Marathons are an excellent metaphor for the awesome power of the “little and often” success strategy. 

Why do we hate mosquitos? Because they can bite us “little and often”. In hot countries people have to sleep with mosquito nets. Just imagine the pain of waking up covered in mosquito bites!

The power of little and often is focus. It’s the same thing, little and often, that has the power. Yes, the power to make an impact, however you understand “impact.”

There’s nothing worse than having great energy, but splitting it up again and again. A whole rake of mediocre little things. Bit of this, bit if that, bit of the other. No focus. No perseverance. No personal growth. No success. No impact.

I love studying foreign languages. The problem is my lack of focus. Bit of Spanish, bit of Italian, bit of German, touch of French, a hint of Latin . . . even more! You get the picture.

Then when I’m confronted with having to speak that language with a foreigner, I mutter something like, “yes, well, I studied a few words, but I can’t really speak it.”

By the way, the oppositie extreme is also to be avoided. Not satisfied with knowing a basic 5,000 words, you are driven to learn a further 5,000 words.

Waste of precious time! 

You’ll never use more than a few percent of the second 5,000 words. Maybe nice for the ego, but of little practical use. It is, of course, the old “diminishing returns” nightmare. Massive investment, near zero returns!

Five thousand words in Spanish and 5,000 words in German would be much more useful than 10,000 words in Spanish.

Where do you fit in? You may even be “small” but you can make an impact, by having a clear focus, and then keeping at it. Personal growth guaranteed!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you make an impact? Like to share a thought? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

The result? Invariably the same. They forgot most of what they had learned. Five steps forward, four steps back. Progress was minimal, many got fed up and left the class. Very few persevered to the end.

However, there was a tiny minority that did study between the weekly classes. For them it was five steps forward, and then another three steps forward.

Do the Math.

Those who studied once a week made five steps forward minus four steps backwards. Equals one step forward. 

Those who studied in between classes made five steps forward plus another three steps forward. Equals eight steps forward!

That’s the awesome power of dedicated practice. These students were already winning eight to one after only one week.

I’m reminded of a famous quote I heard years ago. It went something like this: 

“If you study something for just 15 minutes every single day, in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert.”

So easy to give up, isn’t it? 

“Can’t be bothered”  

“I’ve got bored with it.”

“I’ve found something much more interesting.”

On and on, the lame excuses. We’ve all learned about the power of perseverance. We just need to ask ourselves why we fail to persevere.

It’s easy to make excuses. Blot out our conscience. Pretend it doesn’t really matter. That’s fine, if you want to stay the same, and never make much progress. Give up when so much more is possible.

How lazy are you? What are your excuses? Maybe you just need a little more humility to fess up, get over it, and then move on to achieve some of your goals.

No need to kill yourself trying. Just persevere. Little and often. Baby steps. Bit by bit. Say it any way you like, it’s the same strategy: “inch by inch it’s a cinch.”

I am reminded of the story character, who claimed he could jump to the top of a castle. Everyone thought he was crazy.

But he told them,

“It’s so easy. Find the steps, and then jump up them, one step at a time.”

You don’t have to do it all in one giant jump! 

As Ann Voskamp’s quote reminds us, practice makes perfect. It can even bring about something huge in the long run: transformation.

So, ask yourself: what are my goals? How much do I want them? 

Then take action. How? No problem; you already know perfectly well what to do.

Perhaps you will actually do it this time! I really hope so.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you procrastinate? Has it cost you? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

Or am I self-centred and selfish? What are the moral principles that guide my life? That is where we discover who a person really is. “Really” means deep down inside, rather than surface appearance.

Our moral principles and values are best seen in the choices we make. Do we choose good, bad or indifferent? Our choices are nothing more than our free-will in action: 

“This is what I want, this is what I choose to do, this is who I decide to be.” 

Even though there are many strong influences, pushing us to make certain choices, we are still in charge. We are always free to say “yes” or “no.”

Such deep seated moral values have little or nothing to do with our abilities. There is a huge difference between what I am able to do, and what kind of a person I choose to become. 

We’ve all heard of the spoilt genius. An extremely talented and gifted person, with extraordinary abilities, but who at the same time is not a very nice person.

Our abilities only demonstrate things we can do. Many abilities are natural;  we happen to be born with certain gifts. There are countless examples of naturally gifted people. Let’s take Olympic athletes. 

To be one of the best in the world, takes months and years of dedicated training. But that’s not all; they must have a natural ability out of the ordinary. Their inborn native ability lifts them head and shoulders above the rest.

However, those abilities say nothing about who that person is in their heart and soul. Yes, of course they have perseverance, determination, grit, and so on. But does that make them a nice person? 

Not necessarily. 

There are gifted people with great natural abilities, but that says nothing about their moral choices. These moral choices are a window on the heart and soul of the person.

It is only by looking at the free choices people make that we have an idea about who they really are. One of Jesus’ famous sayings refers to this very point: 

“By their fruits you shall know them.” 

The way we live our life gives an open window into our soul. External abilities say little or nothing about the moral, ethical choices we make. 

The choices our soul makes, reveal who we really are.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What are your abilities? How do you make choices? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

“Yes, well, they’re just being nice . . . but they don’t really mean it. Maybe they just want something. What are they after?” 

Fake niceness! Maybe that says a lot about our society. 

It’s possible to give a little in order to get what we want. People who deliberately manipulate others know this. They pretend friendship, kindness, giving . . . only in the hope of getting back what they want. They don’t really care about the other person. They’re using them for their own ends.

There is a better way. I believe we’re here on this planet to love, give, and contribute unselfishly. To make the world a better place: by helping others, sowing seeds of kindness, love and generosity. If your heart’s in the right place, others will be moved to grow in love as well.

As Dyer suggests: move on, change the way we look at people: they’re valued, fellow human beings. Think of the other person and their needs. The best way to change others is to change the way we treat them. As Gandhi famously said: “be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

The ideal is to be nice to someone, just because you want them to feel good. There’s no hidden agenda. You’ve moved on from total absorption in yourself. You’re not thinking about yourself. You want to give, give, give. You’re invited to live your highest and best self. It’s all about your values, your love, your personal commitment to “do the right thing.”

A loving world is a happy world. Senseless wars and violence could vanish, if only we embraced loving others, really caring about them as friends.

Dyer reminds us that it’s by changing and improving the way we treat other people, that they will automatically be changed for the better. You will have experienced this yourself. If someone does you a favour, your immediate response is, “That’s really nice of them.” You think better of them, and are far more likely to be loving to them in return.

The classical saying, “It is in giving that we receive” sums it up. Most people are not made of stone. They tend to respond in kind. Far better then to treat them well, positively, altruistically. They will be moved, perhaps even in spite of themselves, to respond in kind. 

If you change the way you look at people, they will also change. In a word: 

“We reap what we sow.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

How altruistic are you? What’s your experience? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

In fact, when you haven’t even experienced a higher positive level of self-behaviour, you are unaware that there is a better way. You don’t even know how to treat others. You don’t even know what’s the right way to behave, never mind how to do it. 

