The result? Invariably the same. They forgot most of what they had learned. Five steps forward, four steps back. Progress was minimal, many got fed up and left the class. Very few persevered to the end.

However, there was a tiny minority that did study between the weekly classes. For them it was five steps forward, and then another three steps forward.

Do the Math.

Those who studied once a week made five steps forward minus four steps backwards. Equals one step forward. 

Those who studied in between classes made five steps forward plus another three steps forward. Equals eight steps forward!

That’s the awesome power of dedicated practice. These students were already winning eight to one after only one week.

I’m reminded of a famous quote I heard years ago. It went something like this: 

“If you study something for just 15 minutes every single day, in five years you’ll be quoted as an expert.”

So easy to give up, isn’t it? 

“Can’t be bothered”  

“I’ve got bored with it.”

“I’ve found something much more interesting.”

On and on, the lame excuses. We’ve all learned about the power of perseverance. We just need to ask ourselves why we fail to persevere.

It’s easy to make excuses. Blot out our conscience. Pretend it doesn’t really matter. That’s fine, if you want to stay the same, and never make much progress. Give up when so much more is possible.

How lazy are you? What are your excuses? Maybe you just need a little more humility to fess up, get over it, and then move on to achieve some of your goals.

No need to kill yourself trying. Just persevere. Little and often. Baby steps. Bit by bit. Say it any way you like, it’s the same strategy: “inch by inch it’s a cinch.”

I am reminded of the story character, who claimed he could jump to the top of a castle. Everyone thought he was crazy.

But he told them,

“It’s so easy. Find the steps, and then jump up them, one step at a time.”

You don’t have to do it all in one giant jump! 

As Ann Voskamp’s quote reminds us, practice makes perfect. It can even bring about something huge in the long run: transformation.

So, ask yourself: what are my goals? How much do I want them? 

Then take action. How? No problem; you already know perfectly well what to do.

Perhaps you will actually do it this time! I really hope so.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Do you procrastinate? Has it cost you? Leave a comment below. Thank you.

In fact, when you haven’t even experienced a higher positive level of self-behaviour, you are unaware that there is a better way. You don’t even know how to treat others. You don’t even know what’s the right way to behave, never mind how to do it. 

Like speaking a foreign language. If you haven’t learned it, then those foreigners will not be able to use it with you. They know they’ll be wasting their time.

When we don’t know how to treat others properly and appropriately, such lack of good behaviour gives no encouragement to others to treat you any differently.

It will be a rare, altruistic, loving person, who will not follow the poor level of your behaviour, but step up to their own level, and treat you much better than you treated them. You give them 10%, and they return 90%. 

It seems to be a common human tendency is to respond in kind. Give as good as you get. Tit for tat. Disrespect gets disrespect, friendly and open produces a similar response. It almost seems as if it’s in our DNA. 

This raises a very interesting question: do we all have an inbuilt tendency to mirror others? To build rapport, and get on their wavelength? Many other common sayings seem to suggest that this is our experience:

“Birds of a feather flock together”

“We can tell who you are by the company you keep.”

“We feel comfortable in the company of similar people.”

“We all seek our own tribe.”

Let’s take a common everyday example. A man gives up alcohol. That alone can mean that he’s no longer part of his tribe at the local pub. 

He has set himself a standard that doesn’t fit in with the others. Strained relationships! The drinkers start to feel bad every time they buy another round of drinks, and their friend is the odd man out.

Our own self-behaviour sets the standard – invites, permits, the same from others. So let’s make it as positive as we can. Why not? If we do, then good things happen:

Self-respect leads to receiving respect from others;

Self-acceptance leads to receiving acceptance from others;

Self-esteem leads to receiving esteem from others;

Self-love leads to receiving love from others;

Self-belief leads to receiving belief from others.

In a nutshell: treat yourself positively, and others will raise their game, and try their best to return their own version of positivity.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

“Actions speak louder than words”

“Words are cheap, action is what counts”

“Promises, promises, broken promises politics”

“Walk your talk.”

We’ve all heard of these well-known sayings. The message is the same: just do what you say you’ll do. Let’s take a few well-known examples.

Very often we see the Nations of the world agreeing Peace agreements: inspiring words. Unfortunately the peace often collapses, as the agreed actions simply don’t happen.

We witness the same contradiction in many committee meetings. There is much talk, and endless discussions, but few decisions.

Or take the example of religion. Why are there so many people put off religion? If we ask them, we discover that hypocrisy is one of the biggest criticisms. Religious Hypocrisy: saying one thing, but doing another.

“They go to church every Sunday, and think that makes them good Christians. Well, I know many of them, and they don’t live like Christians at all.” 

Yet again, fine words spoken to God on Sunday, but not actually carried out in the rest of the week.

Another deeply personal example: Christian priests! I feel ashamed to admit that I’m a retired Catholic priest. The Church I love has been crucified by pedophile priests. The very ones, who should live out their beliefs and words, have wallowed in the mud of sin. But that’s not the half of it!

What is ten times worse: the cover-up by Church authorities. Finally compelled to own up to their abominable actions, they have made all kinds of promises. 

Again we are forced to ask: will the Church follow up on their fine words? Many feel there has been very little real action so far. We witness rampant hypocrisy: yet again, fine words, but horrible actions, cover-up, authorities in denial.

Jesus’ harshest criticisms were for hypocrites.  He detested hypocrisy, This is what we read in Matthew 23:27-28:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

Another text: “Not everyone who says Lord, Lord, will enter Heaven, but he who does the Will of My Father.”

We read in Mark 7:6:  Jesus replied, Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

Yes, action is what counts, not just promises, nice words and a heart full of hypocrisy.

As John Maxwell says in today’s quote:   “Actions are remembered long after words are forgotten.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

Good positive relationships are an essential element in building trust between the business and their customers.  As Rubin says: “Trust is priceless.” 

