I turned 80 recently. My wife and had I spent weeks, trying to decide where to go, and what exciting things to do, in order to celebrate and enjoy yet another memorable milestone in my life.

In the end I decided on a simple, peaceful and profoundly moving experience. Looking at trees.

Visiting the grounds of an ancient Castle situated a short drive away from our home in Kent, UK.  We sat on an old wooden bench for quite a while, gazing up at the panorama of old trees all around us, filling our field of vision. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping gloriously. A tiny robin darted in and out, all around us and sat by my feet, almost like a messenger of peace.

Slowly ambling around, taking in the trees, the flowers, the formal gardens, the fields, the ancient stone walls.  Feeding our minds, bodies and spirits with the joy of just doing nothing.

Taking time out to just enjoy life. Feeling gratitude for nature in all her beauty, being grateful for just being alive.  We even treated ourselves to a rare ice-cream.

I was reminded of an old poem that has always been a favourite of mine, written in 1911 by W.H.Davies, the Welsh poet.

I often meditate on his opening lines “What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?”

In our mad, frenetic modern world, full of haste, violence and stress, perhaps too few of us stop and meditate on the awesome beauty and wonder of nature all around us. For me personally, especially as a retired Christian Monk, I see heaven, I see God in every blade of grass, each perfect leaf of a tree.

Countless people suffer stressed-out lives. I have also known the sting of stress. Opening our eyes and ears to the beauty of nature all around us, helps us to slow down, take notice of the present moment and gain a little perspective. Trees radiate peace, not manic rush and stress.

Learn from the trees to pause and meditate. Ask yourself the poet’s question “What is this life?”

May I wish you lots of love and peace in your life?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.   I’d love to learn how you find peace; please share your comments with the rest of us.

P.P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

Why should you forgive?

What they did to you was unforgivable. So, they deserve to be punished.

Do you feel that?

That’s understandable, you’re not the only one. We all feel that at times.

Why then should you forgive people who hurt you badly? They chose to hurt you. They wanted to hurt you. They knew perfectly well how much it would hurt you. Why should you let them off the hook? Forgiving them might make them feel better, but what about you?

So, why should you forgive?

Let’s get one thing straight. Forgiveness never condones, forgiveness never accepts, forgiveness never sanitizes any hurtful behavior. But, until you forgive, you will never let go of the hurt, and remove the poison. The poison of un-forgiveness in your heart.

This poison spreads into every area of your life. This poison will spread out its bitter venom and could eventually destroy you. This poison contaminates you, it corrodes you and it corrupts you: mind, body and spirit.

Why allow your own feelings and behavior to sink as low as the person who hurt you?

“It may be infinitely worse to refuse to forgive than to murder,

because the latter may be an impulse of moment of heat,

whereas the former is a cold and deliberate choice of the heart’

George MacDonald 

These words of George MacDonald seem very harsh.

How far could you agree with him?

Does he have a point?

What are some of the ways that this poison affect people’s lives? Or maybe even your life?

So, what are these 7 ways that can poison your life?

1. Un-forgiveness can poison relationships. 

How might this happen? There are many devastating ways this poison can affect your relationships. Do you recognize any of these?

• Cutting a loved-one out of your life.

“I hate you. Get out, and don’t come back.”

“I’ll never speak to you again”

“Well, they’ve never bothered getting in touch with me, so why should I?”

•  Resenting your parents

“You never listen to me.”

“Whatever I do is never good enough for you.”

“Why can’t you just let me live my own life?”

•  Angry with your children

“You never listen to me.”

“I’m telling you for your own good.”

“You’ll never make a decent living doing that.”

•  Stressed out with work colleagues

“The boss is always on my back”

“I always have to pick up the slack, because they don’t do their job properly.”

“Why should they get promotion before me?”

•  Falling out with your best friend

“I can’t believe they could do that to me.”

“How could they betray me like that?”

“I could never say that to them.”

