failure. An unhappy workplace is a recipe for failure.

Happy Families?

Let’s take another area where relationships are key: families. Countless movies bear witness to what happens when family relationships go wrong. Their storylines depend on disagreements, fights, misunderstandings, etc. On the other hand, Romcoms bear witness to the beauty, joy and happiness that spring from positive relationships – at least by the end of the movie! Yes, “boy still gets girl.”

Politics and Them and Us

We could make a seemingly endless list of different areas of life, where positive relationships are essential, and yet often seem so hard to achieve. A massive area is politics, where the very fibre of political life seems to be a relentless “them and us” battleground.

Of course, this applies in so-called “democratic” countries; but is so much worse in countries still tied in to dictatorial regimes. Countries, where people have to obey like sheep, are hardly likely to result in “advancement, success and achievement” of our Ben Stein quote.

The matter becomes even worse, when we examine the relationship between different countries, especially when they have different models of leadership. That’s the obvious reason why we have so many wars, and today’s no different.

Is there a better, peaceful way?

Many philosophers and spiritual leaders today attempt a paradigm shift in our thinking. They help us to see that it’s possible to move from the duality of “them and us” to the “oneness” of us all. I fear they have a long, uphill struggle.

There are just so many “dualities” we still cling to in life. Dualities, where there are just two options to choose from: them and us, right or wrong, for or against, etc. We experience such dualism is race, religion, politics, rich and poor – to name just a few.

Will the day ever come when we see ourselves as family, as “brothers and sisters?” It’s a beautiful dream, but it seems a long way off.

Maybe you can help?

Maybe not in our lifetime. Utopia still seems an impossible dream. All we can do, as individuals, is to try to live that mindset within our little piece of the world: our family, our friends, and our local community.

How could you do even one little thing to move from division towards unity? What will you do today, tomorrow . . .?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How are Unity and Division working out in your life? Please let us know by leaving a comment.

What do you think Shaw had in mind in this quote? This question is essential; the quote is so general, it could be understood in many ways. You could change your mind about anything, and everything, in the Universe. The quote’s too general; we need to examine just one kind of change we might need to make.

Let’s focus on stubbornness. Why? Well, many of us have a stubborn streak. I certainly do. Maybe you do, too. What drives a stubborn attitude? I believe it’s pride. I don’t mean the justifiable pride you take in a hard-earned achievement. No, but the pride that is an exaggerated view of one’s own importance. Such people often think they’re better than everyone else!

Above all, pride always wants to be right. Pride hates to make a mistake. Let’s be honest; we hate it even more when others find out we made that mistake. Our pride is hurt. We feel angry and resentful, ready to lash out at the nearest person, especially someone we consider weaker than we are.

How to “lose friends and alienate people”

It’s easy to see why such a proud, stubborn person couldn’t change anything that needed other people’s vote! A proud person has very little influence on others. That proud attitude puts people off. The last thing they want to do is listen to what that proud, stubborn person wants. Such a person is the very last person able to “win friends, and influence people.”

A proud person clings to their own view of things. They have a closed mind. Their pride tells them they’ve nothing to learn from other people. Have you ever noticed something very interesting about such people? Their conversations are completely one-sided: their own side. They want to do all the talking.

You don’t even listen!

The proud person is passionate about telling others what’s right and wrong, true and false. Notice something very telling: proud people never listen. “My way or the highway,” seems to be their operating principle, and mindset. What’s the result of such interaction? They have shut themselves off from learning anything. They only talk about what they already believe.

If anyone else tells them something different, new, challenging, they are already miles away in their own mind. They are already rehearsing and repeating their own view of the matter. They have locked themselves into a mental prison. They cannot get out, and other people can’t get in.

Can you imagine how sad and lonely that must be? How much better it would be if they unlocked their little prison gates, and shut up for once, and just listened. They would learn so much, in so little time. Their world would expand overnight. It would be like walking in a new, exotic wonderland of the mind.

Delight in an open mind

Perhaps we could sum up the general sense of the quote in this way: have an open mind. An open mind enjoys a feast of learning, a feast of relationship with everyone they meet.

A closed mind learns nothing, gives nothing, enjoys nothing. A closed mind desperately needs a loving person to reach out, forgive him, accept him. A closed mind needs an open mind to love him, befriend him, and gradually open up his mind, to a new world of human sharing.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Have you any examples of stubborn people that you’d like to share? Please leave a comment  below.

“No-body’s perfect” is a cliche we’re all familiar with. No matter how much we change our life, our thinking, our values, our beliefs, our commitments, what we love, who we love, people we help. We’re never perfect. Perfection this side of the grave is an impossible target.

However, being better is possible. Everybody can be better. All of the above could be improved: our thoughts, values, beliefs, commitments, our love and service of others. 

Perhaps our biggest challenge is personal growth: to want to be better, to try to be better, to never give up on trying to be better.