Trust is needed, because so many successful businesses completely depend on repeat customers. If customers have any doubts about trusting a company, then they will fly into the arms of a better competitor. “Once bitten, twice shy.”

We live in a very competitive world, and often find ourselves in a “win or lose” situation. We will always enjoy less success than is possible if we alienate our customers. Building trust and rapport spells success.

Rubin compares this good relationship approach to a more traditional dog-eat-dog, competitive world of business. He highlights two such approaches: indifference and hostility. 

He suggests indifference is expensive, because if we display a cold, self-seeking approach to potential customers, then we won’t be  successful. If the customer gets the impression that you don’t really care about him and his needs, then you’ve lost him. It will cost you a lot in lost revenue. As Dale Carnegie insisted, you cannot “win friends and influence people” unless you genuinely focus on their interests.

Hostility, of course, is even worse. Why would anyone want to do business with someone attacking him? As Rubin says, it’s “unaffordable.”  Even when we know this, if we haven’t learned self-discipline and patience, then our anger and hostility will force the failure. Self-control is an essential, non-negotiable element in any mature adult.

Perhaps we need to delve a little deeper into the human heart. Good relationships cannot be built on a trust that is fake. People can sniff it out when they are being lied to. Pretend care and concern for the customer will surface. If you are not really a loving person, then people will know.

To build good relationships, you must be genuine. There is nothing worse that finding out that someone you trusted has been a false friend. This is true in life, and is true in business relationships. Your customer is your bread and butter. So respect them. Honour them with a relationship of trust and co-operation. 

Never forget” “Trust is priceless. It’s all about relationships.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

What’s your own experience? Perhaps you’d care to leave a comment below. Thank you.

Let’s suppose you need to get to know someone. Perhaps a work colleague, a new neighbour, a friend of a friend, an important acquaintance. Then the question becomes: how do I do that? How do I discover what’s beneath the surface?

But, what’s wrong with the surface? Why do we want to know what’s below the surface, deep inside the person? Because the surface may be the problem.

As the word “surface” suggests, we may only be seeing what that person is prepared to communicate to others. People have countless reasons to prevent others really knowing them deep down. “This is the ME I’m prepared to show other people.” But why would we want to hide? Obviously we’ve something to hide.

We are all a mixture: of good and not so good. We prefer to show others the good side, and keep the rest hidden. “None of their business,” we might think, “let’s work on a need to know basis.”

Actions speak louder than words

In Andrew Carnegie’s quote, he focusses on just two ways of discovering a bit more about a person: what they SAY, and what they DO. He’s not talking about having an interview with them, but rather how can we know them better, simply by observing some of their behaviour.

His suggestion:  we’ll get a much more accurate picture of a person, by seeing what they DO. He believes that’s better than what they SAY.

Perhaps he believes that people can hide the truth about themselves much more easily in their speech. Telling lies, making exaggerations, revealing half truths; the list of possible ways to deceive others out of the mouth is endless.

When words hide the real truth

Very often, if not always, people will tell you a version of themselves that’s not true, and they are not even aware of it. Full self-knowledge is a rare commodity. Self-deception is as common as dirt. So many people live in a fantasy world, imagining they have all kinds of positive qualities.

Their friends, who know them better, just smile. Often they don’t have the heart to tell them about their faults and failings. “Why upset them? It’s harmless enough, and it makes them feel good.”

When automatic pilot is a revelation

Now let’s turn to the action part of the quote. Carnegie says we get a much better understanding of someone by their actions. Is this true? It certainly could be, if people are doing things on automatic pilot, unaware that others, observing them, are able to judge something about their character.

Or maybe it’s not even because they’re being watched. Perhaps people get to know what they’ve done because other people have told them. Yet again, people may act in certain ways, completely unaware what that behaviour is saying to other people.

Carnegie also adds a very interesting personal element: his own age. He finds that the older he gets, the more he’s focusses on other people’s behaviour, rather than their words. As they say, wisdom comes with age.

Maybe he’d been fooled, so many times over the years, by what people said. Bit by bit he probably discovered that their actions really do speak louder than words.

We all need to talk with other people

All of this can be extremely important. We all need good communication skills. We live in a world of relationships. If we can’t communicate with others, then bad things can happen. History demonstrates this over and over again.

We can make an excellent start in building a relationship, using the knowledge we already have from that person’s actions and words. We can learn so much, simply by observing others with an open mind.

Good communication, good relationships, good rapport: these are essential elements of a happy and fulfilled life.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

Why is happiness so difficult to pin down?  Let’s see what our quote suggests:

It states: happiness is not in external things (circumstances), but rather is a quality within the human being. Happiness flows from within us, not from things out there. 

Some people still think money can buy happiness. Money buys things, stuff, physical objects, experiences. They can give pleasure. The problem: it’s often superficial. It doesn’t last. Deep down in the heart and soul there is still a longing for something real and lasting. 

Here’s one reason why.

The person with all these new “toys”, these new “circumstances”, is still exactly the same person as before. If I am an angry, grumpy, selfish person, then a bigger house won’t suddenly make me peaceful, joyful and altruistic.

Perhaps that’s why we have life coaches, gurus, religious ministers. They focus on “personal growth.” Feeling happy starts with our self-belief. Are we comfortable in our own skin? What kind of a person am I?

Happiness flows from an internal integrity, a wholeness of spirit. Integrity simply means that we live by beliefs and values that are loving and truthful.

The quote is exact: happiness isn’t something we see. Happiness is something we are. It’s a quality of mind, heart and soul. Love is the key here. “It is in giving that we receive.” 

When we give love, and help others in their needs, then we feel happy inside. I don’t mean that arrogant feeling of “look at me, what a great person I am.” Such arrogance only comes from an immature, selfish person, shallow and unloving. 

