I do not want to feel death’s sting or experience the often disabling grief associated with major life losses such as the death of a parent.  My concerns are partly rooted in fear; a fear that an emotional storm of grief will plunge me into a debilitating bout of depression so severe that I will not recover. I fear the unraveling that occurs in the midst of the messy chaos associated with reconstructing a new normal after a hard season of grief.  That said I know that God’s grace is sufficient to sustain me in my brokenness, grief, and through the happy, painful, and hard.

God quickly removed that heavy spirit of foreboding that fell upon me during this most recent season of death.  He ever so gently shifted my focus from the deaths that occurred to what is true, authentic, beautiful, and worthy of all praise.  In my life there have been seasons of joy, laughter, and love.  I have also had seasons of pain, loss, and overwhelming sadness.  God used these hard seasons to mature and prepare me for His purpose.  He has used my messy and chaotic circumstances to strengthen my faith and draw me closer to Him.

As a believer in Christ, I know that death is the birthing room between my physical and eternal lives.   I cannot say that I have faith in God and then not trust Him in all things including the death of a loved one.   I do not know when I will receive the call that my loved one has died or how I will handle it.  I can only hope to demonstrate the same unflinching strength that my parents have shown.  So when my hard season of death comes I will run directly to the Strong Tower, my Solid Rock for healing, rest, and protection.  In this space God will reconstruct my new normal and keep me in His perfect peace.

Gye Nyame

The situation was further compounded by the fact that my son was in his senior year of high school. I had no money to pay for graduation announcements, senior pictures, prom, and other related fees. I spent hours working the telephone in an effort to confirm my son’s space at the college he wanted to attend and reserve dormitory housing without any money. It was in the midst of this seemingly insurmountable and stressful situation, that grace intervened. A woman at the college who I had spoken to frequently found some discretionary funding that could be used to reserve my son’s space and cover a few other fees that had to be paid immediately. She did not have to go the extra mile to help my son. Because of her assistance, my son was able to enroll in college. In the months that followed, grace repeatedly intervened to pave my son’s way to college. He subsequently applied for and was awarded an academic scholarship that covered all of his tuition and provided a stipend for books. Thus far, my son’s college experience has been nothing short of phenomenal.

I do not want to leave the impression that grace is a talisman against hardship and suffering. In my case, grace did not magically force my life back into place. Instead grace has softened the hard places and strengthened my resolve to stay on the journey. I now live with chronic medical conditions that are the proverbial thorn in my flesh and serve as a constant reminder of my own physical weaknesses. Although it was quite tough, I found housing and secured transportation. Today, I am still digging my way out of the financial volcano that erupted as the result of that seven month period in 2012. Yet, because of grace, I know that my circumstances will not overwhelm or defeat me. I will not merely survive but thrive in the face of my circumstances.

Grace cannot be earned or bought. It is freely poured out and lavished upon me. I need only accept what grace offers. Grace heals and refreshes my whole self. It helps me forgive every transgression and to see my transgressors through the lens of mercy. The outpouring of grace will never run dry. Grace has sustained, grown, and healed me in so many of life’s hard places. It will continue to be my strength and shield of protection that will cover me no matter the circumstance. Indeed, I can confidentially testify that I know something about grace.

Gye Nyame!

Stephanie Mitchell Hughes