Like speaking a foreign language. If you haven’t learned it, then those foreigners will not be able to use it with you. They know they’ll be wasting their time.

When we don’t know how to treat others properly and appropriately, such lack of good behaviour gives no encouragement to others to treat you any differently.

It will be a rare, altruistic, loving person, who will not follow the poor level of your behaviour, but step up to their own level, and treat you much better than you treated them. You give them 10%, and they return 90%. 

It seems to be a common human tendency is to respond in kind. Give as good as you get. Tit for tat. Disrespect gets disrespect, friendly and open produces a similar response. It almost seems as if it’s in our DNA. 

This raises a very interesting question: do we all have an inbuilt tendency to mirror others? To build rapport, and get on their wavelength? Many other common sayings seem to suggest that this is our experience:

“Birds of a feather flock together”

“We can tell who you are by the company you keep.”

“We feel comfortable in the company of similar people.”

“We all seek our own tribe.”

Let’s take a common everyday example. A man gives up alcohol. That alone can mean that he’s no longer part of his tribe at the local pub. 

He has set himself a standard that doesn’t fit in with the others. Strained relationships! The drinkers start to feel bad every time they buy another round of drinks, and their friend is the odd man out.

Our own self-behaviour sets the standard – invites, permits, the same from others. So let’s make it as positive as we can. Why not? If we do, then good things happen:

Self-respect leads to receiving respect from others;

Self-acceptance leads to receiving acceptance from others;

Self-esteem leads to receiving esteem from others;

Self-love leads to receiving love from others;

Self-belief leads to receiving belief from others.

In a nutshell: treat yourself positively, and others will raise their game, and try their best to return their own version of positivity.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

“Actions speak louder than words”

“Words are cheap, action is what counts”

“Promises, promises, broken promises politics”

“Walk your talk.”

We’ve all heard of these well-known sayings. The message is the same: just do what you say you’ll do. Let’s take a few well-known examples.

Very often we see the Nations of the world agreeing Peace agreements: inspiring words. Unfortunately the peace often collapses, as the agreed actions simply don’t happen.

We witness the same contradiction in many committee meetings. There is much talk, and endless discussions, but few decisions.

Or take the example of religion. Why are there so many people put off religion? If we ask them, we discover that hypocrisy is one of the biggest criticisms. Religious Hypocrisy: saying one thing, but doing another.

“They go to church every Sunday, and think that makes them good Christians. Well, I know many of them, and they don’t live like Christians at all.” 

Yet again, fine words spoken to God on Sunday, but not actually carried out in the rest of the week.

Another deeply personal example: Christian priests! I feel ashamed to admit that I’m a retired Catholic priest. The Church I love has been crucified by pedophile priests. The very ones, who should live out their beliefs and words, have wallowed in the mud of sin. But that’s not the half of it!

What is ten times worse: the cover-up by Church authorities. Finally compelled to own up to their abominable actions, they have made all kinds of promises. 

Again we are forced to ask: will the Church follow up on their fine words? Many feel there has been very little real action so far. We witness rampant hypocrisy: yet again, fine words, but horrible actions, cover-up, authorities in denial.

Jesus’ harshest criticisms were for hypocrites.  He detested hypocrisy, This is what we read in Matthew 23:27-28:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

Another text: “Not everyone who says Lord, Lord, will enter Heaven, but he who does the Will of My Father.”

We read in Mark 7:6:  Jesus replied, Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

Yes, action is what counts, not just promises, nice words and a heart full of hypocrisy.

As John Maxwell says in today’s quote:   “Actions are remembered long after words are forgotten.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

This question has traditionally divided some Christians. Some see God as doing it all. All you need is Faith. Just believe and ask. “Ask and you shall receive. . .”

Others say that “God helps those who help themselves.” James warns us that “faith without good works is dead.” This week’s quote suggests that God’s guidance happens only with our willing co-operation and collaboration.

So, where does that leave us? Who’s right? Is it Faith alone? Or Faith expressed in Good Works?

Let’s take an example. Your mother has a heart attack, and is seriously ill. “Please God, don’t let her die! Not now! Not yet!” We plead with God, over and over again. The whole family is in tears. 

That’s a brilliant response, exactly what we should do as Christians. But, is that all? Just sit and wait for God to get on with it? Perhaps not.

But if not, then where does that leave us? What else is needed? If prayer’s not enough, then what? In our example, we would immediately call the emergency ambulance. I’m sure there’s not a single religious person in the world who wouldn’t also call the ambulance.

What’s that saying? To me, the answer is quite clear: God expects us to co-operate and collaborate with Him. Do everything humanly possible. God’s given us brains, intelligence, creativity; and He fully expects us to use them, lovingly and wisely. 

God rejoices in those He has called into the medical profession, those who dedicate their life to serving the sick and dying. Would anyone dare suggest that they are acting against God, denying faith, leaving God out of the picture?

Experience teaches us clearly the ordinary way for healing to happen. We are called by God to apply everything we know that helps to cure people. Of course, miracles do happen. However, they tend to be extraordinary Divine interventions, where God steps in and heals the sick person.

Both are needed. “FAITH” in God, and the “GOOD WORKS” of the medical profession. There’s no need to become stuck in an “either/or” conundrum. We don’t have to choose between two competing remedies. Both are needed.

I once heard it expressed this way: “Believe, as if everything depended on God; and work, as if everything depended on you.”

So, let’s sum it all up: 

Yes, of course God will “guide your footsteps”, but don’t just stand there!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own healing experience ? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

A person of unconditional love is a rare species. They stand head and shoulders above the rest of us. One thinks of Jane Bennet in “Pride and Prejudice” – so loving that she thought the best of everyone. She had a heart filled with love and concern for others, whatever their faults and failings. 

Most of us, unfortunately, find it hard to follow such a towering example. Our spiritual growth is stunted. The problem is our selfishness: ME first. Our automatic pilot forever whispers in our ear: 

“What’s in it for me?”

We are all so wrapped up in ourselves, most of the time, that we live by self-interest. We spend all day with our mind filled with what we want. It’s like background music; not necessarily the main focus, but relentlessly present.

It’s so difficult to forget our self-interest, and to focus all our heart and soul on another person, and how we can help them. Life runs on our relationships. They are key to our personal growth. Life’s all about love, kindness, compassion for others.

Perhaps the fundamental religious attitude of “love your neighbour as yourself” helps us to put things in perspective.

We all automatically love, and take care of ourselves — unless of course we’re suffering from a self-hating psychological illness. We should feel that loving drive about caring for others.

The famous “Golden Rule” teaches the same lesson: you yourself are the criterion for how you should treat others. Would you do that to yourself? Would you like others to do that to you? No? Well, then, you don’t do it to anyone else. What good things would you like? Then help your neighbour to have them as well. Again, life’s about love.

For example: people who’ve experienced “near-death experiences” (and there are thousands of well documented cases) all speak of their experience of overwhelming love “on the other side.” It convinces them that love’s where it’s at.