Genuine giving is loving, peaceful, humble and happy. Yes, J.B.Sheerin’s quote has it exactly right:

Happiness is not from what we HAVE, nor from things that we SEE, but rather is in what we ARE

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Where are you at in the issue of happiness? Please let us know by leaving a comment. It will help others.

Here’s what I believe. You’re a good person, worthy of love and respect. You deserve it. You’re a child of God. You’re beautiful in mind, body and spirit. So, let me repeat: learn to believe in yourself; learn to love yourself; and learn to trust yourself. 

But why do we even need to say this at all? Negative conditioning, ever since the day you were born!

Parents, teachers, siblings, authority figures of every kind. They feel obliged to point out the child’s weaknesses, failures, and even naughtyness. The child confuses its bad behaviour with being a bad person. 

The truth? Bad behaviour, yes; but good person – always. A religious saying I like is this: “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” That clear distinction throws light on the whole issue. The person may behave badly from time to time; that doesn’t destroy their essential goodness.

Perhaps that’s why Dr Spock, in this quote, tries to encourage people to trust themselves.

It’s as if he’s saying to them: 

“Look, don’t believe all that negative stuff you’ve heard about yourself. 

You’re not stupid. 

You’re an intelligent, good person, and you know far more than other people think. 

You don’t think you know very much, because you feel no-one ever listened to you, 

and that made you believe you’d nothing to say.”

Maybe you’re still carrying that early burden, deep in your mind: “I’m nobody really. Why should anyone listen to me? I’ve nothing much to offer.”

It’s just a horrible lie! And, deep down, even you know it’s just a lie. Reject this lie, and live your own truth. Trust your own mind. Trust your own heart. Trust your own spirit. God doesn’t make any rubbish, and you’re certainly not rubbish.

Look at the evidence. You haven’t gone through life without learning massively about all kinds of things. Not just information, but beliefs and values and social skills. 

You are far more than you give yourself credit for. Stop putting yourself down. Stop thinking you’re a stupid little nobody.

You were born to shine. You have much to offer. Many people out there need the help that only you can provide. As Dr Benjamin insists:

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How much do you trust yourself? Any issues? If you like, please let us know by leaving a comment.

My first thought is to ask whether the personal relationships, referred to in this beautiful quote, are positive or negative. Positive relationships mean that we get on well with people. If we have negative relationships, then that tends to isolate us.

Obviously Ben is taking about positive relationships. The ability to get on well with other people is a golden quality, that oils the success wheels of all kinds of life ventures, where we have to work with other people.

What’s your boss like?

One huge area, where this personal relationship dimension is crucial, is in business. Most businesses are hierarchical, an authority pyramid, with different levels of responsibility for others. A key issue is how the boss treats their workers. Gone are the days when it was simply a matter of dictatorship. What the boss told you to do, you did it. If not, you got fired.

Let’s hope we’re a bit more advanced today. A boss who can command the respect, even the love of their workers, is the boss who builds a successful company. Human relations savvy is essential. Business success, of course, also depends on many other elements; elements such as how the market is doing, whether the product is good enough to compete with competitors, and so on. However . . .

Even if all these other elements are in place, a boss who can’t get on with their staff can undermine the whole business, and lead to failure. An unhappy workplace is a recipe for failure.

Happy Families?

Let’s take another area where relationships are key: families. Countless movies bear witness to what happens when family relationships go wrong. Their storylines depend on disagreements, fights, misunderstandings, etc. On the other hand, Romcoms bear witness to the beauty, joy and happiness that spring from positive relationships – at least by the end of the movie! Yes, “boy still gets girl.”

Politics and Them and Us

We could make a seemingly endless list of different areas of life, where positive relationships are essential, and yet often seem so hard to achieve. A massive area is politics, where the very fibre of political life seems to be a relentless “them and us” battleground.

Of course, this applies in so-called “democratic” countries; but is so much worse in countries still tied in to dictatorial regimes. Countries, where people have to obey like sheep, are hardly likely to result in “advancement, success and achievement” of our Ben Stein quote.

The matter becomes even worse, when we examine the relationship between different countries, especially when they have different models of leadership. That’s the obvious reason why we have so many wars, and today’s no different.

Is there a better, peaceful way?

Many philosophers and spiritual leaders today attempt a paradigm shift in our thinking. They help us to see that it’s possible to move from the duality of “them and us” to the “oneness” of us all. I fear they have a long, uphill struggle.

There are just so many “dualities” we still cling to in life. Dualities, where there are just two options to choose from: them and us, right or wrong, for or against, etc. We experience such dualism is race, religion, politics, rich and poor – to name just a few.

Will the day ever come when we see ourselves as family, as “brothers and sisters?” It’s a beautiful dream, but it seems a long way off.

Maybe you can help?

Maybe not in our lifetime. Utopia still seems an impossible dream. All we can do, as individuals, is to try to live that mindset within our little piece of the world: our family, our friends, and our local community.

How could you do even one little thing to move from division towards unity? What will you do today, tomorrow . . .?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. How are Unity and Division working out in your life? Please let us know by leaving a comment.

We’ve heard it all a thousand times. “Keep going”, “don’t give up”, and the one I really like: “when the going get tough, the tough get going.” I’m sure we’d all agree that persistence achieves far more than giving up at the first hurdle. However, there seems to be a great problem hidden here. “Why?”

Yes, “why keep going”? The only answer, that seems clear, is that we believe that it’s worthwhile. Especially if hardship’s involved. Nobody likes doing difficult things, unless there is a clear prize at the end of the struggle. A bit like the old “stick and carrot.” The carrot is what we want, and we’re prepared to work and fight for it, because it will outweigh the effort to get it.

Discover your own persistence carrots

So, what’s your prize, your carrot? It has to be something you’re really passionate about. It could be anything at all. We human beings are motivated by a desire for every possible kind of carrot. The secret, of course, is to find the carrot that appeals to you.