Do we all give up too soon?

It seems to me that very many people give up too soon. Yes, they know they could be better in all sorts of ways. But they give up. “Enough’s enough”, they believe. They settle for much less than they could be. I bet you know some people like that.

Why do we do that? Great question! I’m sure there are as many answers as there are people. All we can do is look at a few common reasons for not doing more.

It seems to me that one reason is that we simply get tired of it all. Life’s challenging. We all have difficulties, problems, sickness, disappointments, betrayals, failures . . . the list goes on.

Just leave me alone, O.K.?

Maybe these problems can be so overwhelming that any talk of “ striving to be a better person” falls on deaf ears. “Just leave me alone in peace, I’m happy to settle for who I am at the moment.”

Even when we’re challenged by some inspirational person to do better, we may be unable to find the motivation.

What do you love most?

It all comes down to discovering what inspires you personally. What is your greatest passion in life? What do you love above all else? That is the best place to look for the motivation to keep on growing as a person.

Older and Wiser?

Age may have a lot to do with it. Our priorities keep on changing throughout life’s journey. I know that from my own lifelong experience, being well into the “third age.”

The most general way of describing this change, is a move from selfishness to other people.

It seems we grow spiritually over our lifetime. Material values tend to dominate our earlier life: finding a good job, finding a partner, making money for all our needs and wants. So much of this is about looking after number one. It’s natural and necessary.

Ongoing evolution

Later on into middle age and beyond a lot of our values tend to evolve and change. 

It’s not a black and white change of viewpoint. Rather it’s a gradual change that builds slowly and surely.

Stretching out to help others seems more important than it was. Our own material needs seem less important. In a word we grow into a more loving, giving, altruistic person. 

Esther Dyson is right to stress that we want things to be better.

The love challenge

The older we get, hopefully, the more we want ourself to be better.

We’ll never be a perfect human being, but we can always keep growing, deepening our love and service of others.

After all, I believe, love is what it’s all about anyway.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s evolved in your life? Please share your story with us. Leave a comment below.

We’ve heard it all a thousand times. “Keep going”, “don’t give up”, and the one I really like: “when the going get tough, the tough get going.” I’m sure we’d all agree that persistence achieves far more than giving up at the first hurdle. However, there seems to be a great problem hidden here. “Why?”

Yes, “why keep going”? The only answer, that seems clear, is that we believe that it’s worthwhile. Especially if hardship’s involved. Nobody likes doing difficult things, unless there is a clear prize at the end of the struggle. A bit like the old “stick and carrot.” The carrot is what we want, and we’re prepared to work and fight for it, because it will outweigh the effort to get it.

Discover your own persistence carrots

So, what’s your prize, your carrot? It has to be something you’re really passionate about. It could be anything at all. We human beings are motivated by a desire for every possible kind of carrot. The secret, of course, is to find the carrot that appeals to you.

Your carrot could be something very personal: maybe some of the so-called “good things” in life. When we’re setting out on life’s journey, we need to make our mark, discover who we are, what we want, what we need, what we crave.

Passionate giving as well?

As we mature on life’s journey, we grow up a bit more, think a bit less about our own needs, and begin to become aware of other people’s needs. Making a contribution suddenly seems to make sense, even something we feel called to do.

It is precisely all those needs, wants, desires – in a word, all those heartfelt passions – that become the driving force behind our perseverance. If we care enough about something, then we’ll strive for it, keep going, never give up, and see it to a happy conclusion.

It is so sad to witness some people, seemingly without much passion for life. They are lacking great passion, and so they drift through life, often bored, unhappy and even jealous of others who are successful. Without much passion for anything, they can even drift into all kinds of negative behaviour.

Finding that “perfect job”

That’s why I believe all those self-help authors, who insist that we simply must discover our passions. Passions? Yes, dreams, visions for your future, that will get you out of bed in the morning. Some even talk of discovering your “life passion” – that one special thing, that you want to dedicate your life to.

It is also sad to see so many people, trapped in a work life that they hate.

“I can’t stand this job, but it’s all there is, and I have a family to support.”

I’ve known people like that. There are no easy answers to such problems, and certainly there’s “no one size fits all” solutions.

The life-style you’ll really love

However, perhaps the first step is to realise that, with a little bit of effort, thought, and help from other loving people, there may well be a better life possible. There is a tendency to give up too easily, become pessimistic, and imagine it’s all hopeless. Maybe it’s not. It could be that it is precisely here that we need this quote: “persist as resolutely as you persist in eating.”

We persist in eating, because we have a strong passion for it: we’ll die if we don’t. Let’s also find that kind of passion for fulfilment, happiness, and a life-style we can love.

I believe that, for all of us, more is possible. Perhaps even living some of your dreams. You have the persistence deep within.

Find it, use it, and be happy.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.  I’d love to know what your carrot is? Tell us in the box below. Look forward to your comments.