The paradox of love is simply this: the more we give to others, unselfishly, the more we get back. I am reminded of that other well-known little saying:

“Kindness if hardest thing in the world to give away, because it’s always returned.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true: the more selfish we are, the less we receive. People are put off by selfish people, those who are just out for themselves. 

Sadly, selfish people often end up lonely. Why not give real love a chance? No regrets later on.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Any thoughts on love and selfishness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It could really help others.

Much better a saintly uneducated person than a person with multiple degrees and a selfish heart.

Of course, what Aristotle is suggesting is that we do both. Perhaps he says this because so often education focusses almost exclusively on knowledge, or very little on life wisdom.

So the question arises: how to we also educate the heart? What is it anyway? 

Education of the heart seems to mean helping us to love and serve the right things. These right things above all include how we treat other people. Aristotle knows that the most important thing we can do in life is learn how to get on with people. As Dale Carnegie said so many years ago: it’s all about “how to win friends and influence people.”

The most important dimension of our life simply has to be human relationships. All the education in the world will seem meaningless if we live a lonely, isolated life, devoid of nourishing human company and fellowship.

Perhaps we need great teachers of human relationships as well as schools and universities. I’m sure that’s the role traditionally occupied by parents for their children, and religion for everybody. Unfortunatelt religion has, by and large, let us down, massively. 

We have witnessed so many religious leaders in recent years who have torn our hearts apart with their infamous behaviour, rather than inspire us to higher spiritual values. I personally feel this deeply, as I am a retired clergyman. We all demand, and quite rightly, that the beautiful heart values taught from the pulpit, should be reflected in the ongoing behaviour of the preacher himself.

If religion is not doing its job, then who do we turn to for “heart education”? Perhaps that where the huge “personal growth/self-help” market comes in to play. All this popular psychology attempts to teach some values, as well as material success strategies. Indeed such literature often insists that material success is impossible without heart values.

As the quote reminds us, the human race has always realised that authentic education has to speak to the whole person, mind, heart and soul. Ancient religions, ancient philosophers, ancient gurus knew this only too well. Aristotle of course is a classic example, as we see in this quote.

I’m afraid that the evidence we have here in the Western world suggests that we have tipped the balance far too much in the direction of mind, very often at the expense of heart. Yes, both knowledge and heart are great human dimensions to develop.

If one had to choose between them, then perhaps we should choose heart rather than mind.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s your feeling about education? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Why is happiness so difficult to pin down?  Let’s see what our quote suggests:

It states: happiness is not in external things (circumstances), but rather is a quality within the human being. Happiness flows from within us, not from things out there. 

Some people still think money can buy happiness. Money buys things, stuff, physical objects, experiences. They can give pleasure. The problem: it’s often superficial. It doesn’t last. Deep down in the heart and soul there is still a longing for something real and lasting. 

Here’s one reason why.

The person with all these new “toys”, these new “circumstances”, is still exactly the same person as before. If I am an angry, grumpy, selfish person, then a bigger house won’t suddenly make me peaceful, joyful and altruistic.

Perhaps that’s why we have life coaches, gurus, religious ministers. They focus on “personal growth.” Feeling happy starts with our self-belief. Are we comfortable in our own skin? What kind of a person am I?

Happiness flows from an internal integrity, a wholeness of spirit. Integrity simply means that we live by beliefs and values that are loving and truthful.

The quote is exact: happiness isn’t something we see. Happiness is something we are. It’s a quality of mind, heart and soul. Love is the key here. “It is in giving that we receive.” 

When we give love, and help others in their needs, then we feel happy inside. I don’t mean that arrogant feeling of “look at me, what a great person I am.” Such arrogance only comes from an immature, selfish person, shallow and unloving. 

Genuine giving is loving, peaceful, humble and happy. Yes, J.B.Sheerin’s quote has it exactly right:

Happiness is not from what we HAVE, nor from things that we SEE, but rather is in what we ARE

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Where are you at in the issue of happiness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

We wouldn’t even think we were doing anything wrong. Thoughts of revenge, getting our own back, would fill our mind. Our mind would shout to us: “He deserves to be told off. He’s being horrible, and needs to be challenged.”

Most of us are brought up in a culture of self-defence. That’s why we spend trillions on weapons of self-defence as a nation. As kids, we taught to “stand up to the bullies.” We’re taught to be strong and decisive when facing unjustified negativity from anyone else. Many States justify carrying weapons of self-defence.

We are told that hatred is evil, and we must stand up to it wherever and whenever we encounter it. But there just maybe a better way: return love for hatred!

Many religions teach this. In our quote this week, we have Buddha’s take on the issue. A Christian need think no further than the words of Jesus, spoken as He hung on the cross, dying in excruciating agony.

He said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Perhaps most of us are at a low level of human growth and development: still novices in the great game of life, death and eternity. Every single religion on the planet, every decent atheist, agree that Love is the greatest of human values.

There is no greater height to which love can soar, than to love and forgive enemies. Perhaps only a tiny percentage have achieved these heights of love. Such a person genuinely loves the enemy, the person who hates them.

They want to help them move onwards and upwards from hatred. They know that only by returning love for hatred can they begin to chip away at their armour of hatred and rejection.

Human history is filled with people of such great love. Most of us struggle along the lowlands of life, unable to reach the dizzy heights of the rugged mountain path of awesome love.

Maybe we can begin this love journey anew. Try every possible strategy we know, to move on: from revenge and hatred, to love and forgiveness.

Where are you on this love journey? Where do you want to be? What’s your take on this issue?

Do you agree with the Buddha that love is “the eternal rule”?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How has life challenged you in love/hate? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

My first thought is to ask whether the personal relationships, referred to in this beautiful quote, are positive or negative. Positive relationships mean that we get on well with people. If we have negative relationships, then that tends to isolate us.

Obviously Ben is taking about positive relationships. The ability to get on well with other people is a golden quality, that oils the success wheels of all kinds of life ventures, where we have to work with other people.

What’s your boss like?

One huge area, where this personal relationship dimension is crucial, is in business. Most businesses are hierarchical, an authority pyramid, with different levels of responsibility for others. A key issue is how the boss treats their workers. Gone are the days when it was simply a matter of dictatorship. What the boss told you to do, you did it. If not, you got fired.

Let’s hope we’re a bit more advanced today. A boss who can command the respect, even the love of their workers, is the boss who builds a successful company. Human relations savvy is essential. Business success, of course, also depends on many other elements; elements such as how the market is doing, whether the product is good enough to compete with competitors, and so on. However . . .

Even if all these other elements are in place, a boss who can’t get on with their staff can undermine the whole business, and lead to failure. An unhappy workplace is a recipe for failure.

Happy Families?

Let’s take another area where relationships are key: families. Countless movies bear witness to what happens when family relationships go wrong. Their storylines depend on disagreements, fights, misunderstandings, etc. On the other hand, Romcoms bear witness to the beauty, joy and happiness that spring from positive relationships – at least by the end of the movie! Yes, “boy still gets girl.”