Your carrot could be something very personal: maybe some of the so-called “good things” in life. When we’re setting out on life’s journey, we need to make our mark, discover who we are, what we want, what we need, what we crave.

Passionate giving as well?

As we mature on life’s journey, we grow up a bit more, think a bit less about our own needs, and begin to become aware of other people’s needs. Making a contribution suddenly seems to make sense, even something we feel called to do.

It is precisely all those needs, wants, desires – in a word, all those heartfelt passions – that become the driving force behind our perseverance. If we care enough about something, then we’ll strive for it, keep going, never give up, and see it to a happy conclusion.

It is so sad to witness some people, seemingly without much passion for life. They are lacking great passion, and so they drift through life, often bored, unhappy and even jealous of others who are successful. Without much passion for anything, they can even drift into all kinds of negative behaviour.

Finding that “perfect job”

That’s why I believe all those self-help authors, who insist that we simply must discover our passions. Passions? Yes, dreams, visions for your future, that will get you out of bed in the morning. Some even talk of discovering your “life passion” – that one special thing, that you want to dedicate your life to.

It is also sad to see so many people, trapped in a work life that they hate.

“I can’t stand this job, but it’s all there is, and I have a family to support.”

I’ve known people like that. There are no easy answers to such problems, and certainly there’s “no one size fits all” solutions.

The life-style you’ll really love

However, perhaps the first step is to realise that, with a little bit of effort, thought, and help from other loving people, there may well be a better life possible. There is a tendency to give up too easily, become pessimistic, and imagine it’s all hopeless. Maybe it’s not. It could be that it is precisely here that we need this quote: “persist as resolutely as you persist in eating.”

We persist in eating, because we have a strong passion for it: we’ll die if we don’t. Let’s also find that kind of passion for fulfilment, happiness, and a life-style we can love.

I believe that, for all of us, more is possible. Perhaps even living some of your dreams. You have the persistence deep within.

Find it, use it, and be happy.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S.  I’d love to know what your carrot is? Tell us in the box below. Look forward to your comments.

This quotation suggests a radical difference between being clever and being wise. To me, it would seem that, what he means is, that being clever may stop short at amassing information. However, information alone is  not enough.

We also need wisdom, having a good idea how best to use that information. We need to move on from merely clever, and become wise.

Life’s winners and losers

Being wise provides exactly what can be missing in mere cleverness. A wise person knows that information on its own is like having a lot of money, but now knowing how to spend it. I’m sure there are many people who come into money, and then squander it on silly and selfish things.

They only wake up when they’ve spent it all, and realise too late that there were many much better ways they could, and perhaps, should have spent it. They become “wise after the event.”

Classic examples, of course, are some people who win the lottery, and suddenly have an obscene amount of money. We imagine they’re “lucky.” Often, however, they go a bit mad, and suffer a kind of temporary insanity.

They go off and engage in a crazy spending spree, throwing money around, as if it were confetti. After a few months of such extravagance, they’re back to where they started. Were they “lucky”? Perhaps that’s when the regrets begin.

Knowledge is like that, yes we can pile it up in our heads, gain more everyday, but it’s wasted if it’s not put to good use.

Who can change the world?

So, can being clever change the world? Perhaps a merely clever person might be able to change some things. They could start a business, have money savvy, and make a profit. The product they’re selling could very well help a lot of people. They do change the world in some way.

However, perhaps they can’t analyse some really important changes that need to be made, and could be made. Wisdom is surely needed for that. A wise person knows how to use their knowledge to help other people. True wisdom includes generosity, service, altruism.

One who is clever, but without wisdom, may tend to be more selfish. Then again, they may not be selfish at all. Which raises the question: how does one grow knowledge into wisdom? One way that springs to mind is to make good use of a wise mentor, a role model that can add a wise dimension to a knowledgeable but immature person.

Start by changing yourself

This ties in with the last part of the quote. First, we need to change ourselves, before we can successfully change the “world” – in other words, before we can truly “win friends and influence people.” The classic advice of Gandhi springs to mind:

“be the change yourself that you wish to see in others.”

Perhaps another way of looking at the difference, is to realise that being clever may just be book knowledge. True wisdom springs from hard-earned life skills. All the priceless learning that comes from being with other people in different situations, and taking on board the lessons learned.

One sees an example of this in some TV survival programmes. It’s not always the clever guy that copes best. Often the one that shines is the ordinary man or woman with plenty of life skills. People who are wise, who know how to apply their knowledge, and work as a team.

Remember wise old Dale Carnegie?

It is a marvellous thing to want to change the world. Just make sure, it would seem, that you’ve become wise, dealing with people and knowing how best to work with them. Dale Carnegie, the wise old master, spells it out brilliantly, in his classic book “How to win friends and influence people”

He explains how to be a wise and useful member of society, how to make friends and be a person of authentic influence.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Love to hear from you about your experience of using knowledge wisely. Please leave your comments.

Do you feel you have much more to offer? Do you feel that life is passing you by? Do you want to do more in your life, live life to the full?

What would you say if you were told you’re not just the product of circumstance? That you do have a choice, that those choices have helped make you who you are, and what you have done up to now.

Are you thinking,

“What me, you must be joking? If I had a choice it would be quite different” 

Put away those pitiful, power-leaching thoughts; because you do have a choice to be the person you want to be. You are what you make yourself.

You could be . . . the person you want to be.

You know that the person, deep down inside of you, knows this is true. That part of you that knows who you could be, who you want to be, who you’re meant to be.

Each one of us is the sum of what we alone have decided, or allowed ourselves to be. Once we reach adulthood, we have the opportunity to choose the kind of life we want, the type of person we want to be. Who we want to spend time with, surround ourselves with.

We make daily choices about hundreds of actions, and decisions we make. We alone decide what type of food we enjoy, what music we like, colours we prefer, who we spend our leisure time with.