Do you recognise any of these? I know I certainly do. I’m sure most people do.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. You are well aware that it’s in your power to change your heart. Relationships are so important in your life.

Why allow them to be destroyed? Why not make the first move? Why don’t you seek a path towards reconciliation?

2 Un-forgiveness affects your health

It’s a well-known medical fact that anger, resentment and feelings of revenge can seriously undermine your health.

These feelings can result in stress, depression, and psychological problems, which in turn affect every cell in your body.

Is that what you want?

Why allow that person to continually affect you long after the incident has passed. Why surrender your health and wellbeing to someone else? Why not move on? Haven’t they done enough to hurt you already?

3. Un-forgiveness robs you of your inner peace, harmony and energy

Any internal conflict is quite incompatible with inner peace. How can you feel calm, relaxed and at peace when you have an unresolved hurt, raging anger or cold resentment in your heart?

Your mind, body and spirit are out of harmony. Because harmony cannot co-exist with conflict, confusion and chaos. These three poisons are the inevitable result of an unforgiving heart.

Hurt, anger and resentment drain your energy. They steal far too much of your precious time and energy, reliving the event over and over. Uselessly. Because this will never change what happened. The past is past. Only its negative impact remains in your mind and heart.

Why settle for conflict when you could enjoy peace?

Why continue to disturb your harmony and peace of mind?

Why waste your energy reliving the past?

 4. Un-forgiveness affects the way you see the world

When you’ve been hurt, your subconscious reacts to protect you. This affects your behavior in similar situations.

For instance, if you’ve been out at night and been attacked, you may be afraid of going out alone at night. You may avoid that area completely in future. You may view the world as a much more dangerous place. You’ll be more suspicious of strangers. Your world will begin to shrink.

If your partner has been unfaithful, you may stop trusting them, even if you’ve made it up with them. You may start suspecting what they’re up to when you’re not with them.

If you’ve had your heart broken, then you’re less likely to trust your heart to another. This could extend to how you behave in other relationships too.

As we all know, these are just a few examples.

The way you see the world affects all that you do.

Why continue to let the hurt bring negativity into your world?

Why persist in tolerating someone besmirching your social environment?

Why not drive out that hurt from your heart and enjoy a better life?

5. You will begin to cause hurt to others

These are just a few of the possible consequences: arguments, fights and fall-outs.  I’m sure it’s a familiar part of all our lives. We witness it so many times in others as well as ourselves.

You will allow yourself to sink to a lower level of love and compassion. You may begin to behave towards others like the one who hurt you. You will take out the hurt others have caused you on your loved-ones.

For example:

• You may take revenge on the person who hurt you, or did you wrong, but this will escalate. It may even hurt other family members who get involved, causing family feuds, or divsions in groups where friends take sides.

• You’re cross, stressed, and mad; you get in your car, and drive dangerously. You may cause an accident hurting yourself or injuring an innocent party.

• Or, you snap at a customer or colleague because the boss has just shouted at you.

Is that how you want others to see you behave?

We’ve all suffered the pain of other people’s anger. But do we really need to pass in on? We can stop this downward spiral. We just need to look for a better way. We already know that way: understanding, compassion, and forgiveness.

6.  Un-forgiveness jars with your loving spirit

It’s almost impossible to live a life of love with a heart filled with anger and un-forgiveness. Why?

Because you suffer an internal conflict in the deepest part of your spirit, where your love and compassion dwell.

Un-forgiveness is also the exact opposite of your very destiny, shaped by the Infinite Love and Intelligence. Whatever your beliefs are: call it God, Source, Higher Power of the Universe. You are destined to be a loving person. That’s why we’re here.

Love is your greatest and all-embracing internal quality. Do you really want to risk compromising it? Do you really want your love to fade and even die, all because your heart is still full of bitterness? Do you really want to defile it with anger, hatred and un-forgiveness?

Of course not! Who in their right mind would? Isn’t it far better to get rid of your hurt, instead of enduring un-necessary turmoil and pain?