Politics and Them and Us

We could make a seemingly endless list of different areas of life, where positive relationships are essential, and yet often seem so hard to achieve. A massive area is politics, where the very fibre of political life seems to be a relentless “them and us” battleground.

Of course, this applies in so-called “democratic” countries; but is so much worse in countries still tied in to dictatorial regimes. Countries, where people have to obey like sheep, are hardly likely to result in “advancement, success and achievement” of our Ben Stein quote.

The matter becomes even worse, when we examine the relationship between different countries, especially when they have different models of leadership. That’s the obvious reason why we have so many wars, and today’s no different.

Is there a better, peaceful way?

Many philosophers and spiritual leaders today attempt a paradigm shift in our thinking. They help us to see that it’s possible to move from the duality of “them and us” to the “oneness” of us all. I fear they have a long, uphill struggle.

There are just so many “dualities” we still cling to in life. Dualities, where there are just two options to choose from: them and us, right or wrong, for or against, etc. We experience such dualism is race, religion, politics, rich and poor – to name just a few.

Will the day ever come when we see ourselves as family, as “brothers and sisters?” It’s a beautiful dream, but it seems a long way off.

Maybe you can help?

Maybe not in our lifetime. Utopia still seems an impossible dream. All we can do, as individuals, is to try to live that mindset within our little piece of the world: our family, our friends, and our local community.

How could you do even one little thing to move from division towards unity? What will you do today, tomorrow . . .?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How are Unity and Division working out in your life? Please let us know by leaving a comment.

What do you think Shaw had in mind in this quote? This question is essential; the quote is so general, it could be understood in many ways. You could change your mind about anything, and everything, in the Universe. The quote’s too general; we need to examine just one kind of change we might need to make.

Let’s focus on stubbornness. Why? Well, many of us have a stubborn streak. I certainly do. Maybe you do, too. What drives a stubborn attitude? I believe it’s pride. I don’t mean the justifiable pride you take in a hard-earned achievement. No, but the pride that is an exaggerated view of one’s own importance. Such people often think they’re better than everyone else!

Above all, pride always wants to be right. Pride hates to make a mistake. Let’s be honest; we hate it even more when others find out we made that mistake. Our pride is hurt. We feel angry and resentful, ready to lash out at the nearest person, especially someone we consider weaker than we are.

How to “lose friends and alienate people”

It’s easy to see why such a proud, stubborn person couldn’t change anything that needed other people’s vote! A proud person has very little influence on others. That proud attitude puts people off. The last thing they want to do is listen to what that proud, stubborn person wants. Such a person is the very last person able to “win friends, and influence people.”

A proud person clings to their own view of things. They have a closed mind. Their pride tells them they’ve nothing to learn from other people. Have you ever noticed something very interesting about such people? Their conversations are completely one-sided: their own side. They want to do all the talking.

You don’t even listen!

The proud person is passionate about telling others what’s right and wrong, true and false. Notice something very telling: proud people never listen. “My way or the highway,” seems to be their operating principle, and mindset. What’s the result of such interaction? They have shut themselves off from learning anything. They only talk about what they already believe.

If anyone else tells them something different, new, challenging, they are already miles away in their own mind. They are already rehearsing and repeating their own view of the matter. They have locked themselves into a mental prison. They cannot get out, and other people can’t get in.

Can you imagine how sad and lonely that must be? How much better it would be if they unlocked their little prison gates, and shut up for once, and just listened. They would learn so much, in so little time. Their world would expand overnight. It would be like walking in a new, exotic wonderland of the mind.

Delight in an open mind

Perhaps we could sum up the general sense of the quote in this way: have an open mind. An open mind enjoys a feast of learning, a feast of relationship with everyone they meet.

A closed mind learns nothing, gives nothing, enjoys nothing. A closed mind desperately needs a loving person to reach out, forgive him, accept him. A closed mind needs an open mind to love him, befriend him, and gradually open up his mind, to a new world of human sharing.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Have you any examples of stubborn people that you’d like to share? Please leave a comment  below.

“No-body’s perfect” is a cliche we’re all familiar with. No matter how much we change our life, our thinking, our values, our beliefs, our commitments, what we love, who we love, people we help. We’re never perfect. Perfection this side of the grave is an impossible target.

However, being better is possible. Everybody can be better. All of the above could be improved: our thoughts, values, beliefs, commitments, our love and service of others. 

Perhaps our biggest challenge is personal growth: to want to be better, to try to be better, to never give up on trying to be better.

Do we all give up too soon?

It seems to me that very many people give up too soon. Yes, they know they could be better in all sorts of ways. But they give up. “Enough’s enough”, they believe. They settle for much less than they could be. I bet you know some people like that.

Why do we do that? Great question! I’m sure there are as many answers as there are people. All we can do is look at a few common reasons for not doing more.

It seems to me that one reason is that we simply get tired of it all. Life’s challenging. We all have difficulties, problems, sickness, disappointments, betrayals, failures . . . the list goes on.

Just leave me alone, O.K.?

Maybe these problems can be so overwhelming that any talk of “ striving to be a better person” falls on deaf ears. “Just leave me alone in peace, I’m happy to settle for who I am at the moment.”

Even when we’re challenged by some inspirational person to do better, we may be unable to find the motivation.

What do you love most?

It all comes down to discovering what inspires you personally. What is your greatest passion in life? What do you love above all else? That is the best place to look for the motivation to keep on growing as a person.

Older and Wiser?

Age may have a lot to do with it. Our priorities keep on changing throughout life’s journey. I know that from my own lifelong experience, being well into the “third age.”

The most general way of describing this change, is a move from selfishness to other people.

It seems we grow spiritually over our lifetime. Material values tend to dominate our earlier life: finding a good job, finding a partner, making money for all our needs and wants. So much of this is about looking after number one. It’s natural and necessary.

Ongoing evolution

Later on into middle age and beyond a lot of our values tend to evolve and change. 

It’s not a black and white change of viewpoint. Rather it’s a gradual change that builds slowly and surely.

Stretching out to help others seems more important than it was. Our own material needs seem less important. In a word we grow into a more loving, giving, altruistic person. 

Esther Dyson is right to stress that we want things to be better.

The love challenge

The older we get, hopefully, the more we want ourself to be better.

We’ll never be a perfect human being, but we can always keep growing, deepening our love and service of others.

After all, I believe, love is what it’s all about anyway.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. What’s evolved in your life? Please share your story with us. Leave a comment below.

We’ve heard it all a thousand times. “Keep going”, “don’t give up”, and the one I really like: “when the going get tough, the tough get going.” I’m sure we’d all agree that persistence achieves far more than giving up at the first hurdle. However, there seems to be a great problem hidden here. “Why?”

Yes, “why keep going”? The only answer, that seems clear, is that we believe that it’s worthwhile. Especially if hardship’s involved. Nobody likes doing difficult things, unless there is a clear prize at the end of the struggle. A bit like the old “stick and carrot.” The carrot is what we want, and we’re prepared to work and fight for it, because it will outweigh the effort to get it.

Discover your own persistence carrots

So, what’s your prize, your carrot? It has to be something you’re really passionate about. It could be anything at all. We human beings are motivated by a desire for every possible kind of carrot. The secret, of course, is to find the carrot that appeals to you.

Your carrot could be something very personal: maybe some of the so-called “good things” in life. When we’re setting out on life’s journey, we need to make our mark, discover who we are, what we want, what we need, what we crave.

Passionate giving as well?

As we mature on life’s journey, we grow up a bit more, think a bit less about our own needs, and begin to become aware of other people’s needs. Making a contribution suddenly seems to make sense, even something we feel called to do.

It is precisely all those needs, wants, desires – in a word, all those heartfelt passions – that become the driving force behind our perseverance. If we care enough about something, then we’ll strive for it, keep going, never give up, and see it to a happy conclusion.

It is so sad to witness some people, seemingly without much passion for life. They are lacking great passion, and so they drift through life, often bored, unhappy and even jealous of others who are successful. Without much passion for anything, they can even drift into all kinds of negative behaviour.

Finding that “perfect job”

That’s why I believe all those self-help authors, who insist that we simply must discover our passions. Passions? Yes, dreams, visions for your future, that will get you out of bed in the morning. Some even talk of discovering your “life passion” – that one special thing, that you want to dedicate your life to.

It is also sad to see so many people, trapped in a work life that they hate.

“I can’t stand this job, but it’s all there is, and I have a family to support.”

I’ve known people like that. There are no easy answers to such problems, and certainly there’s “no one size fits all” solutions.

The life-style you’ll really love

However, perhaps the first step is to realise that, with a little bit of effort, thought, and help from other loving people, there may well be a better life possible. There is a tendency to give up too easily, become pessimistic, and imagine it’s all hopeless. Maybe it’s not. It could be that it is precisely here that we need this quote: “persist as resolutely as you persist in eating.”

We persist in eating, because we have a strong passion for it: we’ll die if we don’t. Let’s also find that kind of passion for fulfilment, happiness, and a life-style we can love.

I believe that, for all of us, more is possible. Perhaps even living some of your dreams. You have the persistence deep within.

Find it, use it, and be happy.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.  I’d love to know what your carrot is? Tell us in the box below. Look forward to your comments.

Let’s admit it. We often like having a little moan, about the things in life we don’t like. That’s a very common, very human reaction. We start complaining, having a go, maybe even having a bit of a rant. Or even a big rant!

Great. You feel much calmer, after “getting it off your chest”, as they say? O.K. so far so good, you may think. But ask yourself: “what else have I achieved?”

Nothing at all. You haven’t changed anything to do with whatever it is you’re not happy about.

We’re all a bit like that, aren’t we? Reminds me of the old saying: “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot hurt me.” Neither do words alone change anything you feel is not right. However . . .

Feel your complaint enough to be inspired

Maybe a word, but in the right ear, might actually achieve something. Maybe you can change it after all!  That’s what Maya is saying in this quote: Please don’t just have a useless little rant. Sit down. Calm down. Put on your thinking cap, and then make a list of all the possible ways you could help change it – whatever the “it” is.

Of course, making a list of possible actions is not enough. We need to analyse them carefully: look at the pros and cons of each, and then decide what exactly you’re going to do. And when you can do it! Then just do it!

That’s one way to change things. Be proactive, believe you can achieve far more than your inbuilt negativity allows. Yes. You too really can make a difference.

The power of the team approach

If the course of action seems too much for you, then adopt the strategy that all “shakers and movers” use. They get other people on board, form a little team, believe that “two heads are better than one”, and work to bring about the change they feel is needed.

The second part of the quote is equally challenging. It tells of an all too common experience: there’s nothing we can do about it. The action needed to change things may be way out of our league. I must confess I feel that way about so many tragic things going on in the world. War and famine, seemingly part of our broken humanity’s DNA. “What the heck can I do about Syria?” – to take a current example.

Be realistic in what you can achieve

So Maya suggests “change your attitude.” Perhaps she is simply suggesting not to worry yourself, into an early grave, over something utterly beyond your control. As they say, “you can’t take the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

So, maybe it’s just a question of accepting the fact that we live in a very primitive world, and trying to do our best in the tiny fraction of it that’s within our reach. Suffering and death are facts of life, whether we like it or not. We all suffer, we all die. We just try to make a difference where and when we can.

At the very least, let’s all decide that it’s better to be a part of the solution, than part of the problem. Yes, much better – even if our contribution to the wider world is minuscule, when judged on a cosmic scale.

What about the situation, where we don’t like something about ourselves that we can’t change. Let’s say you’ve got cancer. My brother had terminal cancer, he just adopted a very positive attitude, and did the best he could, never complaining. His attitude was to spend the time he had left, as best he could, with family and friends. I was lucky, I was cured of prostate cancer, and so far it hasn’t come back. My attitude is one of gratitude, and thanks to God, for my ongoing health.

As Maya says, if you can’t change something then, at very least, adopt a more positive attitude towards it. You’ll feel much happier.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How have you helped, in some small way, to “change the world?” How have your attitudes changed in those matters outside of your control? Please tell us, and share a comment below.

This quotation suggests a radical difference between being clever and being wise. To me, it would seem that, what he means is, that being clever may stop short at amassing information. However, information alone is  not enough.

We also need wisdom, having a good idea how best to use that information. We need to move on from merely clever, and become wise.

Life’s winners and losers

Being wise provides exactly what can be missing in mere cleverness. A wise person knows that information on its own is like having a lot of money, but now knowing how to spend it. I’m sure there are many people who come into money, and then squander it on silly and selfish things.

They only wake up when they’ve spent it all, and realise too late that there were many much better ways they could, and perhaps, should have spent it. They become “wise after the event.”

Classic examples, of course, are some people who win the lottery, and suddenly have an obscene amount of money. We imagine they’re “lucky.” Often, however, they go a bit mad, and suffer a kind of temporary insanity.

They go off and engage in a crazy spending spree, throwing money around, as if it were confetti. After a few months of such extravagance, they’re back to where they started. Were they “lucky”? Perhaps that’s when the regrets begin.

Knowledge is like that, yes we can pile it up in our heads, gain more everyday, but it’s wasted if it’s not put to good use.

Who can change the world?

So, can being clever change the world? Perhaps a merely clever person might be able to change some things. They could start a business, have money savvy, and make a profit. The product they’re selling could very well help a lot of people. They do change the world in some way.

However, perhaps they can’t analyse some really important changes that need to be made, and could be made. Wisdom is surely needed for that. A wise person knows how to use their knowledge to help other people. True wisdom includes generosity, service, altruism.

One who is clever, but without wisdom, may tend to be more selfish. Then again, they may not be selfish at all. Which raises the question: how does one grow knowledge into wisdom? One way that springs to mind is to make good use of a wise mentor, a role model that can add a wise dimension to a knowledgeable but immature person.

Start by changing yourself

This ties in with the last part of the quote. First, we need to change ourselves, before we can successfully change the “world” – in other words, before we can truly “win friends and influence people.” The classic advice of Gandhi springs to mind:

“be the change yourself that you wish to see in others.”

Perhaps another way of looking at the difference, is to realise that being clever may just be book knowledge. True wisdom springs from hard-earned life skills. All the priceless learning that comes from being with other people in different situations, and taking on board the lessons learned.

One sees an example of this in some TV survival programmes. It’s not always the clever guy that copes best. Often the one that shines is the ordinary man or woman with plenty of life skills. People who are wise, who know how to apply their knowledge, and work as a team.

Remember wise old Dale Carnegie?

It is a marvellous thing to want to change the world. Just make sure, it would seem, that you’ve become wise, dealing with people and knowing how best to work with them. Dale Carnegie, the wise old master, spells it out brilliantly, in his classic book “How to win friends and influence people”

He explains how to be a wise and useful member of society, how to make friends and be a person of authentic influence.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Love to hear from you about your experience of using knowledge wisely. Please leave your comments.

Yes! That’s a big question: is change always good? The quote states clearly that if we don’t change things then they’ll decay. However, it seems Harold’s only talking about certain kinds of change. Obviously many changes can be bad. Maybe that was your immediate reaction too: “of course change is not always good; we’ve all heard of things getting worse.”

I agree, there can be both good and bad changes. Change for the better yes; but also change for going backwards. Just think of countless bad changes, in so many countries, over the last few years. What do we see? Hatred and killing running rife. Millions displaced, persecuted, homeless, hungry, sad, lonely and bereaved. No way is that “change for the better.”

Let’s get real! That can’t possibly be what the quote refers to.

Good and bad political change

So, what on earth is Harold Wilson, ex-Prime Minister, talking about? To me it seems obvious he’s only talking about positive change, political change for the better. He speaks of “progress.” That’s his job as Prime Minister. That’s why he’s elected; people believe politicians’ endless promises to make things better.

What about the person who “rejects change”? Is that person “the architect of decay”? Perhaps what Harold is thinking about is political changes, designed to improve people’s lives in some way. The other lot, the opposition, are always compelled to disagree – almost as a matter of principle – and argue against the proposed change.

Therefore if the proposal is rejected, then from the Prime Minister’s perspective nothing’s going to change, and things are going to carry on as before, worse than they could be, and therefore in a state of “decay.”

We’ve always done it this way

Perhaps there’s another way of looking at the quote, beyond the political perspective of the ruling party. In all kinds of situations in life, business, and many others, there’s an almost inbuilt resistance to change. The classic phrase is always something like this:

“We’ve always done it this way, it works OK, so why would we want to change it?”

That indeed is a major problem. If everybody had lived and died by that attitude, we’d still be in the stone age. All creativity, every advance, the engine of growth is change for the better. The very definition of creativity is a jump forward, often out of the blue, made by someone who already knows everything about that issue, and yet still believes more is possible.

Really big changes

Sometimes we experience a touch of magic: a paradigm shift. That is to say, a radical new way of looking at an issue, field of knowledge, or present understanding of an area of human life. All the pieces fit together much better with the new overall understanding. That’s how knowledge has exploded over the past few hundred years, and even seems to be accelerating these days.

Even at a personal level, we all change and evolve throughout our lives. It’s in our DNA. All nature is a constant dance of change and death and new growth. If we fight against change, then we become  robotic; like a movie character, that always behaves exactly the same way every time we watch the movie.

Change a mixed bag

Change is a natural part of life. Is it always good? Not at all; it’s always a mixed bag. We get some things right and grow; we also get some things wrong, and our progress is stalled. Change seems to me like almost everything in life: a mixture of black and white, good and bad, helpful and unhelpful.

In fact, change is even more complex: black, grey and white. Perhaps even a continuum, between black and white. There always seem to be so many possibilities.

There always seem to be many sides to every question. Therefore we must think deeply, about when to change, and when to leave well alone. There are no simple answers.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.  What are your thoughts, what does change mean to you?

Many men have been challenged, by their wife, for failing to do something that she sees as important. This could be the wife’s complaint:

“Excuses, excuses! All I hear from you is excuses!“

How many times have we all heard that one? Maybe we’ve even  been the person told off!

It’s so true isn’t it? Life is full of excuses; and what’s the inevitable result? Countless things get left undone, that should have been done. It’s a huge temptation for every one of us. We often hear words such as these:

“It wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t help it.”

“Why not?”

That’s when the excuses begin:

“Well, this happened; that stopped me; I didn’t have such and such.”

On and on flow the excuses, one after another. Why are we so weak in this way?

Not rocket science, is it? Why do we make excuses? Because we all detest being wrong. We all hate to admit we’ve failed. We never want to suffer the shame of blame. We refuse to accept responsibility.

So, whose fault is it then, that it didn’t get done? Who, or what, do we blame?

The quote from Thomas Carlyle hits the nail on the head: circumstances are to blame!

Have we any control over circumstances?

So, is Carlyle right or wrong? Are we at the mercy of circumstances? Or is it rather that we ourselves create the circumstances, and therefore must accept responsibility for what we do?

Like most things in life, it’s not a simple yes or no. It’s a bit of both.

Yes, of course, we are creatures of circumstances, to a certain extent. There are countless things, all around us in life, that are beyond our control. Therefore they stop us from doing all kinds of things, we might want to do.

Take the neighbourhood, for example, or the country where you’re brought up. That circumstance, that environment, can have a massive influence on who, and what, you become.

But that’s not the end of the story, is it? Why not? Because, as we know very well, we all have free-will.

Personal Freedom versus circumstances

We have the power of personal choice. We can decide how we live our life, what we think, what we do, what we love, what we hate. Circumstances do challenge our choices, but they never destroy our personal freedom.

There are so many living examples of people, who learn to overcome the circumstances of their birth and upbringing. They start to take better control of their life. They choose a better way; so can we.

Let Robbin Island inspire you

Many difficult circumstances really can be overcome; they don’t have to dictate our life. Think of Nelson Mandela, 28 years in prison on Robbin Island. His case is famous, because he freely chose not to let that terrible circumstance destroy him. In his body, mind and spirit, he rose above his difficult surroundings, and emerged a world-wide hero for so many people. So, how did he do that?

In spite of the appalling circumstances of prison life, his heart and mind were still full of love, forgiveness, and peace. Many others would have surrendered to such awful circumstances, and become angry and bitter, filled with thoughts of hatred and revenge. Life’s all down to how we choose to respond.

So, we see that circumstances are indeed a huge part of our lives. Nevertheless, how we react to them is up to us. We always have a choice. We can be positive or negative in our response.

The wisdom of Carlyle

Thus I feel that Carlyle’s quote contains a huge amount of truth. We’re all invited to make best use of our gift of personal freedom, and become the architect of our circumstances. We’re free to react, in any way we wish, to the circumstances that surround us: negatively, or positively.