You alone have the freedom to change who you are, and what you do, every single day.

“Well, Susan, I didn’t choose my life, my parents. my circumstances. So how can you say it’s my choice?”

I agree, we had very little choice as a child. As adults, we’re often already bound on paths we don’t want. But don’t let that stop you from choosing what you want to do, or be, or changing your course. Let go of that past mindset, those beliefs, excuses and boundaries you may have set up for yourself, or feel tied into.

The chains, of limiting thoughts, that had hold you a prisoner of perceived circumstance and choice. I know it’s not easy to admit. I often felt I had no choice, but I did; maybe not the choices I would have preferred, but I still had them. Once this was revealed to me, I realised I had real power; I was no longer a victim to lame limitations.

We cannot change what life throws at us, or what other people do, or say. However, we can change how we act, think and feel about our own life.

We can decide how we will live our own lives, and what we can make of ourselves.

I want to share with you 7 good reasons why you have the power to be the authentic you.

1. Only you have the right gifts to live your life.  You’re unique; you must develop those gifts, for they give your life meaning. Hone your gifts, every single day, so that they can be used to help others; this is how you can make a difference.
2. Only you can build your confidence and self-respect. Don’t search for these from other people; you must find these yourself. You can earn confidence and self-respect by trusting yourself to do what you set out to do. By learning to have faith in yourself. By believing you are of value.
3. Only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Not your parents, not your loved-ones, not your teachers, not your peers. Your thoughts and actions are your job, your responsibility.
4. Only you have the power to motivate yourself, to dig deep and discover the reason (whatever it is) you need to focus on, to keep going when life’s hard.
5. Only you can do the work, or take the steps that you need to take, towards your dream.
6. Only you can make or break you. Nobody else has the power to control your mind, unless you allow them to.
7. Only you have the right to decide what you want to do in life. This is your freedom: it’s why you have free will. Never enslave yourself to someone else’s will. Don’t live someone else’s agenda. Decide for yourself.

You know, deep down inside your heart, what’s right for you. You deserve to be the person you want to be. You can decide today – right now – to build the right life for you.  It’s never too late to change your course. While you’re still alive and breathing, you still have time to go for your dreams.

You have 7 good reasons why I think you can be the person you want to be. I ask you to think about them. Look for your own reasons, and add to them every day.

Continue to strive doggedly to be the person you want to be. Never give up on yourself. You are here for a purpose. That purpose is to live your life to the full, to bring love, joy, peace and happiness to those around you.

In doing so, you will fulfill your life, and the life of others. That is the person you are meant to be, the person you are deep in your heart.

Be that person and live your life to the full.

Susan J McCann

@susanjmccann

PS I’d love to hear what motivates you. Please feel free to share this post.

Do you ever find yourself re-living past mistakes? You know, something didn’t quite work out. You know and recognise that it’s your fault. So you keep on beating up on yourself.

You spend valuable time today re-living the past. Going over and over it in your mind.

“You idiot,” your mind shouts at you,”what possessed you to do that?”

I’ve found that it can even disturb your sleep. You find yourself lying awake in the middle of the night, playing it over and over in your mind, like a broken record.

So, how can you stop that little voice in your brain, pestering you day and night?

Today

Simple. Move on. It’s happened. It can’t UN-happen. Get on with today’s tasks.

However, maybe easier said than done.

I think one way to conquer this little gremlin is to learn from what happened.

First of all tell yourself, “O.K. I screwed up! Fair enough. No-one’s perfect. My job now is to LEARN from my mistake.”

Just let your logic and reason calm down your emotions. As we know, there’s always a hiden gem in every mistake. That’s the wonderful thing about it. You learn something new and important.

Just think of classic examples, like Edison and his light bulb. How many times did he find something that didn’t work? Hundreds! He never got depressed, moping about, beating up on himself every time it didn’t work.

He just moved on.

“O.K. That didn’t work. What else can I try?”

Little disagreements

I find that this “moving on” helps even in trivial little, day-to-day matters. My wife and I are debating about some issue. We disagree. We make our points firmly. Sometimes we feel so strongly about our point of view that we start to argue. We both hate arguing. I often say, trying to close down the arguing, “O.K. That’s history. Let’s agree to disagree, for the moment. Let’s move on.” And we do.

Even a minute ago can be seen as “history”! What’s been said’s been said. “Fine, let’s not waste any more time, energy and love repeating our own point of view.”

As Dan Millman points out in the quote, we waste energy keeping on and on about the past. We often experience that too, don’t we? We can feel a bit worn out after such a discussion.

Tomorrow

Much better to devote your remaining energy to creating something new, beautiful and useful. I’m reminded of the biblical saying, “Let the dead bury their dead.”

The past is dead and gone. Learn from it, yes. But then move on, and devote all your energy to today and tomorrow.

Yesterday’s already fading into the past. Next year, you won’t even remember it.

Why play around in the ashes of yesterday, when you can be creating the fire of tomorrow?

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S  Feel free to share this Quote with a friend.

Want to find inventive ways on how to amuse your kids, impress your partner, entertain your friends – but are running out of ideas?

Are you a student, writer, or blogger, and struggling to come up with what to write about, what topics to choose, that you can make a real difference with?

When you have free time, and your loved-one asks “what would you like to do today?”, do you look at them, and say, “I’m not sure; what would you like to do?”

Or do you just do the same old things, go to the same old places you usually do?

Well, you’re not alone in running out of ideas, not being able to decide what to do. Most of us, at some point or other, come across this problem.

There is an easy solution that you can use; one that will get your brain working overtime – without any hard effort on your part.

It’s a game called “what if you could . . . ?”

A fun game to play

You ask yourself  “what if I could do anything?”

What could you do, enjoy, have, experience or create?

You play it by making up lists. You write those lists in your list book, or file on your computer, tablet or phone. You can do them anywhere, any time, and make them however long or short you want. You can add to them, build them over time, or just keep making new ones.

I’m a great believer in lists: not lists that rule your everyday life, to be bound by an “I must do today” stick. However, lists can be useful when you need to focus on important deadlines. Yet this game is not about deadlines or goal setting. No, for me this game is about having fun.

Lists expand your thinking, help your imagination and creativity

If you spend a few minutes each day playing this game, you’ll soon discover the fun you can have with it, and love making your lists.

Your subconcious will love you for it, because you have given it more possibilities to work on: you’ll expand your thinking. You’ll lift your spirit, through feeling the enjoyment of experiencing them while you’re writing them, or re-reading them.

Your imagination will come to life, using its power to visualise what it would be like to do, or experience, some of things on your list. The more you allow your senses to feel these, the better you will enjoy making the lists.

For example: imagine your favourite food. See it now, in your mind’s eye. Watch it being prepared by your favourite chef. Listen to the sound of it cooking or sizzling on the plate. Smell the delicious fragrant aroma, notice the vibrant colour and shape of it.

How juicy, succulent and delicious it is; feel each mouthful, as you slowly bite into it. Notice the taste in your mouth as you chew each bite. Is it smoothe, sweet, creamy and buttery, or is it sharp, spicy, crispy or flaky? How yummy does it taste?

Enjoy imagining similar experiences, as you write your lists.

Fill your mind with new possibilities

I love using lists to get my creativity working, to help fill my mind with possibilities. I use lists to develop my imagination, get me thinking about a new project, a DIY job, things I’d like to learn to do, or places I want to visit.

Lists are like brainstorming ideas but, if you write them down in a notebook or journal, they will be there anytime in the future, to look over and think about.

Life changes in so many ways; what you might want or dream of doing today, may not be what you want next year, or even 5 years from now. That’s why lists are so much fun; you can make up as many new ones as you like, about anything you want.

Lists are also a useful way of asking yourself questions about how important those things are for you.

They help you to create new dreams, and make new decisions, about what you want to do. Lists help you to open up your mind to new things to think about.

Warning! Lists can become addictive

Why not make a new list every day just for fun, about anything you want? Or revisit old lists, and see how much of them have been ticked off, one way or another, in your life?

Don’t just make a bucket list of things you want to do before you die. Make others about food you want to try, books you want to read, music, films, theatre, sports, hobbies, restaurants, places to visit. List anything you want to spend more time on, or experience.

Allow the sensations of all your senses to come alive with each and every item you put on your lists. Imagine what it will be like. Let the experience of enjoying them become real in your mind.

Imagine yourself on that beach, or going to a concert, cinema, theatre, or socialising with friends. In short, don’t just wait to do these things to enjoy them. Make sure you enjoy just thinking about them while writing your list.

Get into the habit of doing this daily: while traveling, or enjoying a cuppa, or hanging around in a waiting room – in short, any time you have a few spare minutes. You will soon find that this fun habit becomes quite addictive.

It’s the one addiction that is good for you. You will improve your creativity, imagination and thinking daily; all, while having lots of fun.

Enjoy

Susan J. McCann

@susanjmccann

If you like this post please feel free to share it out. Many Thanks

PS Please tell us how you use lists, and the benefits you found from making them, in the comments below.

All genuine success in life is based on being true to ourselves. Living fully who and what we are.

In so much of your upbringing in today’s society, you’re taught to conform to a thousand other demands. You’re taught to fear being different from others.

Conformity is the mother of lifelong boredom. Crushing your creativity, your love of life, your very soul. Because it dumbs down your spirit, your zest for the life you want.

We simply need to dig deep, find a little courage to step out of the rut. We were designed to be unique and beautiful as we are. No need to mimic others.

Fear imprisons our very real passions, ambitions, dreams. Even daring to speak of them and you’re likely to receive a barrage of negative put-downs.

“You, do that? You must be joking.”

“You’ll never make a living doing that, only a handful of people manage that.”

“Forget it, you’d be better off getting a steady job.”

Recognize any of these type of put-downs? Well meaning comments, but devastatingly negative to our ambitions, dreams, passions.

Hey! Wake up.

Time flies.

You live only once.

Better to have gone for it, whatever the outcome. There’s a thrill, a joy, a delight in trying out new and exciting things.

Whether you “succeed” or not is secondary. True success is not in the result, but in the journey, the living, the process.

Authentic success is living in your own way. I’m not talking about selfishness. I’m talking about not letting other people dictate your life. Just discover and live your deepest and best self.

Simply have the courage to step out, each moment, and enjoy whatever is there. There’s magic everywhere. Open your eyes. Heaven is all around you in the wonders of nature.

It reminds me of the saying “work to live, don’t live to work.”  Letting the necessity of work and money dominate our whole life is madness. I’m not suggesting ditching your job, not supporting yourself, or your family. However, making a living doing what you love makes far more sense.

Why sacrifice the best years of your life slaving away? “You can’t take it with you.” Death awaits us all. Enjoy life to the full, right from day one.

Remember: success is in the wonder of each day, each moment. Lift your nose from the grindstone of life. As they say, “stop and smell the flowers.” 

You were never designed by your Creator to be a robot!

May I wish you true success in life.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. Maybe you’d like to share this little quote with a friend. Feel free to leave a comment.  I’d love to hear from you. Thanks.

What I mean is you tell yourself that you’re going to do something. Then, as they say, “life happens.” Guess what? You never actually got round to doing it.

Can you honestly say that you always trust yourself to do what you say?

But, why wouldn’t you trust yourself?

Because, very often, you don’t always do what you say you’ll do. You decide to do something. Yet, somehow, for some reason it never happens.

Is there anything you can do about it? Could you find that IRON STRING that Emerson talks about?