Better to live a much happier life, the inevitable fruit of love.

7.  Un-forgiveness Undermines Your Happiness

As you can see, by not forgiving you create all manner of nasty things for yourself.

It affects your mental, emotional and physical health. It affects your relationships with love-ones, friends and colleagues. It affects your inner peace, your outlook on life, and your time and energy.

It influences the way you see the world, one of hurt and danger rather than of fun and adventure. It influences your behavior, how you interact with, deal with and perhaps hurt others. It influences your very soul, by contaminating your loving heart with poison, which suddenly stops you on your true path, towards a life of love and fulfillment.

How could you possibly be happy with all that going on?

You know you don’t want that, you don’t deserve that, and you don’t need that.

Stop the poison now.

The sooner you do something about it, the better you’ll feel.

Yes, you think, all very well and good, but how exactly do it I learn to let go of the hurt?

This hurt must be flushed from your very soul. How?

Through the healing balm of forgiveness. Without forgiveness your heart is still trapped in a cage of deadly negativity. Unless this poison is eliminated, it can only expand and grow. You’ll relive that hurt over and over. Every day, every month, every year   . . . perhaps forever.

Unless and until you learn to forgive, and release the poison.

“There is a hard law: when an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.”

Alan Paton

So, look into your heart and see if there are people you might need to forgive. Why not let go of that hurt, find a better way, and move on with a happier heart?

And don’t forget the greatest need to forgive that most of us have.You, me and all of us.

We must learn to forgive ourselves.

@themerry_monk

I had just celebrated my 65^th birthday – here in Britain, the traditional occasion to retire from work. But what to do? Temptation beckoned! Fade away as a couch potato? Become a traditional grandpa, complete with new slippers and pipe? Take my well-earned rest? After all, I’d worked hard all my life. I deserved some me-time to relax, take it easy, and discover the delights of day-time TV.

But I’ve always followed my own path, my own heart – even when it’s a bit different from other people’s expectations.

Lying around all day really wasn’t for me. For a start, I managed to get offered another year’s work, at the centre for homeless people where I worked. This meant: daily trip up to London, early start, full day, not home until evening.

Busy as I was, it was not yet everything on my horizons. Why? Because my friend Paddy suddenly opened up another path.

Paddy reveals the secret of his inner power

Paddy, a co-worker, had run a marathon. I was greatly impressed. Always a sportsman, I was fascinated to learn how he did it. Where did he discover this awesome inner power?

“Easy,” he replied, with words I’ve never forgotten. “If you can run a mile, you can run a marathon.”

Wow! What a challenge! His secret was out: Build up step by step, just as he had done. Right out of the blue I decided that I’d got to do it too. I had never done any serious running since schooldays. Life as a minister, and then as an office worker, hadn’t exactly prepared me for major athletic challenges.

Yet the clear logic of Paddy’s assertion had got under my skin. I was sure that running, just one mile, wouldn’t be so hard to achieve. After all, I had been blessed with good health. Should be possible. Maybe I too could find my own hidden inner power!

Why not go in at the top?

Luckily my wife was on board. It shouldn’t affect our life adversely. But how exactly to fit in the training? It would take many months to get up to speed. I had decided to go in at the top: run the famous London marathon the following Easter. I even managed to secure a place, and so began my training.

Easier said than done; yet I knew that I also had inner power. I’d faced great life challenges before. Surely I could find that power again?

The tough challenge I set myself

It was winter. I set the alarm for 5am. Tried not to disturb the wife, and went out and began my running odyssey. I figured 3 times a week ought to do it. Of course it was cold, dark, miserable and often snowy. The pavements were hard and unforgiving, as a I pounded out the weary miles.

“I must be mad” my mind protested. “Give me a break” complained my feet, and aching leg muscles. “You really love this, don’t you?” my heart demanded to know.

Imagine how I felt each time that damned alarm went off! Haul myself out of bed, running gear on, quick drink of coffee, and the cold blast of air as I hit the road. Then when I got back a quick shower, breakfast, get ready for work. Half hour walk to the train station, an hour on the train, ten minutes walk in London, and begin work at 9am!

As Churchill said: Never, never, never give up!

I forced myself to keep at it, week after week, month after month. Legs complaining, tiredness always present, as my weekly mileage grew steadily. Did I have an adrenaline rush, all pumped up and triumphant, as I came back home each morning? No! I was just shattered, and crushed by the thought of a days’ work still before me.

So why did I keep digging up that inner power, so desperately needed? I’ve no idea, except something deep inside just won’t let you give up. Failure’s not an option. Why? Pride? Determination? Fear of failure, and all the negative social consequences from friends, family and acquaintances? “See that Gerry? Gave up! Couldn’t do it. Loser!”

Or was it just the opposite? Knowing that the medal, and all the congratulations, that would come my way. Aware that, for the rest of my life, I could look back and say, “Yeah! I did it!”

Dig deep, believe in your own mysterious inner power

Maybe there’s a bit of all that, the stick and the carrot – plus countless other hidden psychological elements, that no-one even knows about. Probably a whole life-time of self-discipline, as a monk and minister, had strengthened that inner power. I honestly can’t say more than that.

For me, in the end, it was a simple mindset: “whatever it costs, there’s no way I’m not going to do it.” Get the motivation, and the power is released.

The great day arrived in April 2003. I set off, eager, fresh, willing – and just a bit nervous. I was surrounded by thousands of other runners of every age, shape, size, gender, and ability. It was a fabulous day, an awesome experience, with brilliant support from endless rows of spectators.

The hours passed, the infamous “Wall” was successfully negotiated. I didn’t even stop running in order to take walk breaks. Finally, Buckingham Palace came into view. “We’re well inside the last mile,” we all breathed a sigh of relief. I saw the finishing line. “Quick sprint to the line,” I commanded my legs. My legs, however, completely ignored me! O.K.! So I jogged steadily on, and I crossed the line in just over 5 hours.

The utterly strange thing about the whole experience was this: not for one moment did I even think about not finishing. I had no doubt in my mind. But why? I must be that hidden strength in my heart and mind, forged over many years. Then I had done enough training, and I was injury free. All the preparation had gone well. It all paid off on the day.

Mind over matter – what’s next for you?

It just shows me that the power of the heart and mind are truly beyond comprehension. Mine is just a small and simple example – among millions – of this well-known truth about the power of “mind over matter.”  

Don’t just listen to your body! You also have a much greater inner power, waiting to be released!

Good luck with your own challenges! 

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

There are far too many underachievers in this troubled human world. I’m convinced of this fact, and it’s such a pity! Very few people seem to reach their true limits, and our world is the poorer and deprived of so much they could offer.

Ask yourself this challenging question: “where do I fit into this picture?”

Be honest with yourself. Is it just possible that you’ve opted for less than you should?

If so, why? Part of the answer lies in “comfort zones.” We all have certain limits beyond which we will not venture. We feel uncomfortable with anything new and untried, especially if it seems difficult. Fear is always lurking at the back of our mind, stopping us from trying out new things.

So, how do you judge these self-imposed limits? Do they serve you or not? The answer is both. There are so many possibilities in life that open up before you. How can you judge whether it’s worth taking a risk? Common sense protects us from foolish risks. Self interest helps us choose things we think will be good for us.

Your own personal risk assessment

The great problem is the grey area between black and white, between dangerous and very desirable. The grey areas are choices we face that will push us beyond our present comfort zones, and we’re not really sure whether they’re worth the risk. Good and bad might result. Something desirable beckons you to take a risk to get it; but there’s also the possibility that you’ll be worse off.

That’s when your courage is put to the test.