We can choose negativity: we can give up, throw in the towel, and blame the circumstances of our life.

Or we can be positive: we can choose to decide for ourselves many of the circumstances, that we will allow into our life. For the most part, we can choose how we respond to what life throws at us.

We are in control. It’s our life. We have inner freedom. Let’s never forget what Mandela taught us.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Please leave a comment about one circumstance in your life that’s been a problem, and what you did to overcome it.

I must confess that, at times, I’m as bad as anyone when it comes to prejudice, criticism, and judging others. Why are we like that? Do you know what the problem seems to be? A judgmental mindset seems to be written in our souls, our fixed and final DNA.

Take Syria for example. What do we see? Huge division, and civil war for 7 long years. Mention Syria to anyone, and immediately they believe they know exactly who’s to blame. It seems obvious to them who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong. The other side of the argument, of course, is equally convinced they’re right.

The blame game

Both sides would say to the other: “You’re only saying that because you’re biased.” The person making that condemnation is, of course, as biased as the next man/woman. Heated arguments seem to be such a common part of human life. We all feel we know exactly who’s to blame, who’s the bad guy, who’s the good guy. It’s totally natural. We do it without even having to think.

Why? Let’s see.

It’s because we are utterly convinced we have every right to condemn wrongdoing. We are convinced we are making a fair and honest judgement. We hate being accused of bias, prejudice.

“Biased? Who me? No way. Can’t you see? It’s obvious who’s right and who’s wrong.”

Prejudice, judgement, condemnation pour from our lips. Yet we believe we are being fair and honest.

Has Dale Carnegie got this one wrong?

Let’s take another look at what Carnegie says:

“Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Dale Carnegie seems way off the mark here. Maybe we’re convinced he’s wrong, and we challenge him. This is the kind of thing we might say to Dale:

“I have every right to condemn wrongdoing when I see it. How dare you accuse me of not understanding? Even a child can see who’s right and who’s wrong.”

What do you think? Has Dale Carnegie got it all wrong in this quote? Does he wrongly accuse people of lacking self-control and character, when they condemn what seems a clear case of evil?

Above all, we may take issue with his belief that, in these cases, we need more “understanding.” We may answer:

“What’s there to understand, when it’s as clear as day that evil things have been done for all the world to see?”

Beware of second guessing another person’s mind

Such talk, of course, is no more than guessing what’s going on in the other person’s mind. We can see and judge external things. But we can’t see into the mind of the person doing these things. That’s an essential distinction we need to keep in mind: external actions, and thoughts in the mind.

There are countless cases throughout history where a person, judged by all to be evil, has a totally different view in his own mind. Yes, maybe they were confused, mixed up, wrong thinking, feeling compelled to do certain things. But they still see themselves as a good guy.

OK. Let’s admit that their thinking may have been all mixed up. That doesn’t make them evil; evil in the sense that they deliberately, consciously, knowingly and willingly did something very bad. In their own minds they seem to have a good reason to do what they did.

Let’s take an example from the Bible. The Pharisees, who condemned Jesus to death, also believed they had a good reason to condemn him. They were convinced that, if they allowed Jesus to continue his preaching, the Romans would invade, and take over their country .

Yes, they thought they were doing something necessary for the sake of their people: “Better for one man to die for the sake of the people.”

A pathway to forgiveness?

Even Jesus, crucified on the cross, could understand the probable mindset of those who condemned him. He realised that they thought they were doing what they felt they had to do.

“Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Jesus gives us an awesome lesson here. He asks us not to judge others, because we may be so very wrong. If we could open our minds to this kind of thinking, maybe we wouldn’t be so quick to judge and condemn others.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Would like to hear what you think?

I’m sure you know lots of talented people. They’re great at some job or skill they have. However, you may not like them at all. Why not? Well, they may be talented, but they’re not very nice people. There are countless talented people out there who have questionable character: “clever devils”. Great talents yes, but lousy character.

Talent and character are very different human qualities. Talent is frequently something we’re born with. Character’s more about our own decisions on what kind of a person we choose to become. What talents do you have? Deep down, what’s your character? Questions well worth asking ourselves.

Even if you develop your talents enormously, that says very little about your character. Character determines whether we use the talents ethically or not. We all have far more abilities and talents than we can possibly develop to the full. Perhaps that’s where character comes into the picture.

Character and the use of talents

Our character determines what we do with those talents. Select and develop them and become one of life’s winners; or become a spoilt genius, wasting our talents. That’s why Jackson Brown Jr, in the quote above, points out that we should praise character more than talents.

Character is about who we are as a person, rather than the things we can do. Character is all about personal integrity: our beliefs, values, passions, desires, dreams, hopes. Do we develop our character, and put our talents to good use: our small contribution to the wider world?

Without developing a strong and loving character, we risk remaining a human lightweight. I suppose one of the worst things you could accuse me of is being shallow. I’d hate it. I’d find it so damning to my personality. It would mean that I’m immature, my life is just superficial stuff on the surface, often trivial nonsense, the mood of the moment. It would mean there’s no depth to me. You wouldn’t ask me any serious question about anything.

I’m sure we’d all prefer to be considered as a person who has something of value to offer. Someone who has some depth of character. That leads to the very important question: how do I develop my character, get some depth to who I am, what I believe, what I think, what I do? Jackson Brown Jr, in this profound quote, suggests four ways to do this: thought, choice, courage and determination.

Character building

Our focus is on these tools suggested to develop character: the best version of yourself. Here are a few things these words say to me.

Our thoughts are the very engine of our life. We become what we think about a lot. Our thoughts take on flesh and become real. So we should think about how to develop our character, how to be the best we can be, how we can help other people, how we can move from self-centred selfishness, and reach out to others.

Secondly, our beliefs and values are a matter of personal choice. We get to choose our character, it’s up to us to decide how we live our life. We don’t simply have to accept the beliefs and values of other people. Our free will enables us to break out of any conditioned beliefs and values that lead to a negative and selfish character.

Developing a good character is often quite a challenge in today’s world. Many people choose lesser values that serve that person’s ego; but this ego doesn’t really care too much about other people. These challenges to be our own person, to be different from some other people is not easy. It requires strength and courage.

Character building is not like some little passing hobby, that we can take up and then abandon at will. Character is profound, essential, who we are. That’s why building and developing our best character is a life-long privilege. We never want to give up, go back to a lesser version of who we are. We must have determination to keep going, and live our lives as best we can. Lives of strong and loving character.

Let’s get to work then with these four strategies: our thoughts, choices, courage and determination.

That way, we’ll make a positive difference, and many people will miss us we we pass on.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you feel you have much more to offer? Do you feel that life is passing you by? Do you want to do more in your life, live life to the full?

What would you say if you were told you’re not just the product of circumstance? That you do have a choice, that those choices have helped make you who you are, and what you have done up to now.

Are you thinking,

“What me, you must be joking? If I had a choice it would be quite different” 

Put away those pitiful, power-leaching thoughts; because you do have a choice to be the person you want to be. You are what you make yourself.

You could be . . . the person you want to be.

You know that the person, deep down inside of you, knows this is true. That part of you that knows who you could be, who you want to be, who you’re meant to be.

Each one of us is the sum of what we alone have decided, or allowed ourselves to be. Once we reach adulthood, we have the opportunity to choose the kind of life we want, the type of person we want to be. Who we want to spend time with, surround ourselves with.

We make daily choices about hundreds of actions, and decisions we make. We alone decide what type of food we enjoy, what music we like, colours we prefer, who we spend our leisure time with.

You alone have the freedom to change who you are, and what you do, every single day.

“Well, Susan, I didn’t choose my life, my parents. my circumstances. So how can you say it’s my choice?”

I agree, we had very little choice as a child. As adults, we’re often already bound on paths we don’t want. But don’t let that stop you from choosing what you want to do, or be, or changing your course. Let go of that past mindset, those beliefs, excuses and boundaries you may have set up for yourself, or feel tied into.

The chains, of limiting thoughts, that had hold you a prisoner of perceived circumstance and choice. I know it’s not easy to admit. I often felt I had no choice, but I did; maybe not the choices I would have preferred, but I still had them. Once this was revealed to me, I realised I had real power; I was no longer a victim to lame limitations.

We cannot change what life throws at us, or what other people do, or say. However, we can change how we act, think and feel about our own life.

We can decide how we will live our own lives, and what we can make of ourselves.

I want to share with you 7 good reasons why you have the power to be the authentic you.

1. Only you have the right gifts to live your life.  You’re unique; you must develop those gifts, for they give your life meaning. Hone your gifts, every single day, so that they can be used to help others; this is how you can make a difference.
2. Only you can build your confidence and self-respect. Don’t search for these from other people; you must find these yourself. You can earn confidence and self-respect by trusting yourself to do what you set out to do. By learning to have faith in yourself. By believing you are of value.
3. Only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Not your parents, not your loved-ones, not your teachers, not your peers. Your thoughts and actions are your job, your responsibility.
4. Only you have the power to motivate yourself, to dig deep and discover the reason (whatever it is) you need to focus on, to keep going when life’s hard.
5. Only you can do the work, or take the steps that you need to take, towards your dream.
6. Only you can make or break you. Nobody else has the power to control your mind, unless you allow them to.
7. Only you have the right to decide what you want to do in life. This is your freedom: it’s why you have free will. Never enslave yourself to someone else’s will. Don’t live someone else’s agenda. Decide for yourself.

You know, deep down inside your heart, what’s right for you. You deserve to be the person you want to be. You can decide today – right now – to build the right life for you.  It’s never too late to change your course. While you’re still alive and breathing, you still have time to go for your dreams.

You have 7 good reasons why I think you can be the person you want to be. I ask you to think about them. Look for your own reasons, and add to them every day.

Continue to strive doggedly to be the person you want to be. Never give up on yourself. You are here for a purpose. That purpose is to live your life to the full, to bring love, joy, peace and happiness to those around you.

In doing so, you will fulfill your life, and the life of others. That is the person you are meant to be, the person you are deep in your heart.

Be that person and live your life to the full.

Susan J McCann

@susanjmccann

PS I’d love to hear what motivates you. Please feel free to share this post.

Do you ever find yourself re-living past mistakes? You know, something didn’t quite work out. You know and recognise that it’s your fault. So you keep on beating up on yourself.

You spend valuable time today re-living the past. Going over and over it in your mind.

“You idiot,” your mind shouts at you,”what possessed you to do that?”

I’ve found that it can even disturb your sleep. You find yourself lying awake in the middle of the night, playing it over and over in your mind, like a broken record.

So, how can you stop that little voice in your brain, pestering you day and night?

Today

Simple. Move on. It’s happened. It can’t UN-happen. Get on with today’s tasks.

However, maybe easier said than done.

I think one way to conquer this little gremlin is to learn from what happened.

First of all tell yourself, “O.K. I screwed up! Fair enough. No-one’s perfect. My job now is to LEARN from my mistake.”

Just let your logic and reason calm down your emotions. As we know, there’s always a hiden gem in every mistake. That’s the wonderful thing about it. You learn something new and important.

Just think of classic examples, like Edison and his light bulb. How many times did he find something that didn’t work? Hundreds! He never got depressed, moping about, beating up on himself every time it didn’t work.

He just moved on.

“O.K. That didn’t work. What else can I try?”

Little disagreements

I find that this “moving on” helps even in trivial little, day-to-day matters. My wife and I are debating about some issue. We disagree. We make our points firmly. Sometimes we feel so strongly about our point of view that we start to argue. We both hate arguing. I often say, trying to close down the arguing, “O.K. That’s history. Let’s agree to disagree, for the moment. Let’s move on.” And we do.

Even a minute ago can be seen as “history”! What’s been said’s been said. “Fine, let’s not waste any more time, energy and love repeating our own point of view.”

As Dan Millman points out in the quote, we waste energy keeping on and on about the past. We often experience that too, don’t we? We can feel a bit worn out after such a discussion.

Tomorrow

Much better to devote your remaining energy to creating something new, beautiful and useful. I’m reminded of the biblical saying, “Let the dead bury their dead.”

The past is dead and gone. Learn from it, yes. But then move on, and devote all your energy to today and tomorrow.

Yesterday’s already fading into the past. Next year, you won’t even remember it.

Why play around in the ashes of yesterday, when you can be creating the fire of tomorrow?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

You want to change the way they relate to you, make it better, more positive.

The worst strategy is to start attacking them.

“Why are you looking at me that way? What have I done to you? Why don’t you like me?

Attack someone, and they defend themselves. They harden their attitude. Makes things worse.

No-one likes being judged by another person. It simply stirs up even more negativity and a further breakdown in relations. They may even decide not to talk to that person any more.

So, what’s a better way?

Simple. Stop judging them. Why? Because it’s impossible. You can’t see what’s in that person’s heart and mind. You’re only guessing, and with a negative mindset. You’re behaving towards them aggressively.

Much better to behave in a positive way. Talk to them positively. Smile. Offer a handshake. Praise something good they have done. Offer to help them. Show yourself friendly, peaceful and ready to work with them. Let your behavior show them that you really do accept them.

A word of warning!

It’s no use just pretending to accept them. Such lies are seen immediately. Find love in your heart for them. Authentic love and openness. As Og Mandino famously wrote: “I greet this day with love in my heart.”

Apply that to everyone you meet. “I greet this person with love in my heart.”

It can work like magic. Someone close to me used this strategy working with difficult people. Almost always it provided an unexpected breakthrough.

People are not stupid. They can sense when they’re being lied to. They can also feel when another person really does accept them, without any personal judgement.

So, if you want to change someone else’s negative attitude to wards you, then the remedy is simple. Change your own behavior towards them.

It seems that Katherine Hepburn had a point!

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.