Yes, of course you can. A simple remedy is to find out what went wrong, and why. Pause, and ask yourself:

1. Did I think it through enough? Or maybe it was a spur of the moment thing.
2. Did I really mean what I said? Or maybe it was more wishful thinking.
3. How important was it for you? Or maybe you’ve not taken it seriously enough.
4. What stopped you? Or maybe it just . . . sort of . . . got pushed out.
5. Is it still a good idea? Think about it again. Ask yourself “do I still really want it?
6. If I do still want it, then when will I actually get round to doing it?
7. Then, simply renew your promise to yourself, and then . . . do it!

By asking yourself these questions, you’ll gradually learn to trust yourself more. Why? Because you won’t be so quick to decide to do something, and then let it slide away from you.

You’ll take the promises, you make to yourself, a bit more to heart.

Bit by bit you’ll learn to say “when I say I’m going to do something, I really mean it. It will happen!”

You’ll be amazed how good that makes you feel. Try it and see.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. There’s a bonus too. Others might believe and trust you a bit more. How good is that? Awesome!

P.P.S. Maybe you’d like to share this little quote with a friend. Feel free to leave a comment.  I’d love to hear from you. Thanks.

We all have the power to choose, right?

Everything we choose to be, to do, to have is our own free choice, yeah?

It really is as simple as that, isn’t it?

“Hold on a minute,” you say.

“It’s not quite as black and white as that, is it? There are many times when I feel I have no choice. I feel trapped. I don’t like it at all.”

It’s true. We often face difficult choices. Even agonising choices. But we’re still fully aware that we have a choice to make.

That choice is our responsibility, and within our own power.

It’s true, we’re at the mercy of our nature and nurture. We don’t choose the nature we are born with. We don’t dictate our upbringing.

Society and everything in it presses down upon us, relentlessly, all through life.

Life often challenges us.

However, we always have a choice. In the end we choose what to do.

Although we often face many conflicting choices in life, we are fully aware that the buck stops with us. In the end we say, “this is what I’m going to do.”

Sometimes we allow others to control us, tell us what to do. But, never forget, it’s still your choice. We can choose to do what they command. However, we could rebel, and say “no.” We never lose that freedom, that choice.

What do you think? How free do you feel?

In all honesty you know, when all’s said and done, that what you do is your choice.

Like the show “Who wants to be a millionaire?” life asks us: “what will you do? Final Answer!”

What’s your own experience?

To what extent do you choose your own path, or allow others to rule your life?

There’s something awesome about the challenge “be yourself. Be your own person.”

Of course, it goes without saying that you honor, love and respect other people, especially your loved-ones. However, you’re never their slave. In the end, you must live your life according to your own values, your convictions, your highest and best self.

Surely something worth thinking about? A lot!

Yes! I fully agree with Stephen Covey.

I am not a robot, or someone’s puppet. No one’s pulling my strings.

I’m free. I accept my four endowments. I’m the one responsible for everything I do.

And that makes me every happy.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

P.S. I’d love to hear what you think about your own freedom. Why not leave a quick comment below? Thank you!

I can really understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been there myself in the past, and still find it a challenge.

We all have problems with self-belief and confidence, don’t we? It seems that other people recognise our talents even if we can’t.

That’s why I also believe in you. I know we all have unique gifts; you, me and everyone in their own way. Our gifts are needed. We just need more belief.

There are so many people out there who need exactly what you have to share.

You’re already sharing your gifts with family and friends.

Life moves on, every day new opportunities can arise. O.K., I know you can’t help everybody. But you can definitely help some.

Let’s discover more self-belief, be a lttle braver. You can step out and share your love, your kindness, your help with a few other people.

We’re made for love and sharing. That’s the meaning of life. We’re all different.

That’s why you have something unique to share, something that others need. Try to be even more generous with your time, your love, your gifts.

A number of people in your world are waiting for you. Give them some love.

Blessings, Love and Peace to you and yours.

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

PS  If you like this quote please feel free to share it.

Destroyed by other people and their reactions

Worst of all, very often destroyed by the last person you’d ever imagine: your friend!

How do they do this? Because they tell you “You can’t do that!”  Such an attack can begin to sow doubt, hesitation and uncertainty in your mind. You may even give up on your ambitions, your dreams altogether.

But who would dare to say “You can’t do that!”  to you? And why?

It could be any person close to you: family member, friend, acquaintance, loved-one.

“You can’t do it!” But why such a massive put-down?

“You’ll never make it! ” Why do they destroy your bold ambitions? Try so hard to stop you? Torpedo your passions your dreams.

How do your friends, with the best will in the world, make themselves your greatest enemies?

Simple. All those negative put downs! They insist, and keep on insisting: “You CAN’T!

So, again, why would they do that? I believe one clear reason is their misguided love, concern, and fears for you. The very last thing they want is to see you hurt.

Friends and family are usually loving, wanting the very best for your life. But their advice isn’t always right for you.

They wouldn’t see themselves as your enemies at all, they are convinced they’re not simply being negative. They passionately believe they are helping you to avoid a great mistake.

It’s their way of protecting you from the painful danger, disappointment and disaster they imagine.

Yes, of course. They really do love you. Yet that very beautiful attitude has klled a million dreams! 

What to do?

Listen, but then you decide.

Listen to what they say, Think about it dispassionately. Love them back, thank them from the depths of your heart for their loving concern.

But . . . but . . .

But never, ever let them destroy your dreams. Follow your head, but also your heart and your gut feelings and instincts.

Never say “I can’t” until you’ve given it everything. Your genuine dream deserves your best shot.

After all, it’s your life at stake, not theirs!

Blessings, Love and Peace to you and yours

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

PS  If you like this quote please feel free to share it

Strange, weird and wonderful success theories abound. They attempt to fulfill our human desire for success.

However, many of these theories are very uncertain; perhaps more an appeal to luck than sound strategy.

Yes, of course, it’s great to want to succeed. But why believe in Lady Luck?

That’s like believing in magic: the result we want just “happens,” without any cause!

Like kids’ fairy tales, or happy ever after fiction stories.

Yes, It’s great to want success. But how do we achieve it? One, of many key elements, is having a work ethic.

Yes. Get smart, work hard, and keep improving.

Yet that can be a major problem, the very last thing we want to hear. Why? Because we hate “hard work.” The very word hard  can put us off straight away. “I don’t do HARD.”

We cry out in pain, “surely there must be an easier way!”

I’m afraid life’s not magic. Let’s be adults about this. We pay the price in the shop for everything we buy. Yet we baulk at the thought of paying the price for our success in life. The illusion of something for nothing.

The good news? There’s an immense satisfaction, happiness and peace in knowing we’ve done our best. Often your friends will support you, and tell you, “good job!”  And they’re right.

In all walks of life, people succeed by putting in the effort. Parents raising kids, sportsmen and women winning their events, students passing exams. The list goes on.

That is real success.

The grindstone creates beauty from chunks of metal. You can achieve your own beauty too.

Seek the grindstone of life. Don’t be so afraid. You can do it! Hard work brings its own massive rewards. Laziness destroys all it touches. You choose.

Always remember:

the rich benefits of the grindstone of life far outweigh the efforts you’ve made.

Why not witness your own “trail of sparks”, and prosper.

Blessings and Peace to you and yours

Gerry McCann

@themerry_monk

PS  If you like this quote please feel free to share it

Be master of your own spirit; control yourself, and the rest will follow. For an uncaring, lazy attitude drains the lifeblood from every noble ambition: it’s the embrace of death.

Paradoxically, self-discipline is not about hard work; it’s about making life easier.

A lack of self-discipline

We can begin to imagine how pitiful our life would be, without self-discipline and a noble character. We would soon ruin our life, achieve very little, disappoint everyone – especially ourselves – and fail in all we do.

Instead of having the immense satisfaction of contributing to life, we would have the intense pain of begging, and expecting everyone else to take up the slack.

The paradox, when hard is easy

How easy is it to be self-disciplined? At first sight, this may seem to be a difficult thing to do. The word discipline sounds so threatening, like being on punishment in the army for some misdemeanor.

Yet such effort at self-discipline, in reality, makes life much easier. A very simple way of understanding this is the old saying, “A stitch in time saves nine.”

If we just discipline ourselves to sew that one single stitch, then we save nine times as much work later. A small effort now, saves a huge effort in the long run. That’s a metaphor for thousands of things in life.

Why not take a little time out this week to think about this?

Gerry McCann The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk

P.S. If you like this post please feel free to share it. Thank you.

Hundreds of people are standing in their bare feet. We’re in Cardiff, Wales, UK. It’s evening, and dark. The year: 1999. We’re lined up in many rows. Facing us: rows of brightly shining coals of fire. These glowing, growling rows are perhaps 20 yards long.

The occasion? I’m lined up to experience the famous Tony Robbins “Fire Walk.” It’s Friday, the first evening of his awesome personal development seminar.

I reach the front of the line. Deep breath, shoulders back, look straight ahead, walk at a steady pace. Don’t try to run. Off we go, one after the other. I’m really scared, but I summon up all my courage and step into the unknown. I believe I can do this.

At the end of the row, I fall into the arms of a helper. He checks my feet, water at the ready. He makes sure there are no fragments of hot coal trapped between my toes. Relief. I’m OK.

I breath again. Wow! A once-in-a-lifetime experience. I can hardly believe it. My feet aren’t burned. It doesn’t hurt. I can’t really understand why. Maybe because I didn’t pause, and give the fire time to burn me.

(By the way, please do not try this at home!  Our fire walk was professionally managed for safety. I do not in any way recommend you to experiment with fire)

We learned a lot

What was the point of all this? Give us a thrill? Teach us something? Experience a new challenge?

It was a master class in showing us how to overcome limiting beliefs.

If we can overcome a seemingly impossible physical challenge, then how much more power is inside us to overcome doubts and fears in the mind?

Countless books have been written on the power of thinking. Many personal development classics drive home this simple lesson: it’s our thoughts and beliefs that determine our life.

What’s your take on this?

You deserve to be great

Fears and doubts haunt us all, don’t they? To what extent can your belief fill you with power, and compel you to fulfill your deepest desires? Overcome your terrifying fears?

What are some important things in your life? Things you’d like to do, goals you’d like to achieve. What haven’t you done yet? What should you do that you haven’t. Deep down, you know.

Maybe you’re afraid. But fear is just a thought, a belief in your mind. Why treat it like burning coals? If we can walk on fire, then surely we can tackle limiting beliefs. They’re just in your mind. And that’s good news. Why?

You control your own mind. You can change your mind. You have the power of choice. You’re “Master of your Fate, Captain of your Ship.”

Remember: life moves on, relentlessly. Don’t die with your music still inside. No regrets. At the very least give it a try. If you fail, so what? At the very least you had a go. On the other hand, you might just surprise yourself and achieve your own greatness.

No regrets. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Or maybe it was, and you just need to persevere and keep on trying. “If at first you don’t succeed . . .”

Near journey’s end

I’ll be 80 this year. I’ve been through all this a thousand times. I’m still trying. Still moving. Haven’t given up.

I look back on my long life; I’m very happy to know that I went for it. Yes, I know. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs. Challenges and problems. Success and Failure. I just got back on my feet. I soldiered on. I overcame whatever was thrown at me. I won through.

I succeeded because I never gave up on life.

What will you feel when you’re 80?

Make sure you feel that you pushed on and had a go. Often “success” is not important. What is important is to try your best, “win” or “lose” in the opinion of others.

You write your own epitaph.

“You did it your way.”

Gerry McCann The Merry Monk

@themerry_monk