Do you play safe, avoid trying anything new, stick within your comfort zones? Or do you go for excellence, willing to accept the possible negative outcome, in the hope that you’ll achieve the desirable good?

Why not decide right now to begin to “up your game?” Are you willing to aim for, and commit to personal excellence?

High achievers have a secret: their drive and ambition. These are two crucial character traits that push us out beyond that safety net, convinced that many of our fears are unfounded, false, and debilitating. As has been famously said, “the only thing to fear is fear itself.”

A word of warning! Extend your comfort zones GRADUALLY.

Build up your resolve bit by bit, day by day. I believed I could run marathons because my friend Paddy assured me, from his own experience, “if you can run a mile you can run a marathon”. So I took up running marathons at the age of 65, beginning with the London Marathon. I built up gradually until I actually ran the whole distance in training. So on the day, no problem! Excellence was assured, I already knew I could do it! Then success and my hard-earned medal. I was over the moon, I had really done it. Another comfort zone smashed!

Anyone can do what I did. Simple: give it a go. Try it out. See how you get better every day. Soon you look back and are filled with amazement at how far you’ve come. You too can pursue excellence in your own unique life circumstances. Search your heart. Discover your dream, and . . . just do it! Who knows, you might even succeed? Remember, there’s only one way to find out.

 Gerry McCann – The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk

An unhealthy body will often have a negative impact on our mind and spirit. Like a sick child, an out-of-sorts body continually demands our attention.  Ill-health spoils both your work and pleasure: you can’t focus properly on the important things you want to do. The mind is distracted and you find it hard to concentrate. We’re miserable, unhappy and not very good company. So, who’s to blame?

The child who is ill is not to blame. It has no other alternative but to nag and nag for help and comfort. It’s not yet able to help itself properly. However as adults we do have the power to help ourselves. We’re responsible for caring for our own health. Of course it may not be our fault: there are bugs everywhere! However that may not be the whole story.

Our many commitments can make it difficult to take proper care of our body

It’s mainly our life-style.  We always seem to run out of time: so many things demand our attention. Strangely, we can even be too giving: helping others and neglecting ourselves.

If we neglect to look after ourselves properly, then it is our own fault. You risk creating problems for yourself. Without realising it, you become your own worst enemy. So what can you do about it?

As they say Charity begins at home. You should also love yourselves, showing quality care for your own genuine needs. It’s not selfish, just plain common sense. Care of your own body should be, perhaps surprisingly, top of your to-do list. Why?

Think about it: if you create and maintain a healthy body you’ll have the health, energy and strength of mind for all those other important things in life.

Let’s be encouraged: it’s not really difficult

Take small simple steps each day towards looking after yourself. Let them build up into automatic habits like brushing your teeth. They become part of your routine. With a little planning you can find that elusive time for all your needs. Love yourself a bit more, look after yourself too. We all know the formula: a healthy diet, regular exercise, address any illness your suffer.

Healthy diet: learn to control your appetite; avoid well known unhealthy foods; eat a moderate and balanced diet with the basic needs satisfied: proteins, carbohydrates and vitamins. Plenty of fruit and vegetables, and careful with sugars and fats. I myself love wine and sweet things: I know it’s a struggle!

Healthy exercise: force yourself if necessary to at least do a bit of walking or some exercise every day. We can all do that. After all, 24 hours is a long time, and a good half hour will probably be enough to keep healthy. Not really much to ask!

Illness: see the doctor if you need to. We men have a terrible reluctance to admit we’ve a problem. Just do it! Catch it in time and much can be done. I did that, and discovered my prostate cancer before it was too late.

All you need then is:

1. A bit of planning,

2.  Self-discipline to do what’s needed, and finally

3.  A little help and co-operation from friends and loved-ones.

I started running marathons when I was 65, so I know we can all do enough to keep healthy and fit.

Good luck! Persevere, feel the difference, and be happier in your mind and spirit. You too deserve it!

I’d be interested to hear how you got on.

Gerry McCann